Tomorrow is the big day

Yep - that's right. Tomorrow both of my babies will have surgery. Gracelin's been scheduled to have her tubes put back in and her adnoids removed. Actually, only one of the tubes has fallen out - the one in her right ear is still intact. But, the ENT thinks that she'll just put a second tube in that ear, because its likely it won't last too long. She's also removing G's adnoids, because she thinks they may be enlarged and blocking her ear canals. It is a bit of a worry since she'll have to be intubated and have an IV. So, there is a bit of a risk for surgery and recovery will be longer than just for tubes. But, if it means she's feeling better it will be worth it. I'm so tired of sick kids.

Poor Bryn's been sick forever (or so it seems). On Friday, the ENT decided that they could "squeeze her in" to an appointment next to G's and get tubes in her ears as well. She hasn't had as many infections as her older sister has, but we're thinking that with the history of our family's ears its better to just put them in. Bryn's surgery should be much simpler. She'll just be sedated wth gas, and the entire prodecure is only 10 minutes.

I'll be so glad to have my girls sick less often. G at least handles the antibiotic fairly well, but poor Bryn does not. Last week was hell. She was crabby from the ear infection. But, the antibiotic gives her diahrrea, which caused a terrible yeast infection/diaper rash. Oh, and did I mention she was teething on top of that? Um, yah. Tubes should be a piece-o-cake.

We've been trying to prepare Gracelin. I don't think she really understands. Her biggest concern is whether or not she gets a bandaid, sticker, or lollypop after the procedure. I told her she can have one of each.

From the mouths of babes

Ok - I swear Bryn is starting to talk. Yesterday when I picked her up from daycare, I told her to say "bye" like I always do. Usually she doesn't do anything. But yesterday, she held her hand out, with palm facing in, and waved (only because of the way her hand was positioned she was waving at herself). Then she said "eyeeeeeee". The grandma lady in the baby room was so excited that she did it. Since then, she's "waved" at everyone. I can't tell if she's saying hi or bye, since it comes out as "eyeeeeeee" all the time. Also, for the past week or so, she calls Grace "deedee". What a sweet girl.

Grace is hilarious too. Here is a snippit of our conversation from this morning:

G: Mommy, remember when you were mean to daddy and hurt his feelings?
Me: No Gracie, I don't remember that
G: Yes mom. It was yesterday. You were mean to daddy and hurt his feelings. Then I hugged him and made his feelings feel better.

Its funny, because Ben and I didn't argue at all yesterday (if you can believe it), so I'm not sure what she is remembering. She is so nurturing though. Its completely natural to think that she feels a need to make her daddy's feelings all better.

Here is another conversation G and I had in the car yesterday:
G: Mommy, I like my kitty shoes, but my feet are getting too big for them. Maybe I need some Dora shoes.
Me: You've had those shoes since the beginning of the summer. I think its time to buy some new ones.
G: Its because I am big and little at the same time.

I think its very profound for a 2 year old to understand that she is big and little at the same time. I explained to her that she's right. She's bigger than her baby sister (just barely though) but she's smaller than a grown-up. She giggled sweetly.

Things never go according to plan

I was planning on coming on today to post adorable pictures of my little girls in their Halloween costumes, but things obviously didn’t go as planned. Gracelin wanted to be a princess, and we found her a Snow White dress at Target. We’d planned to put Gracelin’s old frog costume on. I left work early to pick up the girls, figuring that would give us plenty of time.

When I picked up the girls, they were both happy and G was excited to go out trick-or-treating. She had a bag of candy and I let her have one sucker out of it, not realizing she’d been eating of treats all day. We rarely let her eat treats (especially candy) so she was really excited. For the first ½ of the drive (our commute is around 30 minutes) she kept telling me, “I’m eating candy, I’m eating candy, I’m eating candy”. Then, she suddenly stopped and handed me her sucker. She told me that she didn’t want anymore. I turned to look at her. Her skin had turned a sick shade of green and she was drooling out of the corner of her mouth. I knew we were in big trouble. I rolled down the window to let in some fresh air, but to no avail. She puked, and then puked again, and again and again. UGH. Poor girl. I didn’t realize that a 2-year-old tummy could hold that much. And since we were almost home, she just had to sit in it.

Once we were safely home, I stripped her down in the garage and headed straight for the bathroom. Luckily Bryn was content to play on the floor next to us. Finally Ben and my mom showed up. My mom had come over to see the girls in their costumes, and I was so grateful she was there to keep the girls occupied. Ben and I headed out to the garage, and it took us over an hour to clean the car and G’s carseat. Luckily we have leather seats, so the actual car cleaning wasn’t too bad. But her carseat was bad. There were vomit chunks in all the nooks and crannies. We physically had to take the entire thing apart, piece-by-piece. My car still smells today. Good thing I’m not pregnant.

(Gracelin has a propensity to puke at the drop of a hat. I cannot count the number of times she’s gotten sick in the car. Ben and I have decided that since Bryn needs a new carseat anyway, we’re going to give her G’s and then buy G a new one that converts to a booster and is easier to clean. {{KNOCK ON WOOD}} Bryn doesn’t seem to have the weak tummy of her older sister)

By the time we got things cleaned up, my mom had fed the girls dinner. G was starving, and ate an entire quesadilla, lots of black beans, and a glass of milk. The real food tasted so good to her. Then, she was ready to trick-or-treat, but Bryn was ready for bed. We dressed up the girls and attempted a few pictures, but they really didn’t turn out. (Maybe I’ll dress them up on Friday and try a photoshoot. I had the idea of getting some cute pics of a princess kissing a frog.)

We did make it out to trick-or-treat. G had a blast. She totally got it, and knew if she was extra cute she’d get more candy. Bryn was just happy to be included, and laughed and cooed the entire time. Ben and Grandma only took the girls to a few houses of neighbors we knew, but they both scored. They came home very tired. I was expecting G to want more candy, but she had no desire. I bet it’s a long time before she’ll want any sweets. We got them in the bath (G with her 2nd bath in an hour) and put them in bed early. Both girls were asleep by 7:30, which is a good thing! Mommy and Daddy have been battling a nasty virus, and really needed an early night.

My pumpkins

On saturday we took the girls to a local pumpkin patch, in search of the perfect pumpkin. It was such a fun place - they issued you a wheelbarrow, set of clippers, and turned you lose out into the patch. Unfortunately, we were there a week too late to find the perfect pumpkin (notice how crappy they all look) but we did manage to have lots of fun and get some great pictures. The farmer had a corn maze in the back for the kids. He also had about a dozen antique tractors that he'd fixed up. The kids had a blast climbing all over them.

I know this post is totally late. Today is Halloween - I should be posting costume pics. Guess I'll have to save those for tomorrow!

Gracelin is 2 1/2

Gracelin is 2 1/2 years old today! Sometimes I cannot believe she is so old already – the time has gone by so quickly. I occasionally call her “baby girl”, to which she’ll respond, “No mommy, I’m your big girl”. Often though, I have to remind myself that she is only 2 ½ because she seems so wise and mature for her age.

Verbally, she is far ahead of her peers. Not only is she fully conversational, but she can clearly convey her thoughts, feelings, and even tell jokes. She usually conjugates her verbs correctly and even understands plurals and possessives. She knows her alphabet, can identify most of the letters, and even knows what letter many words start with. The other day we were discussion “K” words. We talked about kick, kiss, and Kentucky. She added cookie to the list, but when I tried to explain how it started with “C”, but made the same sound as “K” she got a bit confused. I think it is amazing though that she is starting to grasp phonics. She loves to sing, and knows so many songs. Today in the car on the way to daycare, she wanted to play Name That Tune. She’d sing and I’d have to guess. While she knows the words well, its rare that I can tell the tune (she’s still got a ways to go before she can clearly carry a tune) so she was getting a bit frustrated with me. But, she handled it well and was very sweet about it.

She is a sweet girl, and generally loving and kind - especially to her baby sister. I’m excited to watch the girls grow up together, because they already seem to have such a bond. Gracelin loves to hold Bryn and “fluff her” (which is rubbing her hand on the baby’s head. I’m not quite sure where that one came from, but it’s cute). Gracelin also speaks for her sister – she’ll tell me what Bryn likes and dislikes, and what she’s thinking. Sometimes I feel a bit sorry for Grace, because she wants so badly to love Bryn, but doesn’t quite know how. Her hugs and kisses will often make the baby cry, and it hurts G’s feelings.

Her favorite toys right now are dolls and stuff animals. She loves caring for them. So often at the end of the night, I’ll find her “friends” laying in their “beds” allover the house. (Their beds towels and rags from my kitchen drawer. I have lots of laundry as a result.) Her favorites are two cheap baby dolls from K-Mart that she got for Christmas last year – they have remained her favorites all year. One baby is all hard plastic, and her name is “Hard Dora”. The other baby has hard plastic arms and legs, but she has a soft body and laughs, cries, or says “mama’ when you squeeze her belly. Her name is appropriately “Soft Dora”. The Doras go everywhere with her, except during daycare when they patiently wait for her in the car. They also personify how she is feeling. When she’s hungry, the Doras are hungry. When she’s sad, the Doras want their mommy. They even go potty on her little potty (she’s graduated to the big potty, so the little one is for the Doras).

She also loves all books. She’d sit and read with me all day if we could. Quite often when I’m not able to sit and read with her, she’ll read stories to the Doras. I’ve been amazed to discover that she has many of her favorites completely memorized. I hope that her love of books continues, because it will be such an asset in her life.

Food wise, she’s got the strangest taste in foods for a child. She hates all fruit, except apples, and all vegetables. The one exception is salsa – she loves salsa. Even the hot stuff. She also loves anything with beans in it, especially Cincinnati Chili. Other favorites are anything with cheese (grilled cheese, macaroni and cheese, quesadillas, etc). Her favorite breakfast food is a 6-grain hot cereal I get from a local flourmill that has oats, wheat, barley, sunflower seeds and a couple other grains that I can’t think of right now. She definitely has strange tastes for a kid her age. The other night we went out to dinner, and let her choose her own meal. She chose black beans as her side dish over fries. The server looked at her like she was crazy. She also isn’t a big sweet tooth either. Quite often she chooses to eat more dinner over dessert (when given the option, but we rarely eat dessert).

She’s also very physical. She loves to run and jump and is actually getting quite coordinated. In fact, she really doesn’t walk anywhere at all – its all a run. I just love to hear the stomping of her bare feet running down the wood floor of our hallway. Over the summer, she’d spent lots of time in the pool and had gotten to the point where she dared jump off of the edge to her daddy and put her face under the water. I need to get her into swimming lessons and gymnastics. I also think she’s going to love dancing. She loves for me to go outside and run with her. At the doctor last week, she weighed 29 pounds, which is about 50th percentile. She's growing up fast!

Her poor ears continue to be an issue for her. The tubes fell out some time during the summer, and she’s practically had a constant ear infection ever since. Typically about 48 hours after her last dose of antibiotics the infection has returned. We’ve run the gamut of antibiotics this summer, and had an appointment with her ENT today. We scheduled her tubes to be put back in on November 14. She's also getting her adnoids out at the same time. I know it will be scary for her, but its what we need to do.

Well, I could ramble on all day about my sweet Gracie Jayne. I love her so much and I’m so honored to have the privilege of being her mommy.

Thougts on one more

The entire time I was pregnant with Brynlee I was sure she’d be my last baby – mainly because I hate being pregnant. Really, I’m not healthy pregnant either. Ben and I discussed it many times. He didn’t want me to be pregnant again either because my being pregnant “is really difficult for him too”. Beyond the physical aspect, there are other factors, like money (I have to work now to support our family, and daycare costs for 2 are a significant chunk of my money. Adding a third child into daycare would just about make it useless for me to work) and time (I’m stretched thin as it is now. I don’t know how I’d have time to spend with a 3rd). My marriage is struggling right now too, and the burden of another child would further cause further strain. Besides 2 parents + 2 kids = a well-balanced family. 2 kids don’t seem like many, but 3 are a really big family. And the list goes on and on.

But, something happened to me in the hospital right after I gave birth to Brynlee. I held her, expecting to find that she completed my family. Instead, I found myself feeling that there’s one more child out there destined to call me “mother”. Financially, realistically, and practically it doesn’t make sense to try and add more. I’m still so tired and sleep deprived that I find myself wondering if I’ll ever sleep again. Yet I still find myself wishing in my heart that I could have one more some day. Maybe a boy.

Although I currently have an IUD, I’ve thought the past few months that I will have one more baby some day. But then yesterday, I think I found my answer. I was reading online about an agency that arranges the adoption of orphans from the Ukraine. They set up families who are willing to host an orphan for 1-2 months, and then if the child “fits” with the family they arrange the adoption. I don’t necessarily want a child from the Ukraine, but I am interested in one from another Eastern European country.

Ben lived in Russia for almost 2 years. During that time, he did lots of service at the orphanages there. He has talked many times of the children, and how they loved for him to go and play with them – how their faces would light up from something as simple as a hug. As I mother, I can barely stand to hear of these poor children. (can you see where this is going?) I want to adopt from Russia. Ben speaks Russian fluently, and perhaps that would make it easier for us. I’ve actually thought about it quite a bit – especially in the days of our infertility. In fact, we’d set the marker of my 32nd birthday as the time we’d consider adoption if we hadn’t conceived by that time. I just passed my 32nd birthday 2 weeks ago.

Of course, there are still lots of issues in our lives to clear up. I’d want to be able to stay at home at that time, so it will likely be a few years before it is financially feasible for us. And it would be nice for both of my girls to be a bit older (ideally school-age), so they could understand and help with the transition. I’m sure it would be difficult for the child to be moved ½ across the world into a new culture and language. I would want enough time to devote to the child without taking away from the needs of my own young children. And obviously, it would be expensive as well. But all those things don’t matter so much. In my heart I know that is what I want to do.

My whole take on the hunting thing

I wanted to express my feelings on hunting, but decided to do it here, outside of the forum where my friends are so that those who don't want to read my thoughts don't have to: (hopefully my jumbled thoughts make sense)

I'm anti-hunting but I also eat meat.

But let me further explain. We rarely cook and eat meat at home - most of my meat-eating takes place away from home, because being a vegetarian is inconvenient. I know, because I've been one in the past. I follow the LDS word of wisdom that dictates meat should be eaten sparingly (actually it says only in times of famine and winter, but obviously that was written in another century). I do not eat meat every day. I also eat organic and/or free-range when I can. We buy everything we can from our local dairy (that also delivers) - milk/milk products, eggs, produce, etc. I completely think that the non-organic ways of food production are inhumane for the animals and unhealthy for us humans. (but that is a discussion for another day)

The reason I am anti-hunting has nothing to do with it being inhumane to the animals. It is because I feel in today's society, there is no reason (other than for the simple sport of taking a life) that we need to collect our food that way. While I believe the animal will suffer less being shot vs. starving to death, the starving to death thing doesn't bother me so much. Its that whole survival of the fittest thing - let the animals take care of them selves like the have for 1000s of years. I have always considered myself a conservationalist, but perhaps that isn't the correct term to describe me. I actually went to college for a degree in Planning and Resource Management, and was initially attracted to the field because of the managing resources stuff (of course I work now in planning, but that also is a discussion for another day). Because of my background and current job, I understand that man is altering traditional animal habitats. Perhaps my feelings on how this is being managed is a little hypocritical. On one hand, I completely support the reintroduction of animals into their historical habitat (like the wolves into Yellowstone); however I do not support the killing of them simply to manage herds. (I know, makes no sense)

My dad and brother are hunters - especially my brother who loves both bow hunting and rifle. They are also avid fishermen. They have brought home meat and fish quite often that I always politely refuse. More often than not though, the fish does not get eaten or it becomes fertilizer for my mom's roses. That disgusts me. I feel that they fish simply for the sport of killing the fish. To me, it is violent, cruel, and unnecessary. At least the animals slaughtered for food production are typically stunned first, and then have an artery severed so death is quick. My husband's uncle is a multi-millionare and is squandering his fortune by going to places like Africa, China, and the North Pole to hunt exotic animals simply to have a trophy. He's got a gawd awful room in his house that is remnisant of a scene from that old Patrick Swaze movie Road House. It makes me sick that he's paying $100,000s simply for that. The violent aspect of hunting bothers me so much that I never could even marry a man who hunts. I do not believe in guns and I will not have them in my home.

Hmmm . . . its after 11pm, and I'm tired, which is probably evident as I'm just rambling now.

Bryn's 8 months old tomorrow!

My sweet Brynlee will be 8 months old tomorrow. I cannot figure out where the time is going. She’s just growing up way too fast, and while I’m excited for the little person she is becoming, I’m sad that my baby girl is almost gone. Bryn is the most happy and sweet baby – she’s generally so content to just sit and play. She’s got a long attention span and loves toys (especially her sister’s toys). This morning I watched her crawl across the room to reach a ball, and when she got there, she threw her body down onto the ball and hugged it – like she was so happy she finally got there. Pretty much everything makes her happy – she’s got the biggest, most contagious smile. Even strangers come up to me when we’re out to tell me what a happy baby she is.

Physically, I think she’s very developed for her age – she’s so strong and coordinated. She’s crawling all over the place, but its not the traditional baby crawl. Generally, she’s crawling on her feet and hands (imagine the downward dog yoga pose). I’m sure its more difficult that crawling on her knees would be, but she seems to not like being on her knees at all. She can also pull herself to a stand. She loves to stand alongside the couch, and hasn’t yet learned to walk along it, but I’m sure its just a matter of time. All this physical activity has started to thin her out, but she’s still so tall and very squishy. (in fact, Squishy is one of her many nicknames) She’s wearing clothes that fit Gracelin when she was well over 1 year old. Just the other day, she learned to give kisses, and will give them when asked. I ask her to give mommy kisses, to which she’ll lick my face and leave me with a nice slobbery wet spot on my cheek – but its so cute I don’t even mind. Another one of her favorite things to do is play Pat-a-cake – it’s a game the sisters play together already.

Bryn also seems like a very quiet baby, but I think I may be comparing her to a vocal older sister. In all reality, she’s probably just average. She does like to sit and “sing”, which cracks me up. She also is saying lots of sounds. Right now “dadada” is her favorite, and I swear she only says it when she’s with her daddy. I also think that she’s calling her sister “didi” (a modified form of Gracie?) She also loves to blow raspberries, and will mimic me if I do it over and over again.

She also loves food, and practically devours anything I give her. I am probably more adventurous than I should be, but she really seems ready for things with texture. She loves soft breads and fruits. I even gave her tiny pieces of turkey on Sunday – it was met with kicking feet and squeals of delight. Needless to say, it was a big hit. She’s had her 2 bottom teeth for almost 3 months now, but I don’t see any signs of more coming in. I wish we’d get more, because she’s ready for more food.

Probably the only area where Bryn isn’t completely perfect is in the sleep department. She’s not the world’s best sleeper. On daycare days, we wake her at 6am. She usually has 3 naps of about 1 hour apiece. Then, she’s in bed by 7pm. But lately, she’s averaging 2 night-wakings (which makes for a very tired mommy). On non-daycare days, she generally sleeps until about 7:30 – 8 am, but then only takes 2 daytime naps. Either way, I think she gets about 14-15 hours of sleep a day. Now that I write that out, it seems like a lot. LOL Maybe I am again just spoiled by her older sister who was a champion sleeper. Its really just the weird night wakings that are getting to me. We’ve tried CIO, buy it does not work for her. She just escalates herself into hysteria, and then she’s impossible to soothe. I usually have to nurse her and rock her a bit to settle down. I do try and put her to bed drowsy yet awake, but sometimes she falls asleep too soon (or maybe I cuddle her too long). My favorite part of the day is a night when we cuddle in her rocking chair. She’ll sit in my arms, stare lovingly into my eyes, and softly coo to me. Its like she’s telling me she loves me, and some nights I don’t want it to end.

Now I'm depressed

I took a phone call at work today, because I was helping out while our secretary was at lunch. The woman on the other end asked to speak with the pregnant woman who works here. I explained to her that no one in our office was pregnant, and when she insisted I asked what it is she needed help with. I assumed she had been to a different department and spoken with someone else, and gotten confused with which department she needed – I was fully intending on transferring her to the pregnant woman she needed. But, when she told me what she needed, I realized that I had been the person she spoke with in person earlier. She though I was pregnant.

I was immediately offended. I told her that I was very embarrassed – that my baby is now almost 8 months old. She was very apologetic, but it was too late. I was in no mood to be helpful.

What a wakeup call. I’ve been in denial for a long time, but I guess there’s no denying it now. I’m fat and I need to drop this 30 pounds that I’m carrying around. No more lame excuses. I called my hubby to tell him, and hoping to hear a “you’re not fat” or “your don’t look pregnant” – something to make me feel a bit better about myself. Instead he told me “sorry” and them promptly told me that he had to go. Men!

Ok – so, here starts day 1 of NO MORE SUGAR. Period. The carb-loading has got to stop.

A little bit of this and that

Ok - so this morning I was pumping and I heard a really weird noise. I was expecting to discover that my pump was finally conking out, but the I realized the sound came from me overflowing the bottle. LOL It was sucking the milk out the opposite way. I switched bottles, and continued pumping. I got 14 ounces (not counting the stuff I lost from overflow). Both girls slept all night, and I actually got a good night of sleep. I guess it put my milk production into overdrive.

Ben and I both had the day off yesterday, and we took the kids to daycare. We had a nice lunch, went to a movie, and did some shopping. It was such a fun and relaxing day - until we picked up the kids. Then all hell broke lose. I won't bore y'all with the whole story, but let it suffice to say my husband is a lazy a$$. I'm sick of fighting with him. I realized yesterday that things are great when its all play, but whenever there's any work and/or stress to deal with is when we have our problems. And Ben has the entire week off - lets just see if he gets one thing done around the house. If I had a week off (without kids) I'd have a huge list of projects to get done. When I asked him what he was doing, he told me that he was going to catch up on his sleep. WTF?

Is it bad of me to have fantasies of a man that actually enjoys hard work? Maybe thats why I'm so attracted to all the contractors and public works guys. LOL

Anyway . . . I am LOVING Bryn right now. I wish I could stop time and keep her just the way she is. she's so happy and content. I just love her smiles. She's pretty much mobile - its a labored crawl, and she goes up onto her feet (kinda like she's doing downward dog). Lately too, she'll give me a kiss if I ask her - its really just a slimey lick on the face, but I love it. She's so into food right now too - especially bananas.

Gracelin had another ear infection over the weekend. We ended up at InstaCare for more antibiotics. This is her 3rd infection in 5 weeks. I'm pretty sure that its the same infection that she just cannot clear up. I'm calling today to get in for another surgical consult with her ENT - I'm going to BEG them to put her tubes back in.

Mommy, do you pee in your pants?

Yesterday Gracelin asked me "mommy, do you pee in your pants?" - to which I answered, "No Gracelin, mommy goes in the potty." She looked at me with all seriousness in her eyes and said "Oh. Sometime I pee in my pants." LOL I love her.

Never say never

Its funny how before I had kids, I would observe other’s behavior and make comments to myself about how my kids would never do that. We’ll, I suppose I’m going to have to eat my words.

Saturday night, DH went out with the boys, so I was on kid-duty alone. G and Bryn had missed their afternoon naps, and I wanted them to go to bed early. I also needed a few things at the grocery store, but I was worried that if I took them out in the car they would fall asleep, and mess up bedtime. So, I bathed them, put them into their PJs and took them to the store that way. Poor G’s hair was a mess. I’m working on growing her bangs out, so right now they’re an inch too long. They totally hang in her eyes, but are too short to pull out of the way without a barrette. Since she’d just had her bath, her hair was undone – which left it hanging in her eyes. So, there was my poor toddler, in jammies a size too small with scraggly hair hanging in her eyes, riding around in the shopping cart. I looked at my poor kids and immediately thought of how WT my family looked, and couldn’t help by laugh to myself at how I “swore” my kids would never look that way.

Its called survival. All mommies do it. LOL

My plan worked though. The girls both fell asleep on the way home from the store, and all I had to do was carry them to their rooms for the night. By 7:30 pm, I had the evening to myself. Pure heaven! I could surf the net and control the TV remote to my heart’s content. I vegged on the couch and ignored the 7 loads of laundry waiting for me. It seems there’s always some chore waiting for me (usually more than one) and I rarely get to just relax. Did I mention it was pure heaven? LOL

what we did today

My mom and I took the girls to the circus this afternoon. On the way there, we passed the mall. Gracelin piped up: "Grandma", she said, "thats the mall right there. Whenever we go there, my daddy gets really grumpy." LOL It was one of those priceless moments. She's hilarious. We've only ever been to the mall with daddy once, and I don't even remember him being especially grumpy. Anyway . . . the circus was a blast. Both girls were completely enthralled. Personally, I'm a little too "greenpeacy" to really like watching the performing animals, and all the acrobatic stuff makes me sick because I'm so afraid of heights. But it was so worth it to see the looks on my kids' faces. Even Bryn was squealing in delight.

7 months old

Actually, yesterday was Bryn's 7 month birthday, but I couldn't get the photo upload to work. And I couldn't post about her birthday without a picture of my pretty girl. And she is so pretty. I just cannot get enough of her. She is the most huggable, lovable girl ever. I swear she gives bear hugs and kisses already - she squeezes with her arms and burries her head in my shoulder, then she'll come at me with her wet and open mouth for a sloppy kiss. She is so much fun. Everything makes her smile and laugh - its like the world is one big joke to her. Even people in stores come up and comment to me about how happy she seems.

Yesterday when I picked her up from daycare, Miss J was all excited to tell me the Bryn PULLED UP! She's not even crawling yet (although she's so close) but she can pull up. Being the type of mommy who won't say my kids have completed a milestone until I've seen it myself, I went on my way with a smile. But then this morning, Ben saw her pull up. So, I suppose there is no more denying it. Time to lower the crib.

Bryn continues to be a big girl. Last week she had an ear infection, and weighed 18.5 pounds. I pulled out all of her sister's old winter stuff, and what she fits now is what G wore when she was walking. Its funny to me, because it makes Bryn seem older than she really is.

Physically she's developing quickly. She can get on all 4s and rock back and forth. I've seen her move 2 crawl steps before she falls on her belly, but she can somehow scoot to where she needs to be. My doctor said that crawling isn't considered a milestone anymore; they look for the ability to move to an object out of reach, which she clearly can do. She's got excellent hand/eye coordination. Its fun to watch her in the bath as she tries to pick up floating toys. She's gotten really fast. And she's so handsy - I have to be careful because her lightning fast hands pick up the wrong stuff all of the time. She also wants to feed herself. During meal time, I put her in her highchair with some finger foods and she goes nuts. And the second something runs out, she's screaming at me for more. (and she's got a really loud scream).

Verbally she seems a bit behind (but of course I'm comparing her to her older sister, the linguistic genius who spoke her first sentence, "bye daddy" at 9 months old). She does try and copy me though, so I know she's trying. She makes several consonant sounds, and is learning to make sounds with her tongue. She does know and respond to her name, and if her sister laughs she'll laugh back.

I love watching her personality develop. She has the sweetest disposition and is the most loving baby. She loves to cuddle (and so does mommy). And she is so smiley and bright-eyed. She gets excited at the slighest thing - especially Mommy. When she thinks I'm coming to pick her up, she squeals, laughs, and flails her arms and legs. At that point I'd better pick her up, or she gets mad.

Her schedule is great right now. She sleeps solidly 12-13 hours at night, with the occasional night waking for a feed (which I don't mind the one-on-one cuddle time). Usually she takes 3 naps, that are anywhere from 45 minutes - 2 hours long. While her schedule may not be totally predictible as far as daytime nap schedule, her cues are easy to read.

I love my Boo so much, and I cannot imagine life without her.

I love my husband

In all fairness to him, after that really awful post about him a few weeks ago, I had better let the "cyber community" know what a good man he is. Things had escallated last week, and got pretty ugly between us. Then something bad happened: we got a call that my brother was in a coma and the doctors didn't know if he was going to wake up. That was sort of a "wake up call" for Ben and I. I kept thinking what if something happened, and I was left feeling that my last words to my husband had been ugly.

So, we had a long talk on Thursday. A really long talk. At the end of it all, my head hurt but I couldn't sleep. I was worried things were going to get worse after that. But, they've been so wonderful ever since. Ben has been trying so hard, and so have I.

On Sunday at church, the speaker talked about why parents love their children: its because they are constantly serving them. Out of service comes love. Although we didn't discuss it with each other, both Ben and I have been trying to apply that same principle to our marriage.

Yesterday I came home from work to find a yummy dinner prepared. Ben had gotten the recipe to my favorite dressing from Cafe Rio, and he made delicious taco salads. Even Gracelin scarfed hers up. Then, he helped get everything cleaned up. After the kids were in bed and the house straightened, he made the effort to try some foreplay (instead of his typical "hey baby lets go in the bedroom and get it on"). We had lots of kinky fun in the bedroom. It was a great day.

I am blessed to have a husband that loves me and wants me to be happy. I don't think most men would try as hard as he does, and I'm grateful.

My big little girl

Gracelin's growing up so quickly. The other day I blinked, and she somehow became a little girl in the place of my little baby. She is so full of life. I simply cannot get enough of her.

Her favorite things include:

• her little sister - Gracelin loves Bryn to death . . . literally. Lately she's into "fluffing" her and giving her "squeezers" - which are basically tight hugs where the poor baby appears to be smothered.
• her buddy - aka Daddy - G loves her daddy so much.
• swimming - the other day, G sadly proclaimed that "thy put the lid on the pool". I had to explain that the pool would reopen again next summer, and she was almost in tears. Swimming with Buddy is definitely her most cherished passtime. She got really brave this summer too. She'll jump off the side of the pool and go completely under the water without even plugging her nose. Of course, Buddy is right there to catch her.
• spicy foods - this little girl wouldn't eat a piece of fruit or veggie to save her life, but she's been caught drinking salsa straight from the bowl on more than one occasion. I don't worry much. At least she's getting some veggies. She also loves chili, tacos, and lasagne. She's a strange one
• jumping - I don't think she walks anywhere. Her little calves and thighs are getting muscle definition in them from the constant workout.
• books - G loves to read, and has many of her favorites completely memorized. She can sit and "read" a book to herself and she gets most of the words right. She's also starting to recognize many of the letters, and is fascinated by me telling her what they are and what sounds they make. I'm convinced she'll be a genius some day as a result.
• music - she loves to sing and be sung too. She's got so many songs memorized. One of her favorite thigs to do, is replace the words so she can sing about a specific item and/or person.
• nurturing - lately she will ask me to pretend to cry or be sad so she can comfort me. She'll hug me, kiss me, pat me, and tell me it will all be ok. I secretly love this. She's also incredibly nurturing to her baby dolls - and everything is a baby (even the shampoo bottle wrapped in a washcloth)

I am so blessed to have such a special little girl. I love her so much.

Sometimes I don't like my husband very much

Today was one of those days. Mornings are always a rush. We wake the girls at 6, and have to be out the door about 6:25 to be on time for everything. So that means, we have to wake them, dress them, and feed them in a short time. As anyone can imagine, it takes careful coordination to make things run smoothly. And one little glitch can throw off the carefully-planned routine.

This morning, however, Brynlee woke at 5am to feed and went back to sleep. Since I knew she wouldn't be hungry again at 6am, I thought I had a few minutes to spare. But then Gracelin woke up grumpy, and wanted me to help her instead of Daddy. Fine. I had a few extra minutes to spare, right? Well, instead of continuing on with things, my hubby sat down in the computer chair and did absolutely nothing to help me. So, I figured since he had some spare time, he could help by bringing a new roll of TP into the girls' bathroom and by giving the baby her medicine. But instead of helping me out, he told me that he had to leave for work in 3 minutes or would be late (first I've ever heard of this. I'm always out the door before him). Then he told me that he was tired of me "bossing him around". WTF? Is this man 29 or 9? As if me asking him to get off of his fat duff and help out was "bossing him around".

I didn't talk to him most of the day. Usually we talk 2-3 time throughout the day, but today I didn't call him at all. Finally around 2pm-ish he called me and acted like nothing ever happened. But I was still pissed and let him know. He had the gall to acuse me of things and to laugh at me. I hung up on him.

I know it sounds childish, but sometimes he is so unreasonable. I just get sick of him. Sometimes I think I'd be happier on my own. I've spent all day really depressed and longing for some way to make myself feel better. I drove around on my lunch break trying to decide where to go buy a giant oreo/caramel shake to blow the hell out of my diet. I ended up with a box of low fat granola bars and settled for one. At least they had chocolate in them.

He'll probably come home tonight, all apologetic and really nice to try and make me feel guilty. Or, he'll be really pissed off at me and won't even talk. Either way, he'll probably think we need to fix things in the bedroom. UGH. Thats the LAST thing I want to do with this man.

I feel sorry too, because it affects the kids. Gracelin kept asking me what was wrong this morning. She's very perceptive, and it bothers her when there is contention in the house. We're probably causing irreversable damage to her growth and development.

Can you die from being tired?

I love my girls, but they’re going to be the death of me. If a person can die of fatigue that is. Just this weekend, Ben and I were reminiscing about the “good old days” when we could sleep until noon. Now, I’m grateful to stay in bed until 7am. To make matters worse, Bryn has been sleeping like crap. Last night she was awake 5 times in the night. I can’t figure it out – she’s been sleeping through the night for 4 months now. This is worse than when she was newborn.

I love her though. She’s so physical. This morning she crawled 2 “steps”. I’m pretty sure within a week or 2 she’s going to be all over the house. She loves to squeal and rock back and forth – and she’s big and really strong. She also loves people, and is a social butterfly. Yesterday we had people over for dinner, and she wanted to sit in her highchair up to the table so she could be a part of it all. We were at the zoo yesterday too, and she learned to clap while we were at the bird show. She also loves food and food and more food. She didn’t get to be 18 pounds by accident. Even that yucky rice cereal will elicit such squeals of delight and foot kicking that it makes the whole family laugh.

Bryn and her sister already have such a bond. No one can make her laugh like Gracelin does. Sunday night G was playing peek-a-boo with Bryn, and she was laughing so hard she got the hiccoughs. She thinks her sister is hilarious. In fact, all we have to do is tell G to make her sister laugh – and she simply says “ha ha” and Bryn will giggle.

It just seems like she’s growing up really fast (much faster than her sister did), and while I’m excited to think that maybe sometime in the next 3 or 4 years I’ll actually get caught up on my sleep, I’m already missing my little baby.

What girl doesn't want to marry a doctor?

I think Gracelin is in love with her pediatrician. She talks about him all of the time. She also pretends to be sick. When I ask her what is wrong, she will tell me that she needs the doctor to fix her. Sometimes I worry that it is getting out of hand. On more than one occasion, she has pretended to throw up into the potty to prove how sick she is. I don’t think she really is sick – she never has a fever or anything. I just think its because she loves her doctor. LOL He is pretty cute.

She is such a funny girl. She’s outgoing and brave. Lately she’s obsessed with swimming. Her daddy takes her almost every night, and she L-O-V-E-S it! The other day, she saw some older kids diving, and she asked her daddy if she could try it. She’ll stand at the edge of the pool, put her hands over her head, and kind of flop into the water. She goes completely under, and doesn’t even need to plug her nose. Of course her daddy is right there to catch her though. I really need to get her into swimming lessons, but at this age all I can find are mommy and me classes. I think she’s too old for that, so I’ll probably have to wait until she’s 3.

Gracelin funny

The other day in the car I caught G picking her nose. When I asked her to stop, her response was this:

I'm not picking my nose, mom. I'm just moving my boogers around.

LOL

Gotta love kids

My beautiful Brynlee-boo

Brynlee is beautiful. She has creamy skin, pink rosebud lips, big blue eyes and a skiff of fuzzy hair about the color of a copper penny. She is also the happiest baby around, and laughes all the time. She is so strong, and is almost crawling. Bryn is also a big girl. She is 6 months old - she weighs 18 pounds and is 27 1/2 inches long. Her doctor says that she's the size of an average 11 month old. She has always been at the top of the charts, and sometimes doesn't even register on them. I feel badly for her already, because when people see her they always comment on her size. Even her daddy calls her chubbs. I don't think that is an appropriate way to address his beautiful daughter - talk about giving her a complex.

To make matters worse, her older sister Gracelin is a skinny mini. G was only 19 pounds at 13 months old. She is 2 1/2 and only weighs 24 pounds. G's potty trained, but wears a diaper at night - both girls wear the same size diaper! People are always commenting on how pretty she is.

I'm just worried poor Bryn is going to grow up with a complex. I don't want her to be compared her entire life to her petite older sister. Of course, they both have lots of growing to do, but I really worry about how Bryn is going to view herself.

I've always had issues with my body too - even when I was skinny. But now I'm on the chubby side, and I really hate my body. I feel so uncomfortable, and hate shopping for clothes to the point where I mostly buy stuff off the internet. I don't want my poor beautiful girl to grow up like her mommy and hate her own body.

Gotta love potty training

Yesterday on the way home from DC, G told me "mommy, I had a bad accident at day care today". I answered, "you did sweetie? I'm sorry". She responded, "Ya. And I peed in my shoes." Then she looked down at the shoes on her feet and exclaimed "Ewwww. I PEED in my SHOES." Then, she immediately kicked off her shoes in disgust. Of course they were jelly shoes so I'd sure they'd been washed, but it sure was funny.

Silly question

Ok - this may be a silly question, but I've never figured out how to add links to the other blogs I read on my own blog. How do I do this? And do I need to ask permission before linking? Help please!~

Happy 6 months old Brynlee-boo!

Bryn was 6 months old yesterday. I'm so sad that her babyness is 1/2 over. She is such a joy. She has got to be the happiest baby ever. She loves so smile and laugh, and she's so responsive. She's also got a great attention span for her age - she can keep herself entertained for an hour at a time. I think she's growing and teething. She was up 3 times to eat in the night - I"m one tired mommy today. At first I thought she was just really hungry, but now I'm a bit worried I'm having supply issues. I've barely pumped 1/2 of normal today.

Bryn is sitting up well, and starting to launch forward onto her hands and knees. She isn't rocking back and forth yet, but I remember that when G starting doing that it was only a couple of weeks before full-on crawling (of course G was almost 11 months old when she started). She's also got her 2 bottom teeth and she's working on the top 2. She's a slobbery mess - we spent much of the weekend naked because she kept getting her clothes all wet.

Bryn loves food too. I've never seen a baby eat cereal like she does. I've even started giving her some soft solids because she just seems to want more. Most of it gets spit back out, but she still loves every minute of it.

She and her big sister get along so well too. They love each other so much. I love watching them together.

Me - ology

GRUB-OLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice?~~homey mustardWhat is your favorite fast food restaurant?~~cafe rio
What is your favorite sit down restaurant?~~Ottavios (Italian)
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?~~At least 20% unless they are rude and totally suck, or forget to refill my diet coke
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?~~salad of any type
Name three foods you detest above all others.~~tomatoes, trout, oysters
What are your pizza toppings of choice?~~pineapple, green peppers, mushrooms
What do you like to put on your toast?~~butter (but I really don't eat much toast)
What is your favorite type of gum?~~I really don't chew gum either - TMJ

TECH-OLOGY
Number of contacts in your cell phone?~~???? Too many to count (I got a new phone last month and I'm still working on moving them over)
Number of contacts in your email address book?~~100s (if you count work contacts as well as personal)
What is your wallpaper on your computer?~~Pic of my girls
What is your screensaver on your computer?~~More pics
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer?~~if naked baby butts count LOL
How many land line phones do you have in your house?~~1
How many televisions are in your house?~~1
What kitchen appliance do you use the least?~~all of them!
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most?~~Adult alternative
How many sex toys do you own that require batteries?~~ too many to count (since I sell them for a living! LOL)

BI-OLOGY
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute?~~My straight teeth and great skin
Are you right handed or left handed?~~left
Do you like your smile?~~ Love it - see straight teeth comment above
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?~~tonsils, wisdom teeth, endometriosis stuff
Would you like to get something removed?~~Yep - serious lypo
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom?~~ I'm never in the that long - I'm an in-and-out kind of person
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?~~Smell
When was the last time you had a cavity?~ I have one now
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly?~~My 2 kids at the same time
Have you ever been knocked unconscious?~~yep - country swing dancing in college I got dropped on my head

MISC-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?~~ yes
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?~~ I've never really liked my name per se, but I have no idea what I'd rather be
How do you express your artistic side?~~scrapbooking or decorating my house
What color do you think you look best in?~~Brown
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison?~~Forever
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?~~Don't think so
If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?~~Ewwwww.
How often do you go to church?~~ Almost every Sunday
Have you ever saved someones life?~~Ummm - when I was training to be an EMT I went on several ambulance ride alongs, but no one was ever in a life threatening situation, however I did do some medical care.
Has someone ever saved yours?~~ No
D
ARE-OLOGY
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?~~ If it was in Europe
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?~~ Yes (I've always been a bit curious)
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?~~No
Would you never blog again for $50,000?~~Hmmm - have to think about that one
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?~~ Nope - no one wants to see me naked!
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?~~How hot? Probably
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?~~No - I couldn't even take an animal's life for that
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000?~~ These are stupid quesitons. I probably would though. It would grow back.
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?~~ Yep - I barely watch now. We have rabbit ears on our TV and only get like 2 channels. Ask me to give up my internet connection though and I'd be seriously hurting

Weekend update

Wow! This weekend just flew by. I have 3 day weekends, and I swear I need 4 days. LOL I had 2 Passion Parties this weekend (yay for the $$$ I made) which kept me really busy, and then my husband was gone a lot. He and I never see each other.

The big news of the weekend was that Gracelin is wearing big girl panties. She only had one accident all weekend too. Of course we still put her in diapers during naps and at bed time, but she's doing well while awake. We even took her shopping, outside to play, and to church. She's doing amazingly well.

The second biggest news is that Bryn is almost crawling. She can get onto her hands and knees from a sitting position and she rocks back and forth. While its fun to watch her grow and develop, I am really mourning the loss of my baby.

Aren't weekends supposed to be relaxing and fun?

I had the LONGEST weekend of my life. Suddenly Gracelin has decided that she doesn't need to do anything I want her to and she cries over everything. Not whining either. This annoying loud screetching cry that makes me want to stick ear plugs in. I'm thinking she may be coming down with something, but she has no sickness symptoms at all. What a personality shift. On top of that, Bryn's got a cold and isn't sleeping well. Yesterday she took 5 15-minute cat-naps all day and then wouldn't settle down to sleep. Last night, I finally put both of my girls in their rooms and let them CIO. I just couldn't cope. I feel like the worst mommy - I totally lost my temper with G and yelled at her. She just kept "stalling" and whining for things that she doesn't need at betime. After the 1,000th time she got out of bed, I yelled at her to "get into bed NOW". She looked at me like I was crazy and I had to go put her into bed.

On top of all of that, I had traded parties with a girl that does Pampered Chef, and Saturday was the party at my house. So, I had to actually clean while all of the chaos was ensuing. And I invited a friend that we hang out with because we feel sorry for (not because we actually enjoy her company). Long story short - the girl WOULD NOT LEAVE MY HOUSE. All the other guests were gone by 1:30, and she stayed until 4. She had put her little boy to bed in G's bed for a nap without even asking me. SO G had no where to sleep and never took a nap (only added to her hellish personality). Needless to say, I haven't slept in 3 days and now I feel like I'm getting sick. I would love a vacation!

The PC party was kind of a bust too. I'd invited almost 50 people, and only 9 showed up. Out of those 9, only 4 people ordered. Party sales were only $144. I felt badly for the girl. I either have really cheap friends, or PC consultants don't make very much. I always try and buy something when I go to a PC party, but honestly I usually only budget $20 (I don't cook, so most of my cooking utensils sit unused in my kitchen). It did make me feel good about my Passion Parties business. The worst party I've ever had there were only 4 guests (including the hostess) and I made $150 at that party and got one booking. I guess its true that sex sells.

My husband gets totally annoyed at me spending even $20 at parties like that. Except when I went to my first Passion Party. I spent $125 and he was mad I hadn't bought MORE stuff. LOL No wonder he encouraged me to become a consultant.

I'm married to a sensitive man

Occasionally I hear women complain about their husband's lack of sensitivity. Well - I have the opposite problem. My husband is THE most sensitive person in the world, and he completely expects me to be happy 100% of the time. It drives me crazy. He doesn't understand that it is TOTALLY NORMAL to have a sad day, bitchy day, etc. He wants everything even-keel around the house and it drives me insane. I feel like I have to tiptoe around him all of the time, lest he think I am unhappy in every way. I can't count the number of times he's complained to me that he doesn't feel like he makes me happy. I'm totally content with my life. I have a wonderful family, job, house, friends, etc. But I do have bad days. I'm really a pretty even-tempered person - I don't have a lot of highs or lows. Its funny because my MIL is a very emotionally charged person. My husband grew up around that - you'd think he'd be happy to have a woman who is generally calm all of the time. Maybe I need to start acting a bit more giddy.

It even affects our kids. He'll tell Gracelin to stop crying all of the time. I have to fix it by telling him (and subsequently her) that its ok for her to be sad or to cry sometimes. (I don't put up with whining though). He can't even stand for Bryn to cry. Last night we were both trying to get dinner on the table, and Bryn was getting fussy. He snapped at me to go get her. I tried to explain to him that its perfectly ok for a baby to cry for a few mintues, that I was busy and I'd get her when I was finished making G's dinner. He snapped back that he can't stand to have crying in the house. WTF? He's living in a house with 3 girls and none of us are allowed to CRY?

Someone better give this man a wakeup call. LOL

Maybe we need counselling. I've got some friends in my on-line mommy's group who are going through counselling and it seems like a good idea for us. We agrue a lot. We've even stopped having sex as often - and the funny thing is that its me being turned down too. What a role reversal we have in our marriage.

We do have major communication issues, and it usually results in a big, fat fight. We also fight over the computer all of the time. I like to come home from work and work on my Passion Parties business. My husband likes to come home and play Final Fantasy until the butt-crack of dawn. Finally he admitted to me yesterday that he feels left out when I'm on the computer, which is so silly. If I wasn't on then he would be.

We also have issues with our work-ethics. I'm perpetually busy. I'm not happy unless I've got 150 things going on. I rarely just sit and watch TV and/or relax. I like working and doing things. He likes to sit and do nothing. He gets mad at me a lot that I won't just sit and do nothing with him. I cannot think of anything I like less than just sitting. He thinks I'm a work-a-holic and I think he's lazy. I'm sure the perfect balance lies somewhere in the middle - that we're each too extreme.

Hmmm. I think I'm just rambling now.

I do love him. He's a good husband and father. He helps out with the house and kids more than my own dad ever did. The girls love him. I love him too, but I have to admit I've thought about leaving him on more than one occasion. Sometimes I miss the excitement of dating. (Maybe he and I should become swingers? LOL) Overall though, I am happy with him and I want to stay married, for more reasons then just the kids.

Pectus excavatum

Gracelin has a pectus excavatum. You can see it fairly well in these pictures. (I love the belly button picture BTW) I remember the first time I noticed it. She was around 4 months old, and in the bathtub. I noticed the water was pooling in it, and I was worried she was having retractions. Since it was time for a well-baby check, I asked her pediatrician about it while we were there. He called it a chest dimple and told me it was merely cosmetic, that we could choose to do surgery later to correct it. Since then, I have done some research on it, and it may be more than cosmetic. Some people with severe deformation can have compression on their lungs and heart. That is a scary prospect to me. Sometimes I worry that she'll have health issues (there I go worrying again).

Besides the health reasons, I wonder what it will do for her body image and self esteem. When she's clothed it is not noticible. But what about when she wears a bikini or starts puberty. Will it be more noticible then? I'm sure it will. Its difficult enough for normal children to have healthy self-images during their teenage years. What about a poor child with a physical deformity.

Is that what she has? A deformity? It makes it sound awful. I prefer chest dimple. Afterall, dimples are cute. RIGHT?

My views on breastfeeding

I breastfeed my babies. Gracelin was BF until 14 months. I only stopped then because I was pregnant, and sick. I thought it was the best decision for me and the new baby I was growing. Brynlee is also breast fed. I pump while at work so that my girls can have EBM in bottles at daycare. I've never supplemented them with formula, other than a few bottles in the beginning while my milk was still coming in (much to the chagrin of the Breastfeeding Natzi, er . . . um . . . Lactation Specialist at the hospital).

I love breast feeding. Just this morning my DH commented to me, as I was sitting on the couch nursing Brynlee, that he just knew I'd be glad when I didn't have to nurse Bryn anymore. I'm sure my response was a bit harsh, but I told him that I love nursing my baby. I love the closeness I feel. I love that it is "forced cuddle time". I love that I personally am nourishing my sweet baby, and that she is growing big and strong because of me. I love that I'm providing antibodies towards illness and lowering her chances of diabetes and obesity, among other ailments. The list could go on and on. Let it suffice to say that I LOVE nursing.

That being said, I've never been comfortable nursing in public. At church, there is a mother's room, complete with 4 rocking chairs and low lighting. Even in there I try to keep covered as much as possible. If we are out, I either pump and take a bottle or I nurse in the car. I don't like the stares I've gotten when I try and NIP. Neither of my babies will tolerate having their heads covered while nursing.

I hate that I'm so uncomforable with it. I really wish that I could be more open to NIP. It truly is baby's best start, and I wish I could be more proud. I suppose that I don't make a very good lactivist.

Its funny too that people are afraid of my pump! They whisper in the office about the fact I am pumping. My coworkers stare at my pump as I carry it to the breakroom to wash the components. They will not put their lunches next to the bottles of EBM in the office fridge. Its like everything even associated with nursing is poison or taboo or something. You'd think I was walking through the office topless from the looks I get. Sheesh

Mommies don't get sick

As I've shouldered the responsiblity of caring for my 2 baby girls and 1 baby husband last week while they all fought off nasty colds and pink eye, I've comforted myself with the fact that mommies don't get sick. Afterall, who would be there to care for the babies?

Somehow I missed the memo.

I woke up this morning with my eyes crusted shut, my throat raging, a stuffy nose, and general malaise. I hate being sick, but it especially sucks when I can't just lie in bed and sleep it away. Or take Nyquil. I really miss Nyquil. I've been pregnant and/or breast feeding since the middle of 2003. Thats 3 years without Nyquil. {{SIGH}} I really wish putting myself into a drug-induced oblivion and sleeping the sickness away. Instead, I'm stuck at work avoiding work as I surf the 'net.

Deleloping a fear of the dark

In my younger years I loved the dark. Don't get me wrong, I had plenty of nights when I slept with the light on after reading Stephen King into the wee hours. But, as a young adult I loved being outside in the cover of darkness. I loved the comfortable feel of it. It isn't as if I was (usually) out being mischevious. I just liked being outside in the dark.

Lately though, I've develped a fear of the dark. The dark is where bad people live - people who may want to harm my babies. I feel unsafe being out at night - even if its just to run over to the clubhouse to workout. I don't like how it makes me feel.

Its funny what becomming a mommy has done to me. I worry about the silliest things. I mean, what are the chances that something is going to happen in my safe, white bread community?

Teaching a 2 year old

In light of recent tragedies involving small children, I've decided to teach Gracelin a few things to help her out in the event that something does happen. I think some of it is starting sink in. I quizzed her last night, and here's how our conversation went:

mommy: whats your name
G: Gracie H . . .
mommy: what's your mommy's name
G: Christie H. . . .
mommy: what's your daddy's name
G: Ben H . . .
mommy: how old are you
G: 2 (giggles)
mommy: where do you live
G: San Diego

LOL

Oh well - we'll have to work on the address. I've taught her the street name, but for some reason she is obsessed with San Diego and we've never even been there. I think I'd better save 911 for another day too. She's still doing great for 2 years and 3 months.

Bryn is 5 months old!

Brynlee is such a bright and beautiful girl. She has the happiest smile and brightest eyes. She's such a lover - she loves to smile, squeal and cuddle. For 5 months old, she is such a social butterfly, and knows how to make people smile. She also loves her big sister - no one can make Bryn laugh like G can. They're so sweet together.

Brynlee is sitting up now. She does really well and can stay up for a long time. She also loves to be on her tummy, and will rock back and forth. I think she's close to crawling. She scoots all around to find toys she wants to play with. Her favorite things right now are balls. Daddy's convinced she's going to be a little athlete.

Bryn also got her first tooth this weekend. OTher than drooling excessive amounts and wanting to chew on everything, she's really had no other symptoms. It seems I've been blessed with easy teethers. (KNOCK on wood!!)

She also loves solids. Yesterday I let her lick a pear I was eating, and she was in heaven. That was the first fruit she's ever tried, but she loves when I mash her some fresh peas to eat. Her favorite so far though are sweet potatoes. YUMMY! Even rice cearal though is a big hit, although I've noticed as she's tried more foods she likes the cereal less.

95% of the time Bryn is the happiest baby on the block. The other 5% though, WATCH OUT. She's got red-headed temperment. LOL She can escallate very quickly too, so we've learned to meet her needs quickly. As long as we do though, she's an angel.

She's getting prettier by the day too. Her hair is the color of a shiny new penny, and its like thick peach fuzz all over the top of her round head. She's got rosy lips and a creamy, white skin. She looks like a baby doll. And she's so round and squisy - she's got dimples everywhere. She just look like a baby should look. I love her so much.

More than you ever wanted to know about my girls

Is it normal for mommies to have recurrent bad dreams about their babies? I get them a lot, and usually they involve one of my children dying. Morbid I know, but the dreams are so real and disturbing that they occupy much of my though. Lately I’ve been having one where one of my girls falls – usually off of a 1000-foot cliff in Southern Utah’s red rock country. Its so vivid and real that I don’t think we’ll ever be taking a family vacation anywhere in the vicinity of 1000-foot cliffs. I’ve never really talked about these nightmares with anyone else, although I would assume it’s fairly normal for a mother to have fears of losing a child. My girls are so precious to me: I can’t bear the though of losing one. I don’t know how parents go on who lose a child.

Today though, I want to post all about my beautiful babies.

I can’t believe my Brynlee Boo will be 5 months old on Thursday. She is growing way too fast. Part of me is really sad to lose the newborn, but I am excited too for the curious, big girl she is becoming. I’m excited though for the day when she is old enough to play with her big sister – there is such a bond there. Whenever Bryn is sad or fussy, I’ll ask Gracelin to sing to her or make her laugh. It works every time. No one can elicit a smile or belly laugh from the baby like Sister can. They have such a special closeness.

Brynlee is rolling like crazy. Most babies roll tummy to back, and hate tummy time. Not my little Boo – she’s all about tummy time. As soon as her back hits the blankie, she’s rolling over her left side to hang out. She’s starting to push up too onto her knees and rock (did I mention she’s not yet 5 months old?) She’s so strong and determined.

Brynlee is also very alert. She knows exactly what is going on in the house at all times. It makes for a baby that is very often difficult to get to sleep and eat. She’ll only nurse when she’s absolutely starving (which you’d never guess by looking at her) and sleep is very elusive. Daytime naps are few and far between and it makes it hard to stick to a schedule; however by night time, she crashes and sleeps great. She does love solid foods though – its like she wants to be big, and she just loves eating like a big girl. Even rice cereal is a huge hit. She’ll squeal and kick her feet as soon as she knows its meal time. And she has to sit on my lap while I eat – she reached for my plate and quite a few times has grabbed a handful of my food.

Gracelin is a big and bright 2 year old. I can’t believe she’s so grown up. She is a very mature 2 (its like she’s 2, going on 15). She is fully conversational, and sometimes amazes me with the things she comprehends. Right now she is really interested in family relationships. Last night my sister Jen and her husband Tyler were over for dinner. Gracelin said to me that Jen is a wife and Tyler is a husband. LOL Its so funny the things that she thinks about.

She’s starting to recognize letters, and loves finding them. This morning, she puked all over herself in the car (still not over the carsickness, UGH) and since we were 4 blocks from daycare I decided to just run to WalMart and pick up a new outfit. As we were walking in, Gracelin pointed to a sign overhead and said “look Mommy, it’s a letter ‘A’”. And she was right. Yesterday she asked me what my favorite song is. I don’t remember what I even told her, but when I asked her favorite song, she proudly told me “it’s the A, B, C song Mommy”. And then she proceeded to sing it 100 times.

She’s starting to count too, and can get all the way to 13 before she starts getting mixed up. She was counting in the car today on the way to daycare (before the carsick episode) and after 13, said “16 . . . 19 . . .. Christie-teen” and then giggled at her clever self.

She is a stinker though about some things. She is so very stubborn. Eating is quite a challenge since she only has about 5 foods she’ll tolerate. This morning she actually had a glass of fortified orange juice and whole-wheat toast (best breakfast in ages) but yesterday she ate a taquito. She used to eat so well, so I’m hoping this is just a phase, but its lasted for months and is getting worse. There is not one fruit nor one vegetable she’ll tolerate. She’ll try them too, but will spit everything out. She does drink that expensive orange juice for kids and we give her vitamins.

Sleep has become a challenge too. She used to sleep great, but I think she’s begun having nightmares and gets afraid of the dark. Lately she cannot fall asleep unless mommy or daddy is in bed with her. Luckily she’s in a queen so its comfortable. She frequently wakes in the middle of the night too, and we have to go lay with her. I’ve debated letting her CIO, but really I don’t mind the cuddle times. Besides, (as Dr Sears said) she’s not going to come home from the prom and want to sleep with mommy. This phase will likely be over soon enough and I’ll long for her to want to cuddle again. I’d better just enjoy it while it lasts.


Ahhh – my little girls are perfect. I’d better stop myself here, or I’d ramble forever.

Could my family be any cuter?

This was actually taken on Memorial Day, over 6 weeks ago. I need to update. We were at the Great Salt Lake, but Gracelin thought we were in San Diego - any large bodies of water are San Diego. We're leaving for Jackson, WY in a few minutes, and I'll post more then.

Mulling over my defection

I have been journalling over at TLOL for a long time - I think I started in 2002. I've had this blog for a long time as well; however it has not been my love. I like the TLOL community so much as well as the format, and I've found myself posting there instead of here. Besides, it seemed silly to have a blog and a journal. I've got a lot invested at TLOL - over 300 entries that take me from the young DINK to the mommy of 2 that I am now. But lately, the majority of my "friends" over there have moved on, and while there are plenty of others there that I frequently read, I miss so many of the people I originally met there.

So, I'm considering resurrecting my blog.

Am I jumping on the blogging bandwagon? Maybe.

I just worry that I don't have time to keep up a blog and keep up on TLOL. There are many over there that I check on frequently. But, I suppose that I should be most concerned with preserving my own thoughts and feelings instead of being a "cyber voyeur".

LOL

What to do?

Honestly, I'm not as addicted to TLOL as I once was. Perhaps its simply that I don't have the time. With 2 kids and 2 jobs, I barely have time to think some days, let alone "play" on the computer.

There's always the fear too that no one will read. How pathetic am I that my fear of not being liked by a bunch of people I've never met is a driving factor in my decision.

How do you know when you're done?

Two kids is a really nice round number. We have a 3 bedroom home. Our car fits 2 car seats really nice. There's two parents (thus one kid for each parent to take care of). The entire time I was pregnant with Brynlee, I was sure she was the last. I hate being pregnant so much, and really I'm not a healthy pregnant person.

But something happened once she was born. I'm not sure what has caused me to feel this way, but I have a nagging feeling that our family isn't complete. I feel that somehow there's another child for our family someday. Ben and I discussed it, and he's not entirely opposed to the idea. But, he wants to wait until both girls are potty trained until we try. He loves his girls, but I know he'd love a boy too. Ben's such a sports nut. He really needs a boy to pass that along to. Of course our girls can play ball with their daddy, but there's something about having a BOY to do those things with that I think every man wants.

Of couse, I can't put 3 kids into daycare. So, if we do have one more, I'd have to be a SAHM. (the ramifications of this extend well beyond the title to my blog). Obviously we need to make some financial changes before this happens as well.

Then, there's the factor of my age. I'll be 32 this year - which isn't ancient by any standards. But, I have this fantasy of being an empty-nester and being young enough to enjoy it. I suppose there's always the risk of Down's too the older I get.

Hmmmm. So much to consider.

Yesterday Gracelin said to me, "I love my family. They make me happy - my sister and my brother". Ben and I just looked at each other and asked "did she say BROTHER?" Of course she could just have been repeating something she heard at daycare or even the nursery at church. Then again, she could know something that the rest of us haven't figured out yet. LOL Out of the mouths of babes.

So, I guess to sum up my ramblings: We're not entirely certain that our family's complete.

Me = Fatty McFatty

Pregnancy is not kind to my body. At all. My hyperemesis is much worse when I'm hungry, so in an attempt to keep my tummy settled, I eat almost constantly. As a result, I gain lots of weight. Even though I try and eat healthy food choices, too much food is too much. KWIM?

My body looks terrible. I'm almost 50 pounds overweight, and I hate myself for that. My tummy is the worst. Brynlee gave me terrible stretch marks (I guess thats what a 9 pound baby does to a person) and my leftover skin is literally hanging around my midsection. YUCK.

I'm desperately trying to lose weight. Breastfeeding makes me constantly hungry too, so I feel like I'm always fighting with myself. I'm limiting my sugar, fat, and refined carbs. Since I started trying, I've lost 10 pounds in 4 weeks. I know I need more exercise, but having two babies and working a full-time job makes working out almost impossible.

At least my kids are cute (see picture to left LOL)

Wow - I suck at this

I can't believe its been almost a year since my last post. Here's a quick recap of the past year:

We ended up putting our house up for sale, and it sold in only 4 days. Since we hadn't even gotten our new house plans back from the architect yet, we moved in with my parents. Right after we moved in, I realized that I hadn't been feeling well for quite awhile. So, I took a pregnancy test and found out that we were expecting our second baby. This came as quite a shock, since we didn't think that we could get pregnant on our own. But, we were happy.

The news of a new baby changed our plans. We both felt that our decision to build where we'd planned wasn't the best choice. So, we just walked away and found a different lot and started the process to build something a bit smaller and cheaper. I was so grateful to be living with my mom at that time, as I was so sick from the pregnancy.

Our new home was finished in Jan 2006, and we moved in while I was 9 months pregnant. Talk about stress! I was uncomfortable, huge, and totally swollen. My pregnancy was easier than it was with Gracelin, but I still threw up almost every day and I suffered from PIH and pitting edema.

My water broke in the middle of the night on Sunday Feb 19, so we were off to the hospital. Brynlee Mae was born at 2:59 on February 20th (her Grandpa's birthday) weighing 9 pounds 2 ounces. They said she was 19 inches, but by her 2 week well baby check she was up to 22 inches - and I doubt that she grew 3 inches in 2 weeks. That would have been some growth spurt!

So, in the past year we've gotten a new house and a new baby. Lots has changed.

Long overdue update

I’ve been a bit MIA lately. My home computer crashed, and we’re not replacing it yet. So, I can only write at work – and believe it or not, I’ve actually been busy lately. There’s been a lot going on lately. Let me try and catch up:

DH and I put money on a building lot. We’ve been wanting to build a custom home for a long time, and now seems like the perfect time. He got offered a new job, making double what he was. (We don’t plan on having our payments being too much more though.) Also, because I am a city planner and I’m privy to information that others may not be, I learned some interesting facts about the property in my backyard, and I’ve decided now’s the best time to get out. DH and I have been working frantically to get our house ready to put on the market. Two different agents have told us that our house should sell really well – we just need to declutter. I don’t think that it is even that bad, but I’ve boxed up, donated, or thrown out tons of stuff. My closets and pantry look like store shelves – they are so neat and organized. I even folded my towels with the stripe in the same place and stacked them on different shelves according to the color. I think we are almost ready – its official on Friday. Based on the CMA, we are even asking almost 10 grand more than I’d anticipated. Wish us luck!

I’m so excited about this. Our lot is wonderful: up on a hill, overlooking a lake and the mountains. And, there is a park in the backyard. We do have a builder, and we’re meeting with him on Friday to begin drawing up our plans. He’s completely custom so we can decide (within reason) what we want. We also met with the mortgage guy last Monday, and right now we would qualify for both our current mortgage and what we think our new one will be. So, even if our house doesn’t sell, we are ok. I’m hoping it sells quickly though – I don’t want to be housepoor. We plan to move in with my parents until the new house is finished; the longer we can go without a house payment the more we can save for window coverings and new furniture. It sounds almost too good to be true doesn’t it.

Anyway (in other news): I just returned from Arizona. Gracelin and I went down for my cousin’s wedding. I was kinda worried about traveling with an “almost” mobile baby/toddler who is trying to assert her independence in every way. But, she was an angel. She loved everything, from the pool to the dance floor at the reception. The wedding was interesting. They got married in a Catholic church, but the bride is Jewish, so at the reception they did lots of traditional Jewish stuff. The reception was at her parents’ house – who are also millionaires. It was like something out of a movie. I’m sure the bar bill alone was in the $10,000s range. They served the most gourmet food – I bet they had 500 lobster tails. Everything was lavish and extravagant. Their “yard’ was more like a tropical garden and the set-up was amazing. All the tables were made of plexiglass with a linen covering, but then there was a light underneath so they glowed. Every palm tree had a green spotlight on it. Gracelin loved the lights, the people, and the music. I had her in the prettiest pink polkadot dress and she wore jewelry (which I haven’t been able to take off of her still). She was such a showoff, and truly the life of the party.

She really has been the sweetest thing lately. Her latest phrase is “no no no”. Someone at DC must say it to her a lot, because I only say “no” when she’s doing something potentially dangerous or destructive. Yesterday she was unrolling the toilet paper in my bathroom, and saying “no no no” the entire time. She says it anytime she’s doing something she knows she shouldn’t be doing, like pulling off her socks or playing with the TV remote. What a cutie. Her birthday is next week! She isn’t quite walking yet, but she’s close. She crawls really well, and will crawl after the cat for hours. The cat will lay there until G’s almost within reach, then dart away. It’s actually quite humorous.

Well – I’d better get to work. Yuck. Can’t I just be independently wealthy?

To spank or not to spank?

My parents spanked. My dad ruled with an “iron fist” and if I stepped out of line, I knew I was “gonna get it” – no questions asked. I know there is a lot of controversy surrounding spanking, and what it does to a child. I didn’t grow up to be a mass murderer and I still love my parents (in fact we have a great relationship) but I obeyed out of fear. I was a fairly well behaved child and teenager. I was afraid to step out of line, and rarely did. I can only count a handful of times that I truly misbehaved or even talked back. I knew better. Even in high school I rarely stepped out of line (I waited for college for that! LOL) I was too afraid of my dad to do anything wrong. Was I abused – no. Definitely not. But I do believe that spanking can be abuse, depending on the degree of hitting.

I have been thinking a lot about how I’m going to discipline Gracelin when the time comes. Right now she is just so perfect that I cannot imagine her ever misbehaving. But, I’m sure she will. Because the main form of discipline that my parents used was physical, I don’t know anything different. But, I really don’t want to spank. I do not believe that it is consistent. I will teach her not to hit others, but what does that say to her for me to spank her. I really want to parent with positive reinforcement rather than negative reinforcement. At the same time, I want to teach Gracelin to respect others – especially other adults like teachers.

DH and I had a long conversation last night about how we are going to discipline. He doesn’t want to spank either, but that was his parent’s main form of discipline as well. He was spanked and even hit with other objects on occasion – his mother one time broke a broom over his backside. Spanking caused him to rebel against his parents, and he still has issues with his parents today.

I guess I’m just worried that we won’t know how discipline our children because we grew up with corporal punishment in our homes. I don’t want to revert to spanking out of frustration, which is likely for me to do. I have a short fuse and can have quite an explosive temper when provoked. I love Gracelin so much, and never want to make her feel hurt/scared/afraid. I also want to teach her to behave appropriately.

I know the best way to teach is by example, which is a problem. I’m not perfect. It is unrealistic to think that she’ll never see me do or hear me say something contrary to the way I want to teach her. I yell. Sometimes I get so mad at DH that I want to kick him hard (I never do though). But I do work hard to be the best person that I can. I want her to see me working hard. And I do try to be a good and honest person. I hope too that by treating her with love and respect, she will learn to do the same for me.

Even now, I’m trying to teach her every day. I try not to be negative. Instead of telling her “no”, I try to redirect her. Instead of saying don’t do this or that, I try to give her something new to do instead. I also try to teach her to express her feelings. I never tell her to stop crying for example. Instead I hug her and say “its ok to cry when you are sad. But, mommy’s here and she loves you”. I think the structure that we follow helps with discipline, and even now she is learning her routine and what comes next. She knows now that after she gets dressed in the morning that she goes to lay with Daddy while she drinks her bottle. As soon as her socks are one, she wave at the door and ask for Daddy. I believe consistency is key.

Resolving old issues

I think I may be the world’s worst blogger. I read other’s blogs, and they seem so much more interesting. I’m going to try harder to update mine on a regular basis, in the hopes of being interesting. Along with that, I also notice that I introduce a topic, never to resolve it. So, I’m going to try and do better with that as well. So, here’s my attempt at resolution:

Organic milk: Recently I brought up the subject of regular-old cow’s milk vs. organic milk. I decided that organic was best for Gracelin, if for no other reason than the fact that it’s better for the cows. I found a local delivery service that will bring it to my doorstep once a week – and it’s over $1.00 cheaper per ½ gallon than it is at the store. They also bring cheese, bread, eggs, etc. And, I’m buying from a local dairy. I love it! I’ve begun the transition from mommy’s milk over to moo milk for Gracelin, and other than a bit of “plumbing problems” for her, its going well. I’m hoping to have her weaned by age 1 (only 5 weeks away . . . sniff)

RSV baby: She seems to be feeling better, but I don’t think her lungs have fully recovered. She still gets out of breath when she’s playing, and she occasionally wheezes/coughs. Last night she was wheezing pretty badly, but she wasn’t retracting and her respirations weren’t too high so I assumed she’s ok.

My “nether regions”: Everything is peachy down there. I made an appoint clear back when, and it is finally next week. I don’t really have “those” issues to discuss with him anymore, but I want to talk with him about why I’m so tired all of the time. And why my muscles are so sore.
Ok – I’m outta time now, but I’ll try and update more tomorrow

I want an extreme makeover

I didn't watch TV before Gracelin, but lately it seems I'm so tired at night, that all I can do is veg in front of the TV. I saw Extreme Makeover for the first time Monday night, and ever since then, I've been looking at myself in the mirror and wishing I could have an extremem makeover.

There are a few features of myself that I like: my teeth are perfectly straight and all the same size and I have beautiful skin. But aside from that, I am a complete mess. I need a brow lift and eye lift - something to make my eyes less saggy. My nose has a weird bump on it, so a nose job is definitley in order. My chin is slight, and I could use some lipo underneath it. I also need lipo on my flabby arms and back fat (where'd that stuff come from?), my inner thighs, and calves down by my ankles. I'd like my boobs to stand at attention instead of looking down at the ground, so maybe an uplift. And, lets top it all off with a tummy tuck.

I've been so unhappy with my body since having the baby - this show just made it worse. Why do they put such terrible stuff on TV?

Am I failing?

Sometimes I feel like I’m failing as a mother. The problem is that I use my own mother as an example, and I’m nothing like her. She grew up with a mother that was a schizophrenic, alcoholic, drug addicted, abusive, crazy person. Instead of letting that be an excuse to be a messed up person, my mother decided that her children would never live that type of life. My childhood was truly golden. Mom cooked us breakfast every morning, and had cookies baked when we came home. My clothes were always washed and put away. She vacuumed the house every day, cleaned the bathrooms every day – her house was immaculate. She taught aerobics, was the PTA president, and volunteered in our classrooms at school. We had a home-cooked dinner every night as a family. Needless to say, she was a saintly woman – the type of wife/mother I have always wanted to emulate.

Granted Gracelin is only 10 ½ months old, but I’m already losing it. I can’t remember the last meal that I cooked (unless micro waving something frozen counts). I’m so behind on the laundry – it isn’t uncommon to have to get clean underwear from the dryer instead of the dresser. There are seriously parts of my house that I can’t remember the last time they got vacuumed. There is so much dust on my furniture that I can write my name it.

I do try hard. I love my baby with all my heart. The days I work, I only get to spend an hour or so with her, but during that time, I play with her as much as possible. She also gets a bath, a massage, and a story read to her every night before bed. I sing to her, dance with her, and try to teach her things. I am also still breastfeeding her. I feed her healthy foods. I dress her in clean clothes (that sometimes do come straight from the dryer).

I’m just so tired at night. I can barely force myself to do the things that have to be done. But, after that is done, I usually just crash. I’d like to have the immaculately clean house that I grew up in. I’d like to be able to workout every day. I’d like to have time to work on my scrapbooking, or to read a book. And obviously I’d love more time with my baby and my husband.

My poor, sick baby

G's been so sick. She started with a runny nose and slight cough on Friday, but didn't seem to mind. I just thought she had a cold. But, on Sunday morning when I went to get her out of bed, I could hear her wheezing from across the room. DH and I ran her to Urgent Care, where they did a chest x-ray, gave her a breathing treatment, and sent her home.

She seemed to do better for a few hours, but by 1 pm she was having a difficult time breathing. Her respiratory rate was about twice what it should be and she was retracting. This time, I took her to the ER. They again did a chest x-ray and gave more breathing treatments, but this time they also tested for RSV. The culture came back positive. The doctor told me that she was borderline for being admitted into the hospital, but told me he felt comfortable sending me home with her. So, back home we went.

But, a few hours later, she was bad again, so we went back to the hospital. This time they admitted her. They put her on oxygen and the pulse oxymeter. Every hour, they would come in with this long suction tube and put it down her nose to suck all the junk out. I think it was going down into her lungs. Poor baby.
RSV is so bad, because there really isn't any medication they can give that helps. It is just a wait and see thing.

She came home from the hospital yesterday, but by last night, she was taking short, shallow breaths and her fever was up to 104. Every muscle in her body was rigid - I think because she was trying so hard to breathe. Back to the ER we went. This time, they got her fever down to 101, gave her another breathing treatment, and sent her home.

She wouldn't sleep last night unless she was in my arms. Poor baby. We actually did sleep pretty well though - I think because she and I were both so exhausted.

This morning she seems worse again. She can't even breathe well enough to eat. I finally got her to sleep by driving around the neighborhood. She's been sleeping for almost 2 hours. I have a follow-up visit at 2:30 - I wish it was that time now. I just feel so helpless. I know I complained when she was getting ear infections all the time, but at least they were easy to treat. After 24 hours on the antibiotics, she'd be back to her happy self. I wish I could make her feel better.

My aversion to "Pooh"

Personally, I hate all Disney Characters. I have never really liked Disney movies, but I especially hate the little reproductions from the movies. On the top of my all-time hate list, is Winnie the Pooh. Even as a child, I despised Pooh. (I mean, what the hell is a “pooh” anyway, and where are his pants?) But, now that I am an adult, my Pooh hate is rooted deep. It especially bugs me that retailers put his face on perfectly good clothing. I hate it so much, that the Pooh outfits I got at showers either went back to the store or are still hanging in the closet! That being said . . .

I also got a Pooh toy at a shower. It is a stuffed Winnie sitting on a green Heffalump who is also a rocking horse. When you squeeze the Heffalump’s trunk it plays a selection of children’s songs while moving forward with a rocking motion. This toy has sat on Gracelin’s shelf since the shower I got it as a gift. But, DH decided this week that G needed to play with it. She was sitting on the floor as he pulled it off the shelf. Her eyes lit up. She could barely contain the squeals as DH took it out of the box. And then, as he put it on the floor and squeezed the trunk, she started clapping wildly – she was so excited. Guess what her new favorite toy is!

Doesn’t she know that the hated of Pooh is in her genes?

Ugh!

9 month birthday update

Gracelin turned 9 months old yesterday – her babyness is ¾ of the way over. It is really sad to me – she’ll be a toddler before I know it. Some days I miss the little baby. She’s so much fun now, but it is rare that I can get her to cuddle. She is getting to be such a big girl. Gracie loves to eat, and really the only food she doesn’t like so far has been peaches. She’s also getting ready to crawl – she’ll leap forward from sitting onto her hands and knees, and sit there rocking back and forth. I’m sure its just a couple more weeks before she’s all over the place. Already she’s so busy, and I’m afraid its only going to get worse in the months to come.

Something has happened to my good little sleeper though – she’s up at least once (but usually twice) during the night all of a sudden. After months of sleeping though the night, I have to hope this is only a phase that passes soon. I’m exhausted. My sil told me that she ready it is typical for babies to adjust their sleeping around 7-9 months old, as they are developing so much right now. We have also been trying to teach her sign language. She’s learning milk and eat right now. Apparently babies can learn to communicate through sign before they can talk. I do think she’s going to talk early though. She doesn’t just indiscriminately babbly anymore – she has definite sounds (if not complete words) for several objects. She’s got “words” for daddy, mommy, bye-bye, bottle, and uh-oh. She’s such a cutie!

My defiant girl

Gracelin and I had our first fight yesterday. She was playing in the living room when she suddenly dove forward and began licking the carpet (that hadn’t been vacuumed in about a week). I called her name, and she looked up with a tongue covered in fuzzies and a cat hair on her chin! Ewwww! I told her to stop – which I’m pretty sure she understood. But, she just went right back to licking. I again asked her to stop – this time in a more firm tone. She looked up again, and went back to licking. She was intentionally being defiant. I went over and picked her up to get her to stop licking, and she got upset. What a mean mommy I am to stop her from LICKING the carpet! Sheesh!