Day #2 of no sugar, and other ramblings

Ok - I actually made it 24 hours with no sugar and I'm still going strong. I know that may not sound like anything special, but for me its a very significant achievement. I have a serious sugar addicition. I actually feel really good this morning. I ate well yesterday, but didn't exercise. I even had time around 8pm after the girls were in bed, but by then I was exhausted. I was in bed by 9:30, which was much needed.

I'm a bit worried about Gracelin. Yesterday was her first day off of the antibiotics after her UTI, and when she peed last night she said it was "spicy" again. Then this morning, it was a fight to get her to pee. I don't know how she holds it in - she wakes up dry and then won't pee in the morning. Excellent bladder control for a 2 year old. Anyway, I realized last night that I had never gotten the results from her urine culture. The day we originally went to the doctor (and she had such a difficult time leaving the sample) they did a quick "urine dip", which was positive and then a full culture that was supposed to take a few days. I totally spaced calling to get the results until last night. Although it was after 8pm, I called and someone was there. She looked up the results and said that there was staph in the culture. She then put me on hold to consult with the doctor as to what to do. When she got back on the phone, she told me that it was technically a negative culture because staph is naturally present in our bodies, and they couldn't prove it was an infection. She told me that maybe I need to change G's bath soap. WTF? That day I took her into the doctor with a fever of 104 and classic UTI symptoms. After 24 hours on the antibiotic she started feeling better. It kind of pissed me off a bit for her to tell me that it was caused by her soap.

I think I'm going to try and take her into her regular doctor in a couple of days. I do want to wait a bit and see if she can feel better on her own. I don't want to subject her to needless tests if I don't have to. But, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit worried. She's always had problems with infections. Even from birth. One of the reasons she had to say in the NICU (other than being preterm of course) was that she had a mystery infection, and had to be on IV antibiotics. Then, she's had countless ear infections that only clear up with her tubes in, and her "grossly" infected adnoids. It just seems like she's been on antibiotics more than she's been off of them. It can't be good for her.

My MIL wants me to take her to the herbologist and get her on probiotics. I wish I could get her to eat yogurt, because that might just do the trick. I'm hesisitant to give her anything from that crazy herb guy. I went with my DH once, and he gave me the creeps. He's seriously PSYCHO. And I don't feel comfortable giving my kids stuff from him. I feel better taking her to the chiropractor first - that actually isn't such a bad idea.
Hmmmm . . . I'm just rambling now. Is it obvious how bored I am at work? I think I'm going to take an early lunch soon, to return something to Old Navy, check the sales there, and go look for a pair of new shoes. I love shoes. :)

Blah

There is no other word to describe how I'm feeling today, other than BLAH. I'm not sure why - Christmas is over, and we survived. I should be very happy about that. Both of my kids are healthy right now, which is something that hasn't happened in months. And Ben and I are even getting along (mainly due to the fact that I allowed him to convince me that what he read in Yahoo is true - that couples who have sex at least 3 times a week are more healthy). But for some reason I'm just, well, for lack of a better word . . . BLAH.

For one thing, I'm working this week. I suppose someone has to be in the office, and since I still have no vacation (a result of being used up for maternity leave and sick kids) I had no choice other than to be in the office. But is so damned slow that I'm dying. Have you ever heard the term "bored to tears". Well - its a fact. One can truly be bored to tears. I'm just about at that point now.

But, I think my feelings are more than that. I'm very unhappy with my appearance lately. I think it would be safe to say that I hate how I look. I'm the epitome of the frumpy, ugly mom. I've never been a super "glam" type girl anway. I'm more earthy. I haven't had my hair cut or colored since Gracelin was 11 months old, which is almost 2 years ago. So, I've got long scraggly hair with really bad roots. On top of that, I ran out of my makeup sometime in the summer and haven't bothered to buy more. So, my skin looks sallow and quite old - partially from the winter weather, but moreso from my extreme sleep deprivation. My eyes are constantly baggy and heavy. I'm quite the sight.

Then, there is the issue of my weight. For anyone who is a regular reader of my blog (I think there may be a couple of you out there) you'll know this is a constant source of stress in my life. I used to be quite thin, but now I really struggle with my weight. This December has been really bad for me. I gained 7 pounds this month because I just cannot stop myself from gorging on all of the holiday goodies.

Finally last night I decided that I am giving up the junk once and for all. I don't even enjoy eating it most of the time, yet I cannot stop myself. So, today so far I've eaten:

a bowl of 6 grain cereal (whole oats, wheat, barley, sunflower seeds) with skim milk
an apple
taco salad (with whole wheat flour tortilla)
an orange
diet dr pepper

I just talked to Ben on the phone, and he picked up a pizza for dinner. I'll probably be alright if I just eat a piece or 2. I'll make some steamed veggies to eat with it, and maybe top the night off with a warm cup of sugar free cocoa. I am still breastfeeding afterall.

I know that I need to do something to change myself. I've never really been "pretty", but my "style" worked for me since I was thin and athletic. Now that I'm carrying around 30 extra pounds, I just look like a lazy and frumpy mom.

Christmas 2006

Christmas started early for us this year. Because my parents went to Cincinnati to be with my brother and his family, we had "Christmas Morning" with them on Dec 23. We went over to their house in the morning to open presents and have our traditional Christmas brunch. It was a really good day there. Of course, my mom and sister went way overboard and totally spoiled my kids, but they loved it. Gracelin got a Barbie house, Barbie car, and lots of Barbies to go with it all. She was in heaven. Bryn mostly enjoyed eating the presents and wrapping paper, but she had a really good day as well. After brunch though, my dad started a fire in the wood-burning stove, and I must have been allergic to something he burned. Everyone left to go sledding, except for Bryn and I, and I had the worst asthma attack I've had in years while I was home alone. I actually started getting scared because my inhaler wasn't working. In fact, we ended up leaving early so I didn't die.

We weren't able to go home though. The 23rd is my MIL's birthday, so we headed over to her house for her party. I cooked my contribution - broccoli-cheese soup - while I struggled for breath. I'd let myself get so bad with my asthma, that I couldn't even get a breath. We finally just left her house early to go home, where I took 2 breathing treatments, my steriod inhaler, 2 Benedryl, and 4 Motrin (for the inflamation). Luckily that calmed things down enough that I didn't die, but it was scary.

Sunday (Christmas Eve) was a fairly quiet day. We dressed the girls in their pretty Christmas dresses and went to church. Afterwards, I made some corn chowder and we had my sister and her hubby over for dinner. It was a nice quiet nite. The girls got new PJs to wear to bed. We read the Christmas Story and put them to bed. Poor Gracelin was so excited for Santa that she had a difficult time falling asleep. My sister and brother-in-law stayed to watch a movie. Then, we put out presents and went to bed.

On Christmas Day, Gracelin woke up at 4:45 and couldn't go back to sleep. She told me that it was time to wake up because Santa came. Since it was still very dark outside, I tried telling her that she needed to go back to sleep because Santa hadn't already come. But she was too smart for that. Ben let me go back to sleep for about an hour while he and Gracelin watched a movie. Finally, we woke Bryn up so we could open presents. It was a fun to have a nice, quiet morning with just our little family. Bryn again was just content to eat her presents. Gracelin got more Barbies. We got Daddy a golf travel bag and a new watch. Mommy got Shopping Barbie, complete with over $300 in gift certificates to her favorite places. I was so excited to get online yesterday to American Eagle and find a Christmas Day only sale - complete with 15% off my entire order (after the almost 50% off most items) and free shipping. After presents, we had buckwheat pancakes with fresh blueberries, and then let the girls play for awhile. Then, everyone expect mommy got a long nap. I spent my time in the kitchen preparing my famous corn pudding for our Christmas Dinner feast.

After naps, we left for Ben's parents' house for Christmas Dinner and more presents. Grace and Bryn got a tent, which they are very excited to set up today, and Ben's Dad got us 10 shares of Disney stock! I'm very excited for that. We don't own any stock (other than the mutual funds I invest in through work) and I'm really excited to learn how to buy and sell stocks. Dinner was fantastic, and once again I ate way too much (another common theme).

Finally, we headed home for some much-neeeded sleep. Both girls slept all night, which means I'm actually somewhat rested. Which is a really good thing considering the fact that I'm back at work today. :( I guess someone has to be here. Its a shame too, because its so slow here. I wish I was back in bed.

By popular demand

Pics of Bryn - 9 months old:

10 months old

Bryn is 10 months old today. I can't believe she's almost a year old already. Time has definitely gone faster with her than it did with G. Here's a quick update of what she's doing:

She has strawberry blonde hair, blue green eyes, and an infectious smile. Bryn is almost walking - in fact, I'm quite surprised that she doesn't walk yet. Her new favorite toy is a walking toy - she uses is to move around the house wherever she wants to go. Its given her a newfound freedom that she loves. Bryn is so very coordinated and physical - we can already tell she’s athletic. She has mastered crawling and is into everything.

She is also babbling up a storm, and can even say a few words already - namely Dad (which is very clear) and DeeDee (for her sister Gracie). She has yet to say Mom, but we know that is only because she is saving the best for last. She also tries to repeat everything we say, and quite often she says something that sounds very close to being a real word. My favorite thing she says is "Hi Dad", which she does while waving. Its so cute, and she says it so clearly.

She has big, bright eyes, and is very aware of everything going on. My dad is amazed by how aware she seems. I'm pretty sure she understands everything that is going on around her.

Bryn is becoming quite finiky when it comes to food. I try and give her finger foods (because she's graduated pureed foods), but she prefers what is on my plate. She'll eye me while saying "MmmmmMmmmmMmmm" until I give her some. Then, she acts like a baby bird - grunting at me with her mouth open until I feed her what she wants. Just like her sister, she loves foods with taste - especially spicy Mexican foods. I worried at first that it would bother her stomach, but she seems just fine with it all. She still nurses quite a bit, and drinks bottles of EBM at work. Mommy is still pumping during the days, and she doens't need formula still.

She has been sleeping a little bit better, but she still has lots of night wakings. I think a big part of that may be that she seems to always be sick. Right now she's got a runny nose and barky cough, and I think she just wakes a lot from being sick. Hopefully she'll grow out of it soon, because mommy is dragging all of the time.

Bryn is such a blessing to our family. She loves to cuddle and hug, play with toys, read stories, take a bath, and EAT. If we could only get her to sleep through the night life would be good. But, she has a laid-back personality and is such a joy.

Someone needs to quarantine my house

Here's the long saga of my weekend a few days late:

Thursday night was my work Christmas party and the daycare Christmas party. We opted for the DC one, since we felt it was more important to support our kids. It was really cute. The kids dressed in reindeer hats, and had a bunch of song and dance numbers. I was worried that G would be too shy to perform - she did actually go up there, but stood there stone-faced the entire time. She wouldn't move a muscle. After the program, Santa came. Again G surprised me by actually sitting on his lap. Afterwards I asked her what she said to him. Her response, "nothing mommy. I was too scared to talk."

Saturday night Ben and I had planned to go to a party, and the kids had planned a sleepover with Grandma. Well, Ben and I were just finishing up dinner when my mom called to say G was really sick. By the time we got there she was burning up and had thrown up. We took her home and missed the party. She was up most of the night. I dosed her with the Motrin/Tylenol alternating every couple of hours though the night, and her fever never went below 102. By morning she was up to 104. She kept saying that her tummy hurt, but she didn't feel like she was going to throw up. I asked her to show me where it hurt, and she pointed down low. Then she started telling me that her back hurt. I started suspecting UTI.

So, we were off to InstaCare Sunday morning. Dr there also suspected UTI, but wouldn't give her meds until we could confirm. But, G refused to pee in the "hat". She had a major meltdown in the office, until finally I agreed to let her try at home. But then she woulnd't go at home either. I figured she'd finally have to go so bad that she'd relent and go. But, she held it for 3 more hours. Finally, I decided to just make her do it. I bribed her - I told her that if she'd go I'd take her to the store and she could pick out anything she wanted. But she still wouldn’t' go. So, I ran a bath, and stuck her in (she always has to pee as soon as her feet hit the water). It worked, and we finally got our sample, but she cried the whole time and said that her tummy hurt and her pee was spicy.

We took the sample in, and they confirmed bacteria. The doctor said they're doing a full culture, and depending on that he will probably want her to see a specialist. Apparently, its rare for a child that young to get a UTI, and they want to rule out any underlying causes. My poor kids. Are they the sickest children ever?

Anyway - then I had to keep my promise, so we stopped by Target for her to pick something out. She chose a Barbie (surprise, surprise). After only 2 doses of the antibiotic, her fever was gone and her appetite back. She ate 2 grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch!

During all of this, Bryn's really sick again and needing breathing treatments. Then, Ben let her fall on her head off of the couch. It literally made me sick. She fell of backwards and landed right on top. Her neck snapped back, and she actually bounced back onto her face. For a few seconds she just laid there - I was sure she was dead. Then she screamed, and cried, and wailed. I was physically sick. It took me a few seconds to react, but then I was able to comfort her. Luckily she calmed after only a minute. Then my EMT training kicked in, and I assessed her for a head injury. Turns out she was just fine, but it was so scary.

Oh, and we got the most amazing snow storm during all of this. We got well over a foot, and its perfectly wet and heavy - not the typical Utah power. Its perfect snowman snow. And poor G didn't get to enjoy any of it.
Overall G’s doing better. Her fever is gone and her appetite has returned, but I cannot get her to empty her bladder. Anyone have suggestions on how to get G to pee? Its been the biggest fight the past few days because it hurts her to go. So, she'll hold it forever, but then only go enough to make her comfortable again. I will say that she's got amazing bladder control for a 2 year old. But, if she won't empty her bladder she'll never get the infection out.

Poor Bryn woke up with puss draining from her ears this mornng. I don't know what is up with my kids being sick all of the time. Except that I was a very sickly child. I missed so much school. One year, I had mono the entire month of December, got better just in time for Christmas, and then got strep throat the first week back of school. In all, I think I missed 5 straight weeks of school. I am a fairly healthy adult now though, and *rarely* even catch colds {knock on wood}.

What my kids are up to

We had a fun weekend. I just love my girls. I haven't updated much about them lately. Here's what they're doing:

Bryn loves people lately, and will go to anyone. She even hugs my dad, and he's pretty big and scary to most kids. Speaking of, poor Bryn is sick again. SHe was up most of the night coughing, and when she finally fell asleep G woke up (I don't even drink cofee, but this is appropriate ) . I've even been giving her breathing treatments. She's the funniest kid - most kids cry throughout the treatments, but she loves it. In fact, she cried this morning when I turned the machine off. LOL She is always sick though. I don't know what I'm going to do.

I've actually been considering getting a nanny. They're pretty cheap here. I could get a young mother, that maybe has a child of her own, to come 4 days a week for around $1200. My SIL has a Mexican nanny that she only pays $1000 month for. She does light housework, laundry, and cooking too. And, she only speaks spanish to the kids. Her twins that are G's age are completely bilingual.

Bryn had a language explosion this weekend. She says "dad, dad, dad" whenever she sees Ben. She also loves the tree, and yesterday kept calling it a "tee" - with heavy ennunciation on the "t". Then, we went to my parents' house for dinner. I took her over to see the cat, and she called her "key". Whenever she wants food now, she says "MmmmmMmmmm" And, of couse she still calls G "DeeDee". If only I could get her to say mommy. Why is that one so difficult?

Bryn also loves to eat. A LOT! The mere sight of her highchair will elicit squeals of delight. She especially loves macaroni and cheese, although she has liked everthing I've fed her, except tomatoes. I thought I'd try, but no one in our family likes tomatoes, so I wasn't expecting much.

G is so smart, and I think she is starting to understand Christmas too. This morning we were singing "Here comes Santa Clause". She told me that she would have to pull the covers over her head so she won't see Santa when he comes. Then she told me that I'll have to help Bryn, because she can't pull the covers up herself. She said that Santa is bringing her all the Barbies and that Bryn is just getting some baby toys.

She really understands a lot lately. Last night in the car, we had the radio on. From the back, we realized she was singing along:

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh, oh, JUICY.

And then this morning, she asked:

G: Mommy, did that man just say "everything is going to be alright, rock-a-bye?"
Me: Yes Gracelin, he did
G: Why did he say that?
Me: He is telling a girl who is sad that it will all be ok
G: Why is she sad?
Me: I don't know. Maybe her friend hurt her feelings.
G: Was it her big boy friend? The one who is singing?

Last night we were at my parents house for dinner. After dinner, my mom told G that she had a suprise for her, and left to get it. While she was gone, G said to my sister:

G: Aunt Jen, do you know what the suprise is?
Jen: Yep!
G: Oh, can you tell me what is it?
Jen: Nope. If I tell you, then it wouldn't be a suprise anymore.
G: Oh. But you know?
Jen: Yep, I do know.
G: Oh, well then can you tell me what it is?

The conversation went on like that for a long time, until finally Grandma appeared with 2 new Christmas books and a special blanket for reading stories underneath.. She was in heaven! G and Grandma read Christmas stories for a long time beneath the Christmas tree.

Graceln loves Barbies so much too - its almost an addiction. She can take the clothes off, but needs help putting them back on. Her babies have elaborate escapades. The other day they went to Chilis and then went to the pumpkin patch. They also like to table dance to "I'm a Barbie Girl" by Aqua. Thats G's new favorite song. We're probably horrible parents for letting her play with barbies in the first place, and then for letting her listen to that terrible song.

The passing of the torch

One of the things I was most excited about when I found out G was a girl, was passing down all the things about growing up that I loved to my own little girl. Of all my toys growing up, my absolute favorite thing to play with were my Barbies. And I was oh-so anal about them as well. I kept them in their original boxes with all their original clothes and accessories. Their hair was taken care of, and they were loved. (and dare I admit this publicly . . .) I also still have a Barbie collection. I have about 2 dozen Barbies in my basement in boxes that have never even been opened. Most of them are Christie dolls, Barbie's African-American friend. I am so whitey-white, but my name is Christie. So, when I found a Christie, I would buy her. But of course, there are also regular Barbies down there, as well as some of her other friends.

When Gracelin came home from daycare a couple of weeks ago talking about the Barbies she played with there, I was excited to share mine with her. I'll admit that its difficult to watch her not brush their hair, and to constantly lose their accessories, but I'm letting her play her way. I even opened a brand-new one (Ok - she's really and old Barbie) to play with.

She's estatic. Gracelin has a very active imagination. Last night her Barbies went to Chili's for dinner. They had chips and salsa with Diet Coke to drink. One of them ordered a salad and the other had chicken nuggets. She loves to change their clothes and comb their hair. For a two-year old, she really takes care of them well. Last night she had to tuck them into bed (they've replaced Soft Dora in the doll-bed) before she herself could sleep.

Rotavirus (aka Roto-Rooter virus)

Last Monday went just about like any other Monday. I picked the girls up at daycare and they seemed just fine; however, on the way home, Gracelin puked everywhere. Now, since she pukes in the car quite frequently, I wasn't overly concerned. Especially since we got home and she eagerly ate her black beans and quesadilla from Cafe Rio. But, when she woke in the night and puked all over her bed, I knew she had a tummy virus. In the morning she seemed fine, other than the fact that she wasn't hungry (very abnormal for her) and she had diarrhea once. So, Bryn and I stayed home with her on Tuesday.

On Wednesday, she still had a fever, so daddy stayed with her. I went to work and took Bryn to daycare. Unfortunately, she didn't last there very long. They called to tell me she was throwing up. When I picked her up, she was happy and seemed ok, so I took her back to work to finish some reports. Bad idea - she puked all over me and my office. Yucky. So, home we went. Poor girl went from bad to worse. At one point, my sweet baby was puking and pooping at exactly the same time. She felt miserable, and spent most of Wednesday exploding from both ends. Daddy had basketball tickets, so I had my parents come over to help out. (bad idea for them - 48 hours after coming to our house, they both got sick)

I woke up in the middle of Wednesday night throwing up, and with a fever of 101. UGH. Not a good thing when I had a sick baby, and a very not-sick, bored from being home all week, 2 year old to take care of. I spent most of Thursday lying on the couch and/or running to the bathroom. Thanksfully, Bryn was feeling pretty much herself, other than some really rank diapers. She was very sleepy though, and took 3 long naps.

I felt so horrible - I don't think I'd felt that sick in years. And I lost 7 pounds in 24 hours. I was so achey that it hurt to be touched. And I was so cold. I just couldn't seem to get warm. It was only about 14 degrees outside, and I didn't realize that our heater wasn't working. I just thought I was cold from being sick. When Ben got home from work, he noticed that although the thermostat was set to 70, it was barely 60 in our house. He decided to take the kids to his parents house to get warm (bad idea for them, as they also got sick 48 hours after coming into contact with us) while I waited for the repairman.

Friday came, and we were all feeling somewhat better. There was only one yucky diaper to change, and no puke. Yay. Although it was a yucky virus, at least it was over quickly. I still don't have my appetite back yet (maybe because the memory of being so sick is still so fresh in my mind), but I'm not complianing. I am down a pants size. Maybe having the Rotavirus was just the kick-start my metabolism needed.

I suck

I feel like I may be losing my mind. I have absolutely no short-term memory. I can remember my best friend’s phone number from kindergarten, but I can’t remember where I felt my keys. Its really frustrating too, because I used to be so on-top of things. Lately I feel like I can’t even keep track of the basics. I constantly forget where I put my keys and glasses. It frustrates Ben beyond belief because it seems every time we’re trying get out the door to go somewhere I’m frantically looking for my glasses, keys, or both. But, it really is way more than just that. Here are some of the other things I’ve forgotten recently:
*I take the time to pack a lunch for work, then forget it.
*I get the baby’s bottles all ready and then forget to take them.
*I actually remember to take my pump bag to work, but all the components are at home.
*I promise to call a friend back on the phone, and then never do
*I put in a load of laundry to wash, and never move it to the dryer. I realize a couple of days later when I can smell it rotting in the laundry room.

It gets worse though – at least those things are really just an annoyance. I pay all of my bills online. I’ve got everything set up for automatic payment. Because its so easy, I’ve gotten lazy and rarely even check to make sure they pay. Its really helpful for people like me who have no short-term memory. Well, its helpful as long as it works.

On Tuesday, Ben got home from work at about 5:05 pm. He went into the kitchen to make dinner, but discovered that we had no water!! He called me frantically to ask if I’d paid the water bill. At first I was very offended. Of course I paid the bill. I pride myself in the fact that my credit score is well over 700 (better than our finance guy’s actually). In fact I’ve never been late on a payment or bill – EVER (well, I never had anyway). I told him to call the City to see what the problem was, but of course it was just after 5pm and they were closed. So, I decided to do some checking. I went into our account on-line, and sure enough I hadn’t paid the water bill. Not last month, the month before, or the month before that either. Strangely, my auto bill pay had just stopped paying the water bill. I was mortified. I’m a responsible person. We work hard to stay out of debt and to pay bills on time. How did MY water get shut off? Of course I have the money to pay it too – that was the worst part.

Honestly, I can’t believe the City wouldn’t call first before coming to shut off the water. Not only would it have saved us a $75 re-hookup fee, it would have saved me the embarrassment of having to call my mom to ask if we could spend the night because our water got shut off. UGH. Talk about the most embarrassing call I’ve ever had to make.

So, we packed things up and headed over to my mom’s house. I was so grateful to have her there to help. I kept thinking about how desperate a person must be who is in a similar situation, but has no family to help. At least I know that if something bad ever really happens, I’ve got my parents there to help out. It was actually fun to spend the night there. My mom and I stayed up way too late chatting. And I woke up in the morning, called the city, and payed the bill over the phone. Our water was back on before Bryn’s morning nap.

I am starting to think though that maybe something is wrong with me, other than being sleep deprived and overly stressed. I’ve been having terrible, almost debilitating migraines. My vision is blurry, and I get migraine auras a lot. Bright lights are too much for me. I keep the blinds closed all the time, and wear sunglasses on cloudy days. I have to – too much bright light makes my migraines worse. Memory loss + headaches must be the symptoms of something bad right? Something more than stress and sleep deprivation?

9 months old

Brynlee is 9 months old today. Just yesterday I was noticing that her face had changed – she looks more like a toddler to me, and less like a baby. She really is growing up and changing. In some ways it is sad to me – I miss my cuddly little baby. But, I’m excited too for the toddler stage (I think - someday I may regret saying that). Here she is at 9 months old:

Bryn is such a strong and physical little girl. She crawls like a champ and pulls up without any effort. The other day, I caught her trying to stand up alone in the middle of the floor, and she almost did it. She cruises along the furniture and even lets go to try and take a step or two. She also loves it if I hold her fingers and let her walk. I still think she’ll be walking by Christmas.

All this physical activity has thinned her down quite a bit. Her latest nickname is Squish or Squishy, so you can tell she’s still nice and cuddly. But, she’s quickly losing the baby fat and replacing it with toddler lean. I’m not sure how much she weighs (her 9 month well baby check isn’t until next week due to Thanksgiving). Her hair is growing in thick and redder every day, and I still can’t tell what color her eyes are going to be – they range from blue to green to grey on any given day. Regardless, her peaches-and-cream complexion, big eyes, and long eyelashes make for a beautiful girl.

Last week was quite an eventful week for Bryn. On Tuesday she got tubes in her ears because of frequent infections. Although she should have been feeling better, she was still really grumpy and sleeping poorly. We figured it out a couple of days later when 4 teeth came in all at once. Poor girl really wasn’t “that” grumpy all things considering. Generally she is a sweet and happy baby. She’ll hold her arms out to anyone that will cuddle her (although mommy is her first choice). She loves to smile and squeal. But, she does have a temper. Luckily, she usually doesn’t get too mad, unless she’s tired or not feeling well. But, she’ll hold her breath until even her tongue is blue, and then wail and scream like she’s dying. A quick hug from mommy does the trick though, and calms her every time.

She’s been sleeping terribly lately. We let her get into some bad habits being sick lately, and she averages 2 night wakings a night. Sometimes its more, sometimes less, but its been weeks since she’s actually slept through the entire night. Usually she just needs to nurse for a few minutes then she’ll go right back to sleep, but its making for a very tired mommy.

She’s become good at communication. I’m pretty sure she understands almost everything we say. For example, in the bath if we tell her to splash, she’ll kick her feet and flail her arms. She also understands “no, no, no”, and although won’t always stop what she’s doing, she’ll give me an evil baby grin to show she knows that she’s been caught. And if I ask her to play “Pat-a-cake” she claps her hands and squeals. She does call her big sister “Deedee” and calls for “Dada” as well. Occasionally when she’s really grumpy, she’ll kind of moan “Mamamama”. I also think that she tries to sing, as she’ll sit and melodically “talk”. My favorite thing that she does is that she’ll sit in my lap and “talk” to me. She will make a sound, and I’ll repeat it, then she’ll repeat it again – and on and on and on the game will go. It makes her so happy when I repeat her. She and I will sit and have conversations like this for hours.

Food wise she’s become quite finicky. Mainly, I think she’s just tired of pureed food, but isn’t quite ready for solids. I tried to give her some peas last night, but they kept gagging her. She loves really soft finger foods. Lately if I put her old favorite (oatmeal with bananas) in her mouth, she’ll promptly blow raspberries until all the food is spattered onto mommy. She thinks its really funny.

Her favorite toys right now are G’s babydolls and the TV remote. The other night her daddy was watching her, and she pitched such a fit when he tried to take away the remote that he put her into bed with it. She curled right up with it and fell asleep. We’ve tried to give her an old remote that no longer works, but she wants the silver Dish remote. She also LOVES any book, and will sit on my lap for the longest time if I read to her. I’m glad that she loves to read.

Bryn is such a joy and a blessing. She is a bright little girl that makes everyone smile.

I guess I can add dumpster diving to my list of accomplishments

Did I post the other day about losing my keys at church? Well, I did. They seeminly vanished into thin air. Lying in bed that night, I retraced my steps, and remembered that I'd thrown away a 1/2 eaten granola bar and an empty bag of fruit snacks. I convinced myself that they keys had somehow ended up in the trash with the garbage I threw away.

So, driving home from work Monday night I went past the church building. There were people there, so I dropped the girls off with Ben and headed over to check the garbage cans. I went inside, and was met by the man who was cleaning. He had already taken out the trash, but had keys to all of the rooms in the building. He helped me look in all the rooms, but the keys were nowhere to be found. They must be in the trash.

I drove my car to the edge of the parking lot where the dumpster is. I kept my lights on so they would shine inside. Luckily there were only 6 bags of garbage inside. Without even thinking, I climbed inside to begin my search. Amazingly, the third bag I opened contained the 1/2 eaten granola bar and other garbage. I went through the bag piece of garbage by piece of garbage. It was much more disgusting that I'd imagined. There were poopy diapers in there, and smashed up cupcake that got under my fingernails. It was cold and lightly snowing, and I was wearing only my work clothes with no coat. And after all that work, my keys were nowhere to be found.

Disheartened, I then realized that I was stuck inside of the dumpster. The lowest side hit me mid-chest, and the sides were completely smooth. I kind of panicked a bit, sure I was going to freeze to death inside the trash. Ben knew where I'd gone, and would eventually miss me. Right? But of course I do have the car with the carseats, so how would he come to look for me? I think at that point, there sheer will to live got me out - as I clawed my way over the side. Without my keys.

We survived!

First off, I just want to thank everyone for your concern for my girls. I really appreciate all the kind words!

My biggest worry about the surgery was the fact that the girls couldn't eat after midnight. I wasn't too worried about Gracelin, but poor Bryn has been waking a lot in the nights lately - and I always have to nurse her back to sleep. And, wouldn't you know it - she woke up at 12:07. I decided that it was close enough to midnight, so I went in and nursed her a bit so she'd go back to sleep. She woke 2 more times after that (it was an especially bad night) and both times I just let her cry it out. We had to leave for the hospital at 6:45, and when I went in to wake her, I found that she had fallen asleep sitting up and holding her Hello Kitty doll.

So, we got the girls up and left for the hospital in our PJs (even mommy), and got there right on time at 7:30. My mom took the day off of work and met us there thinking we'd need the help. It took them about 30 minutes to call us back, and both girls were distracted enough that they didn't notice how hungry they should have been. When we finally got back to the room, they got the girls in their gowns and took vitals. They were both so sweet. Bryn was laughing at everyone, and she even held her arms out to the nurse to be held. G was just as sweet as ever.

They took Bryn back first. She was so happy and smiley - they said she giggled right up until the time when they put her to sleep. I went to wait in recovery for her while Ben and my mom waited with G. Her surgery only took a few minutes, and when they brought her back to me she was barely crying. She just wanted to nurse, so we sat and quietly cuddled for a few minutes. But, then the nurse came in to put drops in her ear. That really made her mad. She cried and cried and cried. For over an hour, until finally she just cried herself to sleep. Even as she slept, she kept whimpering and crying intermittantly. (As she laid there, I notied that she had 4 teeth coming in.) The doctor came in and told me that the tubes went great, but that afterwards she was still failing the hearing test. Poor girl.

Gracelin went second. Of course I wasn't there when she got taken back, but Ben said they put her into the bed and wheeled her away. She cried out for daddy as they took her away, and it was very sad. Her surgery was a bit more intensive, since she had her adenoids out. She had to be intubated and have an IV, and she was gone almost an hour. When they finally wheeled her out afterwards, she was barely crying. I was holding a finally sleeping Bryn, so she went with daddy. She was doing amazingly well, and just wanted the promised popsicle. She ate it quickly, and then told us that she was all better and ready to go home. Her arm was still in the IV though. It was all wrapped up in pink curlex, which had to be unwrapped and then the IV taken out of her hand. She watched intently the entire time, but never flinched. She did ask to take the curlex home to wrap her dollies in though. And she was very proud of the bandaid she got over the hole.

The doctor came back and told me that G's adenoids were very pussy and infected. She probably felt sick constantly from them. She also had a difficult time with the tubes. One of the ear drums was all scabby (it has ruptured twice in the past couple of months). The other ear drum had ripped, and had to be patched. She told me to expect a couple of miserable days with G.

Apparently G missed that memo. She has done amazingly well. By the time we got home, she was ravenous and ate an entire pancake with lots of hashbrowns. Then she took a 4 hour nap. When she woke up she was ravenous again, and ate a quesadilla dipped in spicy tomatillo and cilantro sauce. And a couple of hours later she asked to have Cincinnati Chili for dinner. Oh, and did I mention she didn't have any pain medication all day! Brynlee was a little bit cranky. She also took a couple of long naps, but seemed fine by bedtime.

Tomorrow is the big day

Yep - that's right. Tomorrow both of my babies will have surgery. Gracelin's been scheduled to have her tubes put back in and her adnoids removed. Actually, only one of the tubes has fallen out - the one in her right ear is still intact. But, the ENT thinks that she'll just put a second tube in that ear, because its likely it won't last too long. She's also removing G's adnoids, because she thinks they may be enlarged and blocking her ear canals. It is a bit of a worry since she'll have to be intubated and have an IV. So, there is a bit of a risk for surgery and recovery will be longer than just for tubes. But, if it means she's feeling better it will be worth it. I'm so tired of sick kids.

Poor Bryn's been sick forever (or so it seems). On Friday, the ENT decided that they could "squeeze her in" to an appointment next to G's and get tubes in her ears as well. She hasn't had as many infections as her older sister has, but we're thinking that with the history of our family's ears its better to just put them in. Bryn's surgery should be much simpler. She'll just be sedated wth gas, and the entire prodecure is only 10 minutes.

I'll be so glad to have my girls sick less often. G at least handles the antibiotic fairly well, but poor Bryn does not. Last week was hell. She was crabby from the ear infection. But, the antibiotic gives her diahrrea, which caused a terrible yeast infection/diaper rash. Oh, and did I mention she was teething on top of that? Um, yah. Tubes should be a piece-o-cake.

We've been trying to prepare Gracelin. I don't think she really understands. Her biggest concern is whether or not she gets a bandaid, sticker, or lollypop after the procedure. I told her she can have one of each.

From the mouths of babes

Ok - I swear Bryn is starting to talk. Yesterday when I picked her up from daycare, I told her to say "bye" like I always do. Usually she doesn't do anything. But yesterday, she held her hand out, with palm facing in, and waved (only because of the way her hand was positioned she was waving at herself). Then she said "eyeeeeeee". The grandma lady in the baby room was so excited that she did it. Since then, she's "waved" at everyone. I can't tell if she's saying hi or bye, since it comes out as "eyeeeeeee" all the time. Also, for the past week or so, she calls Grace "deedee". What a sweet girl.

Grace is hilarious too. Here is a snippit of our conversation from this morning:

G: Mommy, remember when you were mean to daddy and hurt his feelings?
Me: No Gracie, I don't remember that
G: Yes mom. It was yesterday. You were mean to daddy and hurt his feelings. Then I hugged him and made his feelings feel better.

Its funny, because Ben and I didn't argue at all yesterday (if you can believe it), so I'm not sure what she is remembering. She is so nurturing though. Its completely natural to think that she feels a need to make her daddy's feelings all better.

Here is another conversation G and I had in the car yesterday:
G: Mommy, I like my kitty shoes, but my feet are getting too big for them. Maybe I need some Dora shoes.
Me: You've had those shoes since the beginning of the summer. I think its time to buy some new ones.
G: Its because I am big and little at the same time.

I think its very profound for a 2 year old to understand that she is big and little at the same time. I explained to her that she's right. She's bigger than her baby sister (just barely though) but she's smaller than a grown-up. She giggled sweetly.

Things never go according to plan

I was planning on coming on today to post adorable pictures of my little girls in their Halloween costumes, but things obviously didn’t go as planned. Gracelin wanted to be a princess, and we found her a Snow White dress at Target. We’d planned to put Gracelin’s old frog costume on. I left work early to pick up the girls, figuring that would give us plenty of time.

When I picked up the girls, they were both happy and G was excited to go out trick-or-treating. She had a bag of candy and I let her have one sucker out of it, not realizing she’d been eating of treats all day. We rarely let her eat treats (especially candy) so she was really excited. For the first ½ of the drive (our commute is around 30 minutes) she kept telling me, “I’m eating candy, I’m eating candy, I’m eating candy”. Then, she suddenly stopped and handed me her sucker. She told me that she didn’t want anymore. I turned to look at her. Her skin had turned a sick shade of green and she was drooling out of the corner of her mouth. I knew we were in big trouble. I rolled down the window to let in some fresh air, but to no avail. She puked, and then puked again, and again and again. UGH. Poor girl. I didn’t realize that a 2-year-old tummy could hold that much. And since we were almost home, she just had to sit in it.

Once we were safely home, I stripped her down in the garage and headed straight for the bathroom. Luckily Bryn was content to play on the floor next to us. Finally Ben and my mom showed up. My mom had come over to see the girls in their costumes, and I was so grateful she was there to keep the girls occupied. Ben and I headed out to the garage, and it took us over an hour to clean the car and G’s carseat. Luckily we have leather seats, so the actual car cleaning wasn’t too bad. But her carseat was bad. There were vomit chunks in all the nooks and crannies. We physically had to take the entire thing apart, piece-by-piece. My car still smells today. Good thing I’m not pregnant.

(Gracelin has a propensity to puke at the drop of a hat. I cannot count the number of times she’s gotten sick in the car. Ben and I have decided that since Bryn needs a new carseat anyway, we’re going to give her G’s and then buy G a new one that converts to a booster and is easier to clean. {{KNOCK ON WOOD}} Bryn doesn’t seem to have the weak tummy of her older sister)

By the time we got things cleaned up, my mom had fed the girls dinner. G was starving, and ate an entire quesadilla, lots of black beans, and a glass of milk. The real food tasted so good to her. Then, she was ready to trick-or-treat, but Bryn was ready for bed. We dressed up the girls and attempted a few pictures, but they really didn’t turn out. (Maybe I’ll dress them up on Friday and try a photoshoot. I had the idea of getting some cute pics of a princess kissing a frog.)

We did make it out to trick-or-treat. G had a blast. She totally got it, and knew if she was extra cute she’d get more candy. Bryn was just happy to be included, and laughed and cooed the entire time. Ben and Grandma only took the girls to a few houses of neighbors we knew, but they both scored. They came home very tired. I was expecting G to want more candy, but she had no desire. I bet it’s a long time before she’ll want any sweets. We got them in the bath (G with her 2nd bath in an hour) and put them in bed early. Both girls were asleep by 7:30, which is a good thing! Mommy and Daddy have been battling a nasty virus, and really needed an early night.

My pumpkins

On saturday we took the girls to a local pumpkin patch, in search of the perfect pumpkin. It was such a fun place - they issued you a wheelbarrow, set of clippers, and turned you lose out into the patch. Unfortunately, we were there a week too late to find the perfect pumpkin (notice how crappy they all look) but we did manage to have lots of fun and get some great pictures. The farmer had a corn maze in the back for the kids. He also had about a dozen antique tractors that he'd fixed up. The kids had a blast climbing all over them.

I know this post is totally late. Today is Halloween - I should be posting costume pics. Guess I'll have to save those for tomorrow!

Gracelin is 2 1/2

Gracelin is 2 1/2 years old today! Sometimes I cannot believe she is so old already – the time has gone by so quickly. I occasionally call her “baby girl”, to which she’ll respond, “No mommy, I’m your big girl”. Often though, I have to remind myself that she is only 2 ½ because she seems so wise and mature for her age.

Verbally, she is far ahead of her peers. Not only is she fully conversational, but she can clearly convey her thoughts, feelings, and even tell jokes. She usually conjugates her verbs correctly and even understands plurals and possessives. She knows her alphabet, can identify most of the letters, and even knows what letter many words start with. The other day we were discussion “K” words. We talked about kick, kiss, and Kentucky. She added cookie to the list, but when I tried to explain how it started with “C”, but made the same sound as “K” she got a bit confused. I think it is amazing though that she is starting to grasp phonics. She loves to sing, and knows so many songs. Today in the car on the way to daycare, she wanted to play Name That Tune. She’d sing and I’d have to guess. While she knows the words well, its rare that I can tell the tune (she’s still got a ways to go before she can clearly carry a tune) so she was getting a bit frustrated with me. But, she handled it well and was very sweet about it.

She is a sweet girl, and generally loving and kind - especially to her baby sister. I’m excited to watch the girls grow up together, because they already seem to have such a bond. Gracelin loves to hold Bryn and “fluff her” (which is rubbing her hand on the baby’s head. I’m not quite sure where that one came from, but it’s cute). Gracelin also speaks for her sister – she’ll tell me what Bryn likes and dislikes, and what she’s thinking. Sometimes I feel a bit sorry for Grace, because she wants so badly to love Bryn, but doesn’t quite know how. Her hugs and kisses will often make the baby cry, and it hurts G’s feelings.

Her favorite toys right now are dolls and stuff animals. She loves caring for them. So often at the end of the night, I’ll find her “friends” laying in their “beds” allover the house. (Their beds towels and rags from my kitchen drawer. I have lots of laundry as a result.) Her favorites are two cheap baby dolls from K-Mart that she got for Christmas last year – they have remained her favorites all year. One baby is all hard plastic, and her name is “Hard Dora”. The other baby has hard plastic arms and legs, but she has a soft body and laughs, cries, or says “mama’ when you squeeze her belly. Her name is appropriately “Soft Dora”. The Doras go everywhere with her, except during daycare when they patiently wait for her in the car. They also personify how she is feeling. When she’s hungry, the Doras are hungry. When she’s sad, the Doras want their mommy. They even go potty on her little potty (she’s graduated to the big potty, so the little one is for the Doras).

She also loves all books. She’d sit and read with me all day if we could. Quite often when I’m not able to sit and read with her, she’ll read stories to the Doras. I’ve been amazed to discover that she has many of her favorites completely memorized. I hope that her love of books continues, because it will be such an asset in her life.

Food wise, she’s got the strangest taste in foods for a child. She hates all fruit, except apples, and all vegetables. The one exception is salsa – she loves salsa. Even the hot stuff. She also loves anything with beans in it, especially Cincinnati Chili. Other favorites are anything with cheese (grilled cheese, macaroni and cheese, quesadillas, etc). Her favorite breakfast food is a 6-grain hot cereal I get from a local flourmill that has oats, wheat, barley, sunflower seeds and a couple other grains that I can’t think of right now. She definitely has strange tastes for a kid her age. The other night we went out to dinner, and let her choose her own meal. She chose black beans as her side dish over fries. The server looked at her like she was crazy. She also isn’t a big sweet tooth either. Quite often she chooses to eat more dinner over dessert (when given the option, but we rarely eat dessert).

She’s also very physical. She loves to run and jump and is actually getting quite coordinated. In fact, she really doesn’t walk anywhere at all – its all a run. I just love to hear the stomping of her bare feet running down the wood floor of our hallway. Over the summer, she’d spent lots of time in the pool and had gotten to the point where she dared jump off of the edge to her daddy and put her face under the water. I need to get her into swimming lessons and gymnastics. I also think she’s going to love dancing. She loves for me to go outside and run with her. At the doctor last week, she weighed 29 pounds, which is about 50th percentile. She's growing up fast!

Her poor ears continue to be an issue for her. The tubes fell out some time during the summer, and she’s practically had a constant ear infection ever since. Typically about 48 hours after her last dose of antibiotics the infection has returned. We’ve run the gamut of antibiotics this summer, and had an appointment with her ENT today. We scheduled her tubes to be put back in on November 14. She's also getting her adnoids out at the same time. I know it will be scary for her, but its what we need to do.

Well, I could ramble on all day about my sweet Gracie Jayne. I love her so much and I’m so honored to have the privilege of being her mommy.

Thougts on one more

The entire time I was pregnant with Brynlee I was sure she’d be my last baby – mainly because I hate being pregnant. Really, I’m not healthy pregnant either. Ben and I discussed it many times. He didn’t want me to be pregnant again either because my being pregnant “is really difficult for him too”. Beyond the physical aspect, there are other factors, like money (I have to work now to support our family, and daycare costs for 2 are a significant chunk of my money. Adding a third child into daycare would just about make it useless for me to work) and time (I’m stretched thin as it is now. I don’t know how I’d have time to spend with a 3rd). My marriage is struggling right now too, and the burden of another child would further cause further strain. Besides 2 parents + 2 kids = a well-balanced family. 2 kids don’t seem like many, but 3 are a really big family. And the list goes on and on.

But, something happened to me in the hospital right after I gave birth to Brynlee. I held her, expecting to find that she completed my family. Instead, I found myself feeling that there’s one more child out there destined to call me “mother”. Financially, realistically, and practically it doesn’t make sense to try and add more. I’m still so tired and sleep deprived that I find myself wondering if I’ll ever sleep again. Yet I still find myself wishing in my heart that I could have one more some day. Maybe a boy.

Although I currently have an IUD, I’ve thought the past few months that I will have one more baby some day. But then yesterday, I think I found my answer. I was reading online about an agency that arranges the adoption of orphans from the Ukraine. They set up families who are willing to host an orphan for 1-2 months, and then if the child “fits” with the family they arrange the adoption. I don’t necessarily want a child from the Ukraine, but I am interested in one from another Eastern European country.

Ben lived in Russia for almost 2 years. During that time, he did lots of service at the orphanages there. He has talked many times of the children, and how they loved for him to go and play with them – how their faces would light up from something as simple as a hug. As I mother, I can barely stand to hear of these poor children. (can you see where this is going?) I want to adopt from Russia. Ben speaks Russian fluently, and perhaps that would make it easier for us. I’ve actually thought about it quite a bit – especially in the days of our infertility. In fact, we’d set the marker of my 32nd birthday as the time we’d consider adoption if we hadn’t conceived by that time. I just passed my 32nd birthday 2 weeks ago.

Of course, there are still lots of issues in our lives to clear up. I’d want to be able to stay at home at that time, so it will likely be a few years before it is financially feasible for us. And it would be nice for both of my girls to be a bit older (ideally school-age), so they could understand and help with the transition. I’m sure it would be difficult for the child to be moved ½ across the world into a new culture and language. I would want enough time to devote to the child without taking away from the needs of my own young children. And obviously, it would be expensive as well. But all those things don’t matter so much. In my heart I know that is what I want to do.

My whole take on the hunting thing

I wanted to express my feelings on hunting, but decided to do it here, outside of the forum where my friends are so that those who don't want to read my thoughts don't have to: (hopefully my jumbled thoughts make sense)

I'm anti-hunting but I also eat meat.

But let me further explain. We rarely cook and eat meat at home - most of my meat-eating takes place away from home, because being a vegetarian is inconvenient. I know, because I've been one in the past. I follow the LDS word of wisdom that dictates meat should be eaten sparingly (actually it says only in times of famine and winter, but obviously that was written in another century). I do not eat meat every day. I also eat organic and/or free-range when I can. We buy everything we can from our local dairy (that also delivers) - milk/milk products, eggs, produce, etc. I completely think that the non-organic ways of food production are inhumane for the animals and unhealthy for us humans. (but that is a discussion for another day)

The reason I am anti-hunting has nothing to do with it being inhumane to the animals. It is because I feel in today's society, there is no reason (other than for the simple sport of taking a life) that we need to collect our food that way. While I believe the animal will suffer less being shot vs. starving to death, the starving to death thing doesn't bother me so much. Its that whole survival of the fittest thing - let the animals take care of them selves like the have for 1000s of years. I have always considered myself a conservationalist, but perhaps that isn't the correct term to describe me. I actually went to college for a degree in Planning and Resource Management, and was initially attracted to the field because of the managing resources stuff (of course I work now in planning, but that also is a discussion for another day). Because of my background and current job, I understand that man is altering traditional animal habitats. Perhaps my feelings on how this is being managed is a little hypocritical. On one hand, I completely support the reintroduction of animals into their historical habitat (like the wolves into Yellowstone); however I do not support the killing of them simply to manage herds. (I know, makes no sense)

My dad and brother are hunters - especially my brother who loves both bow hunting and rifle. They are also avid fishermen. They have brought home meat and fish quite often that I always politely refuse. More often than not though, the fish does not get eaten or it becomes fertilizer for my mom's roses. That disgusts me. I feel that they fish simply for the sport of killing the fish. To me, it is violent, cruel, and unnecessary. At least the animals slaughtered for food production are typically stunned first, and then have an artery severed so death is quick. My husband's uncle is a multi-millionare and is squandering his fortune by going to places like Africa, China, and the North Pole to hunt exotic animals simply to have a trophy. He's got a gawd awful room in his house that is remnisant of a scene from that old Patrick Swaze movie Road House. It makes me sick that he's paying $100,000s simply for that. The violent aspect of hunting bothers me so much that I never could even marry a man who hunts. I do not believe in guns and I will not have them in my home.

Hmmm . . . its after 11pm, and I'm tired, which is probably evident as I'm just rambling now.

Bryn's 8 months old tomorrow!

My sweet Brynlee will be 8 months old tomorrow. I cannot figure out where the time is going. She’s just growing up way too fast, and while I’m excited for the little person she is becoming, I’m sad that my baby girl is almost gone. Bryn is the most happy and sweet baby – she’s generally so content to just sit and play. She’s got a long attention span and loves toys (especially her sister’s toys). This morning I watched her crawl across the room to reach a ball, and when she got there, she threw her body down onto the ball and hugged it – like she was so happy she finally got there. Pretty much everything makes her happy – she’s got the biggest, most contagious smile. Even strangers come up to me when we’re out to tell me what a happy baby she is.

Physically, I think she’s very developed for her age – she’s so strong and coordinated. She’s crawling all over the place, but its not the traditional baby crawl. Generally, she’s crawling on her feet and hands (imagine the downward dog yoga pose). I’m sure its more difficult that crawling on her knees would be, but she seems to not like being on her knees at all. She can also pull herself to a stand. She loves to stand alongside the couch, and hasn’t yet learned to walk along it, but I’m sure its just a matter of time. All this physical activity has started to thin her out, but she’s still so tall and very squishy. (in fact, Squishy is one of her many nicknames) She’s wearing clothes that fit Gracelin when she was well over 1 year old. Just the other day, she learned to give kisses, and will give them when asked. I ask her to give mommy kisses, to which she’ll lick my face and leave me with a nice slobbery wet spot on my cheek – but its so cute I don’t even mind. Another one of her favorite things to do is play Pat-a-cake – it’s a game the sisters play together already.

Bryn also seems like a very quiet baby, but I think I may be comparing her to a vocal older sister. In all reality, she’s probably just average. She does like to sit and “sing”, which cracks me up. She also is saying lots of sounds. Right now “dadada” is her favorite, and I swear she only says it when she’s with her daddy. I also think that she’s calling her sister “didi” (a modified form of Gracie?) She also loves to blow raspberries, and will mimic me if I do it over and over again.

She also loves food, and practically devours anything I give her. I am probably more adventurous than I should be, but she really seems ready for things with texture. She loves soft breads and fruits. I even gave her tiny pieces of turkey on Sunday – it was met with kicking feet and squeals of delight. Needless to say, it was a big hit. She’s had her 2 bottom teeth for almost 3 months now, but I don’t see any signs of more coming in. I wish we’d get more, because she’s ready for more food.

Probably the only area where Bryn isn’t completely perfect is in the sleep department. She’s not the world’s best sleeper. On daycare days, we wake her at 6am. She usually has 3 naps of about 1 hour apiece. Then, she’s in bed by 7pm. But lately, she’s averaging 2 night-wakings (which makes for a very tired mommy). On non-daycare days, she generally sleeps until about 7:30 – 8 am, but then only takes 2 daytime naps. Either way, I think she gets about 14-15 hours of sleep a day. Now that I write that out, it seems like a lot. LOL Maybe I am again just spoiled by her older sister who was a champion sleeper. Its really just the weird night wakings that are getting to me. We’ve tried CIO, buy it does not work for her. She just escalates herself into hysteria, and then she’s impossible to soothe. I usually have to nurse her and rock her a bit to settle down. I do try and put her to bed drowsy yet awake, but sometimes she falls asleep too soon (or maybe I cuddle her too long). My favorite part of the day is a night when we cuddle in her rocking chair. She’ll sit in my arms, stare lovingly into my eyes, and softly coo to me. Its like she’s telling me she loves me, and some nights I don’t want it to end.

Now I'm depressed

I took a phone call at work today, because I was helping out while our secretary was at lunch. The woman on the other end asked to speak with the pregnant woman who works here. I explained to her that no one in our office was pregnant, and when she insisted I asked what it is she needed help with. I assumed she had been to a different department and spoken with someone else, and gotten confused with which department she needed – I was fully intending on transferring her to the pregnant woman she needed. But, when she told me what she needed, I realized that I had been the person she spoke with in person earlier. She though I was pregnant.

I was immediately offended. I told her that I was very embarrassed – that my baby is now almost 8 months old. She was very apologetic, but it was too late. I was in no mood to be helpful.

What a wakeup call. I’ve been in denial for a long time, but I guess there’s no denying it now. I’m fat and I need to drop this 30 pounds that I’m carrying around. No more lame excuses. I called my hubby to tell him, and hoping to hear a “you’re not fat” or “your don’t look pregnant” – something to make me feel a bit better about myself. Instead he told me “sorry” and them promptly told me that he had to go. Men!

Ok – so, here starts day 1 of NO MORE SUGAR. Period. The carb-loading has got to stop.

A little bit of this and that

Ok - so this morning I was pumping and I heard a really weird noise. I was expecting to discover that my pump was finally conking out, but the I realized the sound came from me overflowing the bottle. LOL It was sucking the milk out the opposite way. I switched bottles, and continued pumping. I got 14 ounces (not counting the stuff I lost from overflow). Both girls slept all night, and I actually got a good night of sleep. I guess it put my milk production into overdrive.

Ben and I both had the day off yesterday, and we took the kids to daycare. We had a nice lunch, went to a movie, and did some shopping. It was such a fun and relaxing day - until we picked up the kids. Then all hell broke lose. I won't bore y'all with the whole story, but let it suffice to say my husband is a lazy a$$. I'm sick of fighting with him. I realized yesterday that things are great when its all play, but whenever there's any work and/or stress to deal with is when we have our problems. And Ben has the entire week off - lets just see if he gets one thing done around the house. If I had a week off (without kids) I'd have a huge list of projects to get done. When I asked him what he was doing, he told me that he was going to catch up on his sleep. WTF?

Is it bad of me to have fantasies of a man that actually enjoys hard work? Maybe thats why I'm so attracted to all the contractors and public works guys. LOL

Anyway . . . I am LOVING Bryn right now. I wish I could stop time and keep her just the way she is. she's so happy and content. I just love her smiles. She's pretty much mobile - its a labored crawl, and she goes up onto her feet (kinda like she's doing downward dog). Lately too, she'll give me a kiss if I ask her - its really just a slimey lick on the face, but I love it. She's so into food right now too - especially bananas.

Gracelin had another ear infection over the weekend. We ended up at InstaCare for more antibiotics. This is her 3rd infection in 5 weeks. I'm pretty sure that its the same infection that she just cannot clear up. I'm calling today to get in for another surgical consult with her ENT - I'm going to BEG them to put her tubes back in.

Mommy, do you pee in your pants?

Yesterday Gracelin asked me "mommy, do you pee in your pants?" - to which I answered, "No Gracelin, mommy goes in the potty." She looked at me with all seriousness in her eyes and said "Oh. Sometime I pee in my pants." LOL I love her.

Never say never

Its funny how before I had kids, I would observe other’s behavior and make comments to myself about how my kids would never do that. We’ll, I suppose I’m going to have to eat my words.

Saturday night, DH went out with the boys, so I was on kid-duty alone. G and Bryn had missed their afternoon naps, and I wanted them to go to bed early. I also needed a few things at the grocery store, but I was worried that if I took them out in the car they would fall asleep, and mess up bedtime. So, I bathed them, put them into their PJs and took them to the store that way. Poor G’s hair was a mess. I’m working on growing her bangs out, so right now they’re an inch too long. They totally hang in her eyes, but are too short to pull out of the way without a barrette. Since she’d just had her bath, her hair was undone – which left it hanging in her eyes. So, there was my poor toddler, in jammies a size too small with scraggly hair hanging in her eyes, riding around in the shopping cart. I looked at my poor kids and immediately thought of how WT my family looked, and couldn’t help by laugh to myself at how I “swore” my kids would never look that way.

Its called survival. All mommies do it. LOL

My plan worked though. The girls both fell asleep on the way home from the store, and all I had to do was carry them to their rooms for the night. By 7:30 pm, I had the evening to myself. Pure heaven! I could surf the net and control the TV remote to my heart’s content. I vegged on the couch and ignored the 7 loads of laundry waiting for me. It seems there’s always some chore waiting for me (usually more than one) and I rarely get to just relax. Did I mention it was pure heaven? LOL

what we did today

My mom and I took the girls to the circus this afternoon. On the way there, we passed the mall. Gracelin piped up: "Grandma", she said, "thats the mall right there. Whenever we go there, my daddy gets really grumpy." LOL It was one of those priceless moments. She's hilarious. We've only ever been to the mall with daddy once, and I don't even remember him being especially grumpy. Anyway . . . the circus was a blast. Both girls were completely enthralled. Personally, I'm a little too "greenpeacy" to really like watching the performing animals, and all the acrobatic stuff makes me sick because I'm so afraid of heights. But it was so worth it to see the looks on my kids' faces. Even Bryn was squealing in delight.

7 months old

Actually, yesterday was Bryn's 7 month birthday, but I couldn't get the photo upload to work. And I couldn't post about her birthday without a picture of my pretty girl. And she is so pretty. I just cannot get enough of her. She is the most huggable, lovable girl ever. I swear she gives bear hugs and kisses already - she squeezes with her arms and burries her head in my shoulder, then she'll come at me with her wet and open mouth for a sloppy kiss. She is so much fun. Everything makes her smile and laugh - its like the world is one big joke to her. Even people in stores come up and comment to me about how happy she seems.

Yesterday when I picked her up from daycare, Miss J was all excited to tell me the Bryn PULLED UP! She's not even crawling yet (although she's so close) but she can pull up. Being the type of mommy who won't say my kids have completed a milestone until I've seen it myself, I went on my way with a smile. But then this morning, Ben saw her pull up. So, I suppose there is no more denying it. Time to lower the crib.

Bryn continues to be a big girl. Last week she had an ear infection, and weighed 18.5 pounds. I pulled out all of her sister's old winter stuff, and what she fits now is what G wore when she was walking. Its funny to me, because it makes Bryn seem older than she really is.

Physically she's developing quickly. She can get on all 4s and rock back and forth. I've seen her move 2 crawl steps before she falls on her belly, but she can somehow scoot to where she needs to be. My doctor said that crawling isn't considered a milestone anymore; they look for the ability to move to an object out of reach, which she clearly can do. She's got excellent hand/eye coordination. Its fun to watch her in the bath as she tries to pick up floating toys. She's gotten really fast. And she's so handsy - I have to be careful because her lightning fast hands pick up the wrong stuff all of the time. She also wants to feed herself. During meal time, I put her in her highchair with some finger foods and she goes nuts. And the second something runs out, she's screaming at me for more. (and she's got a really loud scream).

Verbally she seems a bit behind (but of course I'm comparing her to her older sister, the linguistic genius who spoke her first sentence, "bye daddy" at 9 months old). She does try and copy me though, so I know she's trying. She makes several consonant sounds, and is learning to make sounds with her tongue. She does know and respond to her name, and if her sister laughs she'll laugh back.

I love watching her personality develop. She has the sweetest disposition and is the most loving baby. She loves to cuddle (and so does mommy). And she is so smiley and bright-eyed. She gets excited at the slighest thing - especially Mommy. When she thinks I'm coming to pick her up, she squeals, laughs, and flails her arms and legs. At that point I'd better pick her up, or she gets mad.

Her schedule is great right now. She sleeps solidly 12-13 hours at night, with the occasional night waking for a feed (which I don't mind the one-on-one cuddle time). Usually she takes 3 naps, that are anywhere from 45 minutes - 2 hours long. While her schedule may not be totally predictible as far as daytime nap schedule, her cues are easy to read.

I love my Boo so much, and I cannot imagine life without her.

I love my husband

In all fairness to him, after that really awful post about him a few weeks ago, I had better let the "cyber community" know what a good man he is. Things had escallated last week, and got pretty ugly between us. Then something bad happened: we got a call that my brother was in a coma and the doctors didn't know if he was going to wake up. That was sort of a "wake up call" for Ben and I. I kept thinking what if something happened, and I was left feeling that my last words to my husband had been ugly.

So, we had a long talk on Thursday. A really long talk. At the end of it all, my head hurt but I couldn't sleep. I was worried things were going to get worse after that. But, they've been so wonderful ever since. Ben has been trying so hard, and so have I.

On Sunday at church, the speaker talked about why parents love their children: its because they are constantly serving them. Out of service comes love. Although we didn't discuss it with each other, both Ben and I have been trying to apply that same principle to our marriage.

Yesterday I came home from work to find a yummy dinner prepared. Ben had gotten the recipe to my favorite dressing from Cafe Rio, and he made delicious taco salads. Even Gracelin scarfed hers up. Then, he helped get everything cleaned up. After the kids were in bed and the house straightened, he made the effort to try some foreplay (instead of his typical "hey baby lets go in the bedroom and get it on"). We had lots of kinky fun in the bedroom. It was a great day.

I am blessed to have a husband that loves me and wants me to be happy. I don't think most men would try as hard as he does, and I'm grateful.

My big little girl

Gracelin's growing up so quickly. The other day I blinked, and she somehow became a little girl in the place of my little baby. She is so full of life. I simply cannot get enough of her.

Her favorite things include:

• her little sister - Gracelin loves Bryn to death . . . literally. Lately she's into "fluffing" her and giving her "squeezers" - which are basically tight hugs where the poor baby appears to be smothered.
• her buddy - aka Daddy - G loves her daddy so much.
• swimming - the other day, G sadly proclaimed that "thy put the lid on the pool". I had to explain that the pool would reopen again next summer, and she was almost in tears. Swimming with Buddy is definitely her most cherished passtime. She got really brave this summer too. She'll jump off the side of the pool and go completely under the water without even plugging her nose. Of course, Buddy is right there to catch her.
• spicy foods - this little girl wouldn't eat a piece of fruit or veggie to save her life, but she's been caught drinking salsa straight from the bowl on more than one occasion. I don't worry much. At least she's getting some veggies. She also loves chili, tacos, and lasagne. She's a strange one
• jumping - I don't think she walks anywhere. Her little calves and thighs are getting muscle definition in them from the constant workout.
• books - G loves to read, and has many of her favorites completely memorized. She can sit and "read" a book to herself and she gets most of the words right. She's also starting to recognize many of the letters, and is fascinated by me telling her what they are and what sounds they make. I'm convinced she'll be a genius some day as a result.
• music - she loves to sing and be sung too. She's got so many songs memorized. One of her favorite thigs to do, is replace the words so she can sing about a specific item and/or person.
• nurturing - lately she will ask me to pretend to cry or be sad so she can comfort me. She'll hug me, kiss me, pat me, and tell me it will all be ok. I secretly love this. She's also incredibly nurturing to her baby dolls - and everything is a baby (even the shampoo bottle wrapped in a washcloth)

I am so blessed to have such a special little girl. I love her so much.

Sometimes I don't like my husband very much

Today was one of those days. Mornings are always a rush. We wake the girls at 6, and have to be out the door about 6:25 to be on time for everything. So that means, we have to wake them, dress them, and feed them in a short time. As anyone can imagine, it takes careful coordination to make things run smoothly. And one little glitch can throw off the carefully-planned routine.

This morning, however, Brynlee woke at 5am to feed and went back to sleep. Since I knew she wouldn't be hungry again at 6am, I thought I had a few minutes to spare. But then Gracelin woke up grumpy, and wanted me to help her instead of Daddy. Fine. I had a few extra minutes to spare, right? Well, instead of continuing on with things, my hubby sat down in the computer chair and did absolutely nothing to help me. So, I figured since he had some spare time, he could help by bringing a new roll of TP into the girls' bathroom and by giving the baby her medicine. But instead of helping me out, he told me that he had to leave for work in 3 minutes or would be late (first I've ever heard of this. I'm always out the door before him). Then he told me that he was tired of me "bossing him around". WTF? Is this man 29 or 9? As if me asking him to get off of his fat duff and help out was "bossing him around".

I didn't talk to him most of the day. Usually we talk 2-3 time throughout the day, but today I didn't call him at all. Finally around 2pm-ish he called me and acted like nothing ever happened. But I was still pissed and let him know. He had the gall to acuse me of things and to laugh at me. I hung up on him.

I know it sounds childish, but sometimes he is so unreasonable. I just get sick of him. Sometimes I think I'd be happier on my own. I've spent all day really depressed and longing for some way to make myself feel better. I drove around on my lunch break trying to decide where to go buy a giant oreo/caramel shake to blow the hell out of my diet. I ended up with a box of low fat granola bars and settled for one. At least they had chocolate in them.

He'll probably come home tonight, all apologetic and really nice to try and make me feel guilty. Or, he'll be really pissed off at me and won't even talk. Either way, he'll probably think we need to fix things in the bedroom. UGH. Thats the LAST thing I want to do with this man.

I feel sorry too, because it affects the kids. Gracelin kept asking me what was wrong this morning. She's very perceptive, and it bothers her when there is contention in the house. We're probably causing irreversable damage to her growth and development.

Can you die from being tired?

I love my girls, but they’re going to be the death of me. If a person can die of fatigue that is. Just this weekend, Ben and I were reminiscing about the “good old days” when we could sleep until noon. Now, I’m grateful to stay in bed until 7am. To make matters worse, Bryn has been sleeping like crap. Last night she was awake 5 times in the night. I can’t figure it out – she’s been sleeping through the night for 4 months now. This is worse than when she was newborn.

I love her though. She’s so physical. This morning she crawled 2 “steps”. I’m pretty sure within a week or 2 she’s going to be all over the house. She loves to squeal and rock back and forth – and she’s big and really strong. She also loves people, and is a social butterfly. Yesterday we had people over for dinner, and she wanted to sit in her highchair up to the table so she could be a part of it all. We were at the zoo yesterday too, and she learned to clap while we were at the bird show. She also loves food and food and more food. She didn’t get to be 18 pounds by accident. Even that yucky rice cereal will elicit such squeals of delight and foot kicking that it makes the whole family laugh.

Bryn and her sister already have such a bond. No one can make her laugh like Gracelin does. Sunday night G was playing peek-a-boo with Bryn, and she was laughing so hard she got the hiccoughs. She thinks her sister is hilarious. In fact, all we have to do is tell G to make her sister laugh – and she simply says “ha ha” and Bryn will giggle.

It just seems like she’s growing up really fast (much faster than her sister did), and while I’m excited to think that maybe sometime in the next 3 or 4 years I’ll actually get caught up on my sleep, I’m already missing my little baby.

What girl doesn't want to marry a doctor?

I think Gracelin is in love with her pediatrician. She talks about him all of the time. She also pretends to be sick. When I ask her what is wrong, she will tell me that she needs the doctor to fix her. Sometimes I worry that it is getting out of hand. On more than one occasion, she has pretended to throw up into the potty to prove how sick she is. I don’t think she really is sick – she never has a fever or anything. I just think its because she loves her doctor. LOL He is pretty cute.

She is such a funny girl. She’s outgoing and brave. Lately she’s obsessed with swimming. Her daddy takes her almost every night, and she L-O-V-E-S it! The other day, she saw some older kids diving, and she asked her daddy if she could try it. She’ll stand at the edge of the pool, put her hands over her head, and kind of flop into the water. She goes completely under, and doesn’t even need to plug her nose. Of course her daddy is right there to catch her though. I really need to get her into swimming lessons, but at this age all I can find are mommy and me classes. I think she’s too old for that, so I’ll probably have to wait until she’s 3.

Gracelin funny

The other day in the car I caught G picking her nose. When I asked her to stop, her response was this:

I'm not picking my nose, mom. I'm just moving my boogers around.

LOL

Gotta love kids

My beautiful Brynlee-boo

Brynlee is beautiful. She has creamy skin, pink rosebud lips, big blue eyes and a skiff of fuzzy hair about the color of a copper penny. She is also the happiest baby around, and laughes all the time. She is so strong, and is almost crawling. Bryn is also a big girl. She is 6 months old - she weighs 18 pounds and is 27 1/2 inches long. Her doctor says that she's the size of an average 11 month old. She has always been at the top of the charts, and sometimes doesn't even register on them. I feel badly for her already, because when people see her they always comment on her size. Even her daddy calls her chubbs. I don't think that is an appropriate way to address his beautiful daughter - talk about giving her a complex.

To make matters worse, her older sister Gracelin is a skinny mini. G was only 19 pounds at 13 months old. She is 2 1/2 and only weighs 24 pounds. G's potty trained, but wears a diaper at night - both girls wear the same size diaper! People are always commenting on how pretty she is.

I'm just worried poor Bryn is going to grow up with a complex. I don't want her to be compared her entire life to her petite older sister. Of course, they both have lots of growing to do, but I really worry about how Bryn is going to view herself.

I've always had issues with my body too - even when I was skinny. But now I'm on the chubby side, and I really hate my body. I feel so uncomfortable, and hate shopping for clothes to the point where I mostly buy stuff off the internet. I don't want my poor beautiful girl to grow up like her mommy and hate her own body.

Gotta love potty training

Yesterday on the way home from DC, G told me "mommy, I had a bad accident at day care today". I answered, "you did sweetie? I'm sorry". She responded, "Ya. And I peed in my shoes." Then she looked down at the shoes on her feet and exclaimed "Ewwww. I PEED in my SHOES." Then, she immediately kicked off her shoes in disgust. Of course they were jelly shoes so I'd sure they'd been washed, but it sure was funny.

Silly question

Ok - this may be a silly question, but I've never figured out how to add links to the other blogs I read on my own blog. How do I do this? And do I need to ask permission before linking? Help please!~

Happy 6 months old Brynlee-boo!

Bryn was 6 months old yesterday. I'm so sad that her babyness is 1/2 over. She is such a joy. She has got to be the happiest baby ever. She loves so smile and laugh, and she's so responsive. She's also got a great attention span for her age - she can keep herself entertained for an hour at a time. I think she's growing and teething. She was up 3 times to eat in the night - I"m one tired mommy today. At first I thought she was just really hungry, but now I'm a bit worried I'm having supply issues. I've barely pumped 1/2 of normal today.

Bryn is sitting up well, and starting to launch forward onto her hands and knees. She isn't rocking back and forth yet, but I remember that when G starting doing that it was only a couple of weeks before full-on crawling (of course G was almost 11 months old when she started). She's also got her 2 bottom teeth and she's working on the top 2. She's a slobbery mess - we spent much of the weekend naked because she kept getting her clothes all wet.

Bryn loves food too. I've never seen a baby eat cereal like she does. I've even started giving her some soft solids because she just seems to want more. Most of it gets spit back out, but she still loves every minute of it.

She and her big sister get along so well too. They love each other so much. I love watching them together.

Me - ology

GRUB-OLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice?~~homey mustardWhat is your favorite fast food restaurant?~~cafe rio
What is your favorite sit down restaurant?~~Ottavios (Italian)
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?~~At least 20% unless they are rude and totally suck, or forget to refill my diet coke
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?~~salad of any type
Name three foods you detest above all others.~~tomatoes, trout, oysters
What are your pizza toppings of choice?~~pineapple, green peppers, mushrooms
What do you like to put on your toast?~~butter (but I really don't eat much toast)
What is your favorite type of gum?~~I really don't chew gum either - TMJ

TECH-OLOGY
Number of contacts in your cell phone?~~???? Too many to count (I got a new phone last month and I'm still working on moving them over)
Number of contacts in your email address book?~~100s (if you count work contacts as well as personal)
What is your wallpaper on your computer?~~Pic of my girls
What is your screensaver on your computer?~~More pics
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer?~~if naked baby butts count LOL
How many land line phones do you have in your house?~~1
How many televisions are in your house?~~1
What kitchen appliance do you use the least?~~all of them!
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most?~~Adult alternative
How many sex toys do you own that require batteries?~~ too many to count (since I sell them for a living! LOL)

BI-OLOGY
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute?~~My straight teeth and great skin
Are you right handed or left handed?~~left
Do you like your smile?~~ Love it - see straight teeth comment above
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?~~tonsils, wisdom teeth, endometriosis stuff
Would you like to get something removed?~~Yep - serious lypo
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom?~~ I'm never in the that long - I'm an in-and-out kind of person
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?~~Smell
When was the last time you had a cavity?~ I have one now
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly?~~My 2 kids at the same time
Have you ever been knocked unconscious?~~yep - country swing dancing in college I got dropped on my head

MISC-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?~~ yes
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?~~ I've never really liked my name per se, but I have no idea what I'd rather be
How do you express your artistic side?~~scrapbooking or decorating my house
What color do you think you look best in?~~Brown
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison?~~Forever
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?~~Don't think so
If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?~~Ewwwww.
How often do you go to church?~~ Almost every Sunday
Have you ever saved someones life?~~Ummm - when I was training to be an EMT I went on several ambulance ride alongs, but no one was ever in a life threatening situation, however I did do some medical care.
Has someone ever saved yours?~~ No
D
ARE-OLOGY
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?~~ If it was in Europe
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?~~ Yes (I've always been a bit curious)
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?~~No
Would you never blog again for $50,000?~~Hmmm - have to think about that one
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?~~ Nope - no one wants to see me naked!
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?~~How hot? Probably
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?~~No - I couldn't even take an animal's life for that
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000?~~ These are stupid quesitons. I probably would though. It would grow back.
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?~~ Yep - I barely watch now. We have rabbit ears on our TV and only get like 2 channels. Ask me to give up my internet connection though and I'd be seriously hurting

Weekend update

Wow! This weekend just flew by. I have 3 day weekends, and I swear I need 4 days. LOL I had 2 Passion Parties this weekend (yay for the $$$ I made) which kept me really busy, and then my husband was gone a lot. He and I never see each other.

The big news of the weekend was that Gracelin is wearing big girl panties. She only had one accident all weekend too. Of course we still put her in diapers during naps and at bed time, but she's doing well while awake. We even took her shopping, outside to play, and to church. She's doing amazingly well.

The second biggest news is that Bryn is almost crawling. She can get onto her hands and knees from a sitting position and she rocks back and forth. While its fun to watch her grow and develop, I am really mourning the loss of my baby.

Aren't weekends supposed to be relaxing and fun?

I had the LONGEST weekend of my life. Suddenly Gracelin has decided that she doesn't need to do anything I want her to and she cries over everything. Not whining either. This annoying loud screetching cry that makes me want to stick ear plugs in. I'm thinking she may be coming down with something, but she has no sickness symptoms at all. What a personality shift. On top of that, Bryn's got a cold and isn't sleeping well. Yesterday she took 5 15-minute cat-naps all day and then wouldn't settle down to sleep. Last night, I finally put both of my girls in their rooms and let them CIO. I just couldn't cope. I feel like the worst mommy - I totally lost my temper with G and yelled at her. She just kept "stalling" and whining for things that she doesn't need at betime. After the 1,000th time she got out of bed, I yelled at her to "get into bed NOW". She looked at me like I was crazy and I had to go put her into bed.

On top of all of that, I had traded parties with a girl that does Pampered Chef, and Saturday was the party at my house. So, I had to actually clean while all of the chaos was ensuing. And I invited a friend that we hang out with because we feel sorry for (not because we actually enjoy her company). Long story short - the girl WOULD NOT LEAVE MY HOUSE. All the other guests were gone by 1:30, and she stayed until 4. She had put her little boy to bed in G's bed for a nap without even asking me. SO G had no where to sleep and never took a nap (only added to her hellish personality). Needless to say, I haven't slept in 3 days and now I feel like I'm getting sick. I would love a vacation!

The PC party was kind of a bust too. I'd invited almost 50 people, and only 9 showed up. Out of those 9, only 4 people ordered. Party sales were only $144. I felt badly for the girl. I either have really cheap friends, or PC consultants don't make very much. I always try and buy something when I go to a PC party, but honestly I usually only budget $20 (I don't cook, so most of my cooking utensils sit unused in my kitchen). It did make me feel good about my Passion Parties business. The worst party I've ever had there were only 4 guests (including the hostess) and I made $150 at that party and got one booking. I guess its true that sex sells.

My husband gets totally annoyed at me spending even $20 at parties like that. Except when I went to my first Passion Party. I spent $125 and he was mad I hadn't bought MORE stuff. LOL No wonder he encouraged me to become a consultant.

I'm married to a sensitive man

Occasionally I hear women complain about their husband's lack of sensitivity. Well - I have the opposite problem. My husband is THE most sensitive person in the world, and he completely expects me to be happy 100% of the time. It drives me crazy. He doesn't understand that it is TOTALLY NORMAL to have a sad day, bitchy day, etc. He wants everything even-keel around the house and it drives me insane. I feel like I have to tiptoe around him all of the time, lest he think I am unhappy in every way. I can't count the number of times he's complained to me that he doesn't feel like he makes me happy. I'm totally content with my life. I have a wonderful family, job, house, friends, etc. But I do have bad days. I'm really a pretty even-tempered person - I don't have a lot of highs or lows. Its funny because my MIL is a very emotionally charged person. My husband grew up around that - you'd think he'd be happy to have a woman who is generally calm all of the time. Maybe I need to start acting a bit more giddy.

It even affects our kids. He'll tell Gracelin to stop crying all of the time. I have to fix it by telling him (and subsequently her) that its ok for her to be sad or to cry sometimes. (I don't put up with whining though). He can't even stand for Bryn to cry. Last night we were both trying to get dinner on the table, and Bryn was getting fussy. He snapped at me to go get her. I tried to explain to him that its perfectly ok for a baby to cry for a few mintues, that I was busy and I'd get her when I was finished making G's dinner. He snapped back that he can't stand to have crying in the house. WTF? He's living in a house with 3 girls and none of us are allowed to CRY?

Someone better give this man a wakeup call. LOL

Maybe we need counselling. I've got some friends in my on-line mommy's group who are going through counselling and it seems like a good idea for us. We agrue a lot. We've even stopped having sex as often - and the funny thing is that its me being turned down too. What a role reversal we have in our marriage.

We do have major communication issues, and it usually results in a big, fat fight. We also fight over the computer all of the time. I like to come home from work and work on my Passion Parties business. My husband likes to come home and play Final Fantasy until the butt-crack of dawn. Finally he admitted to me yesterday that he feels left out when I'm on the computer, which is so silly. If I wasn't on then he would be.

We also have issues with our work-ethics. I'm perpetually busy. I'm not happy unless I've got 150 things going on. I rarely just sit and watch TV and/or relax. I like working and doing things. He likes to sit and do nothing. He gets mad at me a lot that I won't just sit and do nothing with him. I cannot think of anything I like less than just sitting. He thinks I'm a work-a-holic and I think he's lazy. I'm sure the perfect balance lies somewhere in the middle - that we're each too extreme.

Hmmm. I think I'm just rambling now.

I do love him. He's a good husband and father. He helps out with the house and kids more than my own dad ever did. The girls love him. I love him too, but I have to admit I've thought about leaving him on more than one occasion. Sometimes I miss the excitement of dating. (Maybe he and I should become swingers? LOL) Overall though, I am happy with him and I want to stay married, for more reasons then just the kids.