Missed opportunities

There was a shooting at a local church on Sunday. Apparently the husband and wife were getting a divorce. On Sunday morning, he opened fire on her when she got out of her vehicle in the church parking lot. Her mother was in the car. Other people were in the parking lot. They all watched the dad and husband gun his wife down in cold blood. It is such a horrific event, that I cannot imagine how it could happen - especially since I know the family.

We lived in the same neighborhood a couple of years ago, and we knew the family well. Ben played basketball with the husband, and I sang in the choir with the wife. I'll have to admit that I never got along with her very well. She was Type A, and I am too. She was outspoken, and I always felt that she was also a bit snobby. She and I were pregnant at the same time, and her poor little boy was born around the same time as G. Actually, now that I think about it, she and I had a lot in common. Maybe we could have been good friends, but I never took the time to even try. I can remember more than once telling Ben that I didn't like her - that she "rubbed me the wrong way". And every time he would tell me to be nice, give her a chance, etc. I never took his advice.

Then, I checked Carrie's blog this morning, and she had also posted about this. As I read on, it really suprised me to realize that the very qualities that annoyed me about this girl, were the qualities that made Carrie want to be her friend. I felt very guilty and ashamed that I'd never given her a chance.

There are so many missed opportunities in this life - to be a friend, to help a person in need. And how often do we overlook those opportunities, because we're too concerned with ourselves. So many times, I will get a thought or a feeling that I should call a friend, write my grandmother, stop by a neighbor's house, etc - but more often than not, I'll ignore the thought. Or think that I'll do it later, when its more convenient.

I really do need to be a better friend. I know that I've been complaining about my neighborhood a lot lately. I've been trying to figure out what it is about where we live now that is different from any other neighborhood, and nothing seems different. I've started thinking that maybe the problem is me - I'm too busy, I've put on weight and don't feel comfortable with myself, everyone already has their friends. Excuses, excuses. So I decided this week that I was going to try and be a better friend. I sat by some women at church that I knew, and we chatted. I even offered to help one of the girls out next week for her lesson. After church, one of them called to borrow an onion for her family's Sunday dinner. I was so happy to help.

I really do need to reach outside of myself.

Making friends

I was invited to a baby shower for my neighbor. The shower was mid-morning on Saturday at house just 4 doors down from mine. Gracelin was so excited to go to the shower - I think she thought a baby would be there. She even wanted to go to the store with me and pick out a gift.

So, the girls and I headed to the shower. I recognized most of the women there, as they were all from the neighborhood. But, I barely knew any of their names. I found a chair and sat down while the girls went to play with the other kids there. I tried striking a conversation up with the lady sitting next to me, but she was very unfriendly. So, I sat there and talked to no one. I was feeling very uncomfortable sitting by myself, so I got up and walked over to the refreshments. I tried to strike up a conversation with another lady standing by the punch bowl. I said to her, "I don't think I've met you before. What is your name?" She did tell me her name, but then walked away. I felt like I was being snubbed.

I didn't stay much longer. I waited for my neighbor to open her gift, and then I gathered up my kids to leave. As I was headed out the door, another neighbor in our same cul-de-sac asked if G wanted to go over and play with her daughter. They have played together a few times before, and G loves her. At least there was one kind person there who left me with a renewed hope that not everyone in my neighborhood is a total bee-otch.

We've lived in our house for about a year and a half. Most of my neighbors also go to my same church, so there have been ample opportunities for me to get to know them. But I really feel like some sort of outcast. I'm not sure if I really am being snubbed for some reason, or if I'm just reading into things that aren't there.

I know that I haven't been the friendliest person. I'm the only mom who works outside of the home, and I know that makes it difficult. They have play dates during the week, and obviously I cannot go to those. And by the time we get home from work/daycare the girls are starving, as its after 6 pm. So, we eat, bath and put the kids into bed (they get up at 6am, so we have an early bedtime). There really isn't time for us to go out and play during the week. And while I'm not shy, I'm really not outgoing either. It usually takes me a while to really open up to people. Perhaps my quiet demeanor is taken for snobbery?

The baby shower isn't the only instance where I've felt snubbed - there are so many instances. For example, 3 other women on my cul-de-sac are runners - I've seen them out running and they've seen me. I have even asked them if they wanted another running partner, and they won't take me up on it.

I've never had a difficult time making friends an any other aspect of my life. Even back to high school. Growing up I was never one of the most "popular" kids, but I always had a good group of friends and was very social. In college, I had many good friends and dated frequently. As a married woman, I still have lots of friends that I've met in my old neighborhoods, church, work, and even the internet.

I just don't know what it is about my particular neighborhood right now. It is bad enough that I have considered moving. We're not moving, but I'd love to find a way to make some friends in my neighborhood.