Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Thougts on one more

The entire time I was pregnant with Brynlee I was sure she’d be my last baby – mainly because I hate being pregnant. Really, I’m not healthy pregnant either. Ben and I discussed it many times. He didn’t want me to be pregnant again either because my being pregnant “is really difficult for him too”. Beyond the physical aspect, there are other factors, like money (I have to work now to support our family, and daycare costs for 2 are a significant chunk of my money. Adding a third child into daycare would just about make it useless for me to work) and time (I’m stretched thin as it is now. I don’t know how I’d have time to spend with a 3rd). My marriage is struggling right now too, and the burden of another child would further cause further strain. Besides 2 parents + 2 kids = a well-balanced family. 2 kids don’t seem like many, but 3 are a really big family. And the list goes on and on.

But, something happened to me in the hospital right after I gave birth to Brynlee. I held her, expecting to find that she completed my family. Instead, I found myself feeling that there’s one more child out there destined to call me “mother”. Financially, realistically, and practically it doesn’t make sense to try and add more. I’m still so tired and sleep deprived that I find myself wondering if I’ll ever sleep again. Yet I still find myself wishing in my heart that I could have one more some day. Maybe a boy.

Although I currently have an IUD, I’ve thought the past few months that I will have one more baby some day. But then yesterday, I think I found my answer. I was reading online about an agency that arranges the adoption of orphans from the Ukraine. They set up families who are willing to host an orphan for 1-2 months, and then if the child “fits” with the family they arrange the adoption. I don’t necessarily want a child from the Ukraine, but I am interested in one from another Eastern European country.

Ben lived in Russia for almost 2 years. During that time, he did lots of service at the orphanages there. He has talked many times of the children, and how they loved for him to go and play with them – how their faces would light up from something as simple as a hug. As I mother, I can barely stand to hear of these poor children. (can you see where this is going?) I want to adopt from Russia. Ben speaks Russian fluently, and perhaps that would make it easier for us. I’ve actually thought about it quite a bit – especially in the days of our infertility. In fact, we’d set the marker of my 32nd birthday as the time we’d consider adoption if we hadn’t conceived by that time. I just passed my 32nd birthday 2 weeks ago.

Of course, there are still lots of issues in our lives to clear up. I’d want to be able to stay at home at that time, so it will likely be a few years before it is financially feasible for us. And it would be nice for both of my girls to be a bit older (ideally school-age), so they could understand and help with the transition. I’m sure it would be difficult for the child to be moved ½ across the world into a new culture and language. I would want enough time to devote to the child without taking away from the needs of my own young children. And obviously, it would be expensive as well. But all those things don’t matter so much. In my heart I know that is what I want to do.


Anonymous said...

Sounds like you've found a way to get baby #3 without the risks- because pregnancy was pretty risky for you. Plus it gives you the time to sort out the other issues before stressing things with another child. Good luck! TTYL-Kristina

LisserB said...

That would be a wonderful way to grow your family. That child would be coming 1/2 way 'round the world, into the best life he could ever have. Good luck! Let us know what Ben thinks.