Wednesday, December 29, 2004

8 month birthday

Tomorrow Gracelin will be 8 months old. Where has the time gone? It seems like only yesterday she was that tiny, red, skinny thing, that more resembled a baby bird than my daughter. Now she is an active, healthy, and bright girl who is fascinated with the world. She's so curious - I just love to sit and watch her as she learns.

Lately she has been fascinated with her body. She'll sit an watch her hand as she grasps a toy. She will grab her feet, ears, hair, nose, etc almost as a blind person would, exploring every inch. Gracie sits up well, and rocks back and forth like she wants to move but doesn't know how. She watches other babies that are mobile with awe - I don't think she's quite figured out that she could do those things. She has excellend hand/eye coordination, and picks up anything within her reach without effort. She has learned to wave also. Yesterday when I went to get her from day care, she was still in her crib. She had awoken from her nap, but was just quietly laying there not making a sound. When she saw me, she smiled and waved. She gives me hugs and kisses too. Her way of kissing is a bit unconventional. She'll grab your face with both hand, and come at you with her tongue out. Gracie is also a wonderful sleeper. Last night she was so tired - I couldn't get her into bed fast enough. Once I layed her down, she just closed her eyes and never made a sound.

She is such a sweetie.

Monday, December 20, 2004

My little girl

Gracelin had a difficult time going to sleep tonight. Usually when I put her into bed, she either goes right to sleep for fusses herself to sleep. Rarely does it take her longer than 5 minutes to sleep. Tonight, however, she screamed when I layed her down. I let her stay for a few minutes, but she was completely hysterical. I know that I should just let her cry it out, but I figured between the fact that she has been sick and she started a new day care today, she probably needed a little extra TLC. So, I went in, picked her up, and rocked her. SHe just melted in my arms. For awhile she just laid there and watched me - I think she was happy to have mommy holding her. Eventually she fell asleep, and I held her for the longest time. I never rock her to sleep - and she never sleeps in my arms. It felt so good to hold her. It didn't matter that I had one million other things that needed doing (Christmas cards, wrapping presents, working out, making bottles for day care, etc) - all I wanted to do was hold her. I laid my face down next to hers and felt her breath on my cheek. All my emotions welled up inside me, and I realized that nothing else that I had to do really mattered. I loved her so much that I cried. For the longest time I just held her, and rocked her, and cried. It felt amazingly good.

Eventually the cat came into the room. Since Gracie came home from the hospital the cat has stayed clear of her. But tonight, her curiousity got the best of her. She sat on the bed and contemplated the jump from the edge of the bed into the crib. After much deliberation, she did it. I decided that I needed to get the cat out of the crib before she got too comfortable. So, I finally put Gracelin to bed and took kitty with me.

But now, I have no motivation to do my other things. Christmas cards will wait for another day.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

The ironies in life

Yesterday I got a call from my daughter's day care provider. She was obviously upset on the phone. She told me that I needed to come immediately to pick Gracelin up, because she was about to have a nervous break-down. I left work to got and get my 7 month-old baby, who was already on her third day care provider. When I got there, Julie (the day care provider) told me that she was through - she wasn't going to baby sit any more.

For those of you who know me, you know that this is a huge blow. Day care is hard to come by where I live and work. I live in a smaller town, and work in the same town. There is only one commercial day care, and the waiting list is huge. I have been on it since I was pregnant with no luck. Obviously I was frantic wondering who was going to watch my baby, as I don't want to leave her with "just anyone" but at the same time have to go to work. I was beyond pissed with my provider, but more than that, I was terrified that I would't find anywhere for Gracelin to go.

Luckily, I was able to take her with me to work, and I began calling around. I did find a center with an opening, but it was 11 miles away - which is 44 extra miles per day to drive. I kept looking. In despiration, I called the center whose waiting list I'd been on for almost a year. They had a postition that just opened up. I raced over there and signed Gracelin up.

She'd been going to Julie's for almost 4 months, and for that entire time, the main road was closed because the state DOT has been installing a traffic signal, and I'd had to detour every day. I noticed that the road was open on my way home that night.

Monday, December 13, 2004


I hate being in debt. It is an all-consuming feeling - like I am ready to be swallowed under in shark-infested waters. My husband and I have been trying so hard to pay off our debts so that I can one day stay home with my baby girl. It just seems like there is always something standing in our way. Like our car - our piece-o-crap Saab that we paid $1000 for. Granted, it was a low price for such a car, but it was still too much. We have probably put 3x that much back into the car, and we've only owned it for 6 months. Just today we had another $460 repair - after a $500 repair last week. Just when it feels like we may be getting ahead, we have to pay more for that stupid car.

So, we decided today that we are going to trade it in and see what we can get out of it. I hate having to go further into debt for another car, but we do need something reliable to get to work. It isn't feasible for us to share a car, and we live too far away from public transportation for that to be an option.

Monday, December 06, 2004

My husband

I realized that I don't talk about Ben very often. Lately it seems we don't have much time for one another. It is completely unintiontional with all there is with caring for the baby, but I has taken a toll on our relationship. When I do mention him, it is usually a complaint about him, and I started to worry that anyone who reads my blog may get the wrong impression. I do love Ben - he is a wonderful husband and father.

We had such a fun weekend. Saturday was his work Christmas party. It was fun to get dressed up and to have an evening alone. (I love Gracelin, but sometimes it is nice to be out without her). We ate a nice dinner, and then had fun dancing - bumping and grinding (he promised me that no one gets fired because of behavior at the Christmas party). I could barely keep my hands off of him. After the party, we walked around downtown. It was cold and slightly snowy. The shops had Christmas displays up, and the trees had lights. We walked around holding hands, and even made-out in public like teenagers. I felt like I was in some ultra-cheesy made for TV Christmas movie. But, we had fun. It was like we rekindled our friendship again. I think we need that to get through the day-to-day stuff.

Move over Scrooge!

Something has happened to my Christmas spirit. It is missing, but I must admit that I haven't been looking very hard for it. I know that I should be trying to make Christmas the most magical time for Gracelin, but I just don't have the energy. I have done some shopping, but since money is tight this year, our purchases are minimal. I decided that I will not decorate my house at all. My basement storage room is full of Christmas decorations. Ben's family owns a craft store and they make their own nutcrackers. I have probably 100 nutcrackers in my basement - and they are going to stay in their boxes for another year. I also decided that I wanted a custom decorated tree a couple of years ago. So, I handpainted dozens of wooden ornaments. They are in their boxes too. Ben worked in college putting up Christmas lights, and is a semi-pro at it. But, he got out of having to do it this year. There will be no lights up at our house. Nor will there be wreaths, garlands, or snowflakes.

Bah humbug!

The one thing I have been doing is listening to Christmas music. I love Christmas music. I have pulled out my CDs and have them in my car and at work. I also sing in the church choir, and we are performing the Sunday before Chrismas at church - I'm even performing in a special number that day.

Between my semi-depressed state and incredible fatigue, I'm just lucky to get the stuff done that I HAVE to do every day. I don't have time for anything extra. Maybe next year.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Hello, my name is Christie and I'm a chocoholic

I posted earlier of my attempt to shed baby fat. Well, I have been failing miserably. In fact, I have gained weight! 6 pounds. So, I made some resolutions the other day on what I was going to do to help lose weight. They are as follows:

1) Eat no refined sugars
2) Minimum of 20 minutes of cardio per day
3) Minimum of 10 minutes of strenth training per day
4) Take brief, 5 minute walks throughout the day to keep up metabolism
5) Drink more water and less Diet Cherry Coke

So, here's how I've been doing:

1) Didn't eat any sugars until today. Today, I ate 2 chocolate donuts (does this equate to roughly the 600 calories needed for breast feeding?)
2) Have done the cardio ONCE in the past 5 days
3) Have done strength training twice in 5 days
4) Haven't taken any brief walks; however when I go to the store, I park way in the back of the lot and walk in
5) I'm just drinking regular Diet Coke today - I've at least eliminated the cherry flavoring.

My biggest vice is that I am totally addicted to chocolate, which is funny because I hated chocolate before I got pregnant. I think I could have resisited the donuts today had they been glazed. And why . . .WHY . . . couldn't I stop at just one? I haven't eaten 2 donuts in one day since I was a kid.

I have a serious addiction.

Bah humbug

I am going to boycott Christmas - well, not actually ALL of Christmas, just the decorations part. I am not going to put up one single decoration in my house this year. I can barely keep up with what I have to do - cleaning, laundry, etc. I don't have time to decorate - nor do I have the energy! Gracelin won't miss a thing.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

What I'm thankful for

I remember Thanksgiving last year so clearly. In the midst of morning sickness, my one goal was to eat dinner without puking. While I didn't eat much, I was able to keep it down. After dinner I was relaxing in a recliner at my parents' house, and I felt the baby move for the first time. It was really more of a quick flutter, but it was amazing. And it confirmed my gratitude for the new little one inside of me.

A year has passed, and so much has changed. I have been through pregnancy, birth, and the first 7 months of my child's life. But much remains the same - what I am truly grateful for remains the same.

My little girl is amazing. I love her more every day. Some days, I can barely put her down. I just want to gobble up her sweetness. She is sitting now, and just learning to feed herself (baby food that more resembles Meow Mix than human food). Her happiness seems to radiate - rarely is she without a smile.

My husband is wonderful too. He tries so hard to make me happy, and he loves me and Gracie so much. I don't think I could be anymore blessed.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Only hours after Posted by Hello
Look how happy I am after my tubes! Posted by Hello

Post-op update

Today was the day that Gracelin got her tubes. After 5 previous ear infections, and one suspected one (which the doctor confirmed today) I was more than a bit anxious to get them in. Not that I want any pain or discomfort for her, but I feel that one day of pain is better than the weeks of sickness she has been enduring.

Quite honestly, I was most worried about the fact she couldn't eat after midnight. She usually wakes up in the morning quite hungry, and I didn't know what I would do if she woke up wanting to nurse. I went in and did a "dream feed" around 11pm so that she hopefully wouldn't be so hungry, and then I put her back to sleep in her car seat. It worked great! She was still asleep when it was time to leave. By the time we had gotten to the hospital, a 20 minute drive, she was awake - but she was very content. We went inside, checked in, and sat down to wait. It took them about 30 minutes to call us back, and she was an absolute angel. The other parents in the waiting room were commenting to us on how happy she seemed (they all had fussy babies).

Finally they called her back. The nurse came in and took her vitals, then the anisthesiaologist (sp?) came in to describe what he was going to do. Luckily he would just use gas, but he warned us to expect a crying baby when she came out of it. Then the doctor came in and told us what she was going to do. She said the acutal procedure would only take about 4 minutes. She would also do a hearing test before and after. Then they took our smiling baby (who looked so cute in her minature hospital gown) and sent us to wait in the recovery room.

We had only been there about 15 minutes, when I distinctly heard my baby crying over all the other babies. They brought her to me, and she was crying harder than I had ever heard. I tried to nurse her, but she wasn't really interested. She would latch for a few seconds, but then come off and scream again. They gave the antibiotic ear drops and explained to us how to "wick" away the drainage (some very feminine male nurse named Bruce showed us how to properly twist a tissue into a wick). Then the doctor came in and told us that everything went well. She did have an ear infection and she did fail her hearing test. But, she was able to get rid of the infection, and after the tubes went in, Gracelin passed her hearing test.

Gracelin was still hysterical. It broke my heart to have her cry like that and not be able to comfort her. I don't know how parents of colicy babies do it. We decided to just take her home. She cried almost the entire 20 minutes back home. Finally, just as we were pulling into the neighborhood, she fell asleep. She slept for quite awhile, and woke up with a smile on her face. She has been generally happy the rest of the day, although I could tell she was a bit uncomfortable. We have kept her on a steady dose of Tylenol. I can also tell that she is hearing things differently, and already I have noticed a difference in her babbling.

We did have a slight issue getting her to sleep tonight, but I think that has stemmed from me being a bit lax about her night routine for the past few weeks. Tongith I just put her into bed - cold turkey. And it took about 30 minutes longer for her to fall asleep. She did well though - she really is a great baby!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

She finally showed

My dear old Aunt Flo that is. Today is cycle day 56 (or #1 I suppose) and 20+ days past ovulation. It is about time the old had showed. I am feeling crappy too - lots of cramps.

But, I am pretty excited. My hubby doesn't have to work tonight, and I don't have any obligations either. He has been working a second job, trying to redeem himself for racking up a $2,000 balance on his credit card without telling me (lets just say I was less than happy considering we had decided that we wouldn't use credit cards). He works at the movie theatre downtown, called the Gateway. He doesn't mind it too much. He can see all the free movies that he wants, and they have screenings the day before the movie is released to the general public. He can take me and Gracelin too! Besides, he gets to see lots of celebrities. Last weekend, he saw Avril Lavine, Elizabeth Smart, lots of Utah Jazz Players, and MATT DAMON (can you tell I'm jealous about that one?)

Ok - I think I have digressed. I was trying to talk about how I am excited to actually see my DH awake and spend some time together. And, wouldn't you know that Aunt Flo is here, so he won't be getting any lovin'. Poor guy!

Monday, November 15, 2004

Update on me

Oh - and I haven't mentioned again my illusive friend Aunt Flo. It has now been 52 days since I have last seen her. I have had 3 negative pregnancy test. I keep feeling like she is coming - bloated, crampy, and way bitchy! What's up?

I am a bad, bad blogger

Haven't updated in quite awhile. And, last time I tried, my post didn't show up for some reason. Didn't bother to go back and fix it.

I probably should update on our little Gracie Jayne. She is sitting up constantly now. Lying on the back is boring and "old-school". She also LOVES food (other than rice cereal and peas). Her favs are the orange veggies, namely sweet potatoes and carrots. The one drawback: orange poo. Yesterday she was all dressed for church in the cutest outfit with white tights and bloomers. She was sitting on the floor happily playing when suddenly we had a massive poo-splosion. She litterally had orange poo from head to toe. We had to bring in reinforcements and draw a bath to get her cleaned up. I think her back may still be stained a bit orange (and we aren't even going to mention her cute bloomers) She had eaten an entire jar of pears the day before, which I think may be the culprit. For now, we are going to focus on foods that stay in the intestine a bit longer!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

No wonder I'm so tired

Who am I?

I am:

a daughter
a sister
a friend
a wife
a mother
a nurturer
a chef
a housekeeper
a poet
a lover
a musician
a child of God
an intellectual
a city planner
a chauffeur
an organizer
a teacher
a student
a lover of nature
a photographer . . .
and so much more

Just the first few things that came to my head

Monday, November 08, 2004

Am I a bad mommy or what?

Gracelin has always been such a good sleeper - until recently. She caught a cold 2 weeks ago, and I started putting her in her car seat to sleep, because she breathed better propped up. Well, the cold is over, but she still wants to sleep in her car seat. She has been crying upstairs for the past 45 minutes. I know I should go up and save her, but what would that solve? Maybe I should just go and put her in her car seat. But, that wouldn't help much, would it?

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

To chart or not to chart - that is the question

When I was trying to get pregnant, I charted religiously for 2 years. I suppose it helped me to feel like I had some control over my "unexplained infertility". I took my temps every morning at 6am - no matter what. I checked my cervical position and cervical mucous, no matter how disgusting it seemed. I faithfully did the baby dance at least every other day for two solid years. I tried various positions that were supposed to plant the sperm more directly into my retroverted uterus. I even spent lots of money on Clomid and PreSeed. (and even more on EPTs)

Then, one day when I was sure that my dear old Aunt Flo was knocking on the door, I got my postitive test. And after the most awful pregnancy I could have imagined, my baby was born 4 weeks early.

Now, here I sit, contemplating trying to conceive yet again. For the life of me, I cannot seem to chart. I noticed a nice amount of fertile cervical mucous (with is way TMI) the other day, so I know that I ovulated, but other than that, I can't bring myself to do it. Maybe it is because I am scared of being pregnant again - and who could blame me? It isn't as if I am looking forward to puking every single day for another 8 months, while still gaining over 60 pounds and blowing up like a tick and having to be put on bedrest but still getting pre-eclampsia and having to be induced then not getting to see my baby for 36 hours because she is in the NICU and I'm not allowed out of bed (I know - run-on sentence, but it's past my bedtime).

But, then again, maybe I am already pregnant. My dear old Aunt Flo hasn't made an appearance since the middle of September. Here it is November already, and I have had lots of unprotected sex (I can't bring myself to use any form of contraception, but that is a story for another day)

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Time changes

I don't know what it is, but it takes me forever to change the clocks for daylight savings time. My bedroom clock is the worst, because it is always 20 minutes fast (something about making me feel like I am sleeping longer). But now, I have to adjust it to only being 40 minutes fast. It is very confusing. It is a wonder I'm not late more often.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

The cat's meow

I have a problem. I like animals. Now, I know you must be thinking to yourself “why is this a problem?” Well, normally it wouldn’t be. But, I happen to live next to the world’s most neglectful pet owners, who, on top of neglecting their pets, own way too many of them. And, I think the word is out that if they (the pets) need something, all they have to do is come to my house and “ask” for it, because I am too big a softy to turn them away.

One of my particular favorites we shall call Orange Kitty, because he is an orange cat and I don’t know his real name. He is so cute, and I have fed him on several occasions (on one I actually cooked him chicken which pissed of my hubby). Sometimes he will sit on my porch and cry, so loud I can hear him from wherever I happen to be inside the house. I have taken to ignoring his cries. One day, I was putting something away in the hall closet when the doorbell rang. Since I was next to the front door, I answered it fairly quickly, excepting to see a person. But there sat Orange Kitty. He meowed at me, and I swear he was smiling. He must have jumped against the door and gotten the doorbell. Did he ring it on purpose?

On another occasion, I was fast asleep in my bed, as it was well after midnight. My husband came in and woke me up, saying “Christie, there is a rabbit at the front door.” I rolled over, mumbling something. But then I realized what he said, and went downstairs to investigate. He had been watching TV when he heard a knock at the door. Being suspicious because of the late hour, he cautiously opened the front door, only to find a cute bunny sitting on the stoop. We took the bunny in, and put him inside the laundry basket in the basement with some lettuce. The next day I took him home.

Most recently, the spawn of Orange Kitty (ie. A litter of cute kittens about 8 weeks old) have invaded me. They see my car, and literally come running with their little “mew, mew, mewing”. I have to feed them at their own house to get them to leave mine alone. I don’t want them to associate the food with my house so I take it over to my neighbor’s garage, and feed them my own cat’s food inside the garage. I have to make them leave though. I am worried I will run over them with my car.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

6 month breast feeding milestone

Gracelin will be 6 months old on Saturday, and I am still breast feeding her. She gets nursed in the morning and before bed, and then full-time on the weekends. When I am not with her, I pump every 3 hours (or as close to that as possible) to keep up my supply. Then, at day care she gets bottles of expressed breast milk. I can't believe I have kept it up this long, and I am still going strong!
When I first had her, I was didn't even like breast feeding, but I kept it up because she was a preemie and I knew it was good for her. Obviously she had some formula in the beginning to supplement and then again when she developed breastfeeding jaundice. But other than that, she has only had mommy's milk to drink. As she has gotten older, nursing and pumping has gotten easier and it has become part of the routine.
Now I love breast feeding. It is my special time with her. I think she feels the same. She will look at me and smile right as my milk lets down, so she gets sprayed. And she always wraps her fingers around my thumb, or strokes my breast.
I am really thinking that I will try for a year (or at least until she gets teeth).

Thursday, October 21, 2004

What is it about being a mommy that makes me worry?

I used to be so laid back. But, since Gracelin has come into my life, I worry about everything. On Monday, she only slept for 2 hours at day care. So, I was convinced there was something wrong. She must have another ear infection or something I thought. But, she didn't have a fever and Tuesday she was just fine. Obviously I was just overreacting. On Wednesday, however, she was barely awake for 2 hours. She was even asleep when I took her home, and she stayed asleep all night. She wouldn't even wake up for her bath. And she was still sound asleep when I took her to day care. She never woke up for me one time. I was convinced there must be something wrong. Crazy thoughts kept going through my head: maybe she really does have meningitis. Maybe she ingested some poison at day care and she is slowly dying a terrible death. And my hubby didn't understand. His explanation was that she must be growing, that he slept a lot when he was growing as a baby. Obviously he didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Well - she is just fine today. She is playing happily at day care, and she is now awake. Maybe she was having a growth spurt.

I guess I need to be more relaxed.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Gloomy weather

I know I am weird, but the gloomier the weather, the cheery I get. I know that most people get depressed and sad in the rainy and cold weather. But, I acutally get depressed on long, hot, sunny days. I love it in October when the days start to get shorter. I love when it is dark by 6pm, and the nights are cold and crisp. Today is cool and rainy, and I couldn't be happier.

Maybe what it all boils down to is the fact that I love winter clothes. I also love winter activities. And autumn. And snow. And Halloween.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Baby food is GOOOD (said with an Adam Sandler voice)

Ok - so I've been giving Gracelin solid food for about 3 weeks now. Friday night we decided to try oatmeal mixed with bananas. But, before I could give it to her, my hubby told me I had to try it. He said that I couldn't give my baby food I hadn't tried myself (this tactic also worked to get me to taste my own expressed breast milk). So, I took a big spoonful of the cereal (or should we call it mush?). It was horribly disgusting. So gross that there are no words to describe its foulness. But, I gave it to Gracie anyway. She didn't seem to mind - in fact, she loved the stuff and cried for more when it was gone. Unfortunately, we were out to dinner and I didn't have anymore to give her.

I always try to feed her when we have our dinner, so she can learn about dinnertime. Since we eat out several nights a week, I have to take her food with us. I have gotten some strange looks from other restaurant patrons - especially since I let her try to feed herself if she wants. But, I figure it is more important for her to learn.

My little girl loves to eat, and I fear she isn't going to be too little for long.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Why is shopping such therapy

Without going into a lot of detail (I usually try to stay positive) my week has basically sucked. Tuesday was my 30th birthday, so shouldn't there have been some good things? Well . . . there was one bright spot. For my birthday, DH let me take some money to go shopping with. So, I went to buy ME some new clothes, and suddenly the world was a brighter place.

I like to buy clothing from the Junior's department. I'm not sure why. I always need a size bigger than I think to accommodate my "mom body". But, somehow I feel young and hip when I buy teenage clothes. I love low-rise pants and tiny tee shirts with some silly graphic. But, I digress, I am supposed to be talking about shopping therapy.

And, shopping is therapy for me. My hubby has me all figured out, just as I have him figured out. When he gets onery, all I need to do is "give him some action" and his world is a brighter place. When I get crabby, he knows all I need is a trip to the mall, and I am a new woman.

It really doesn't even need to be anything significant, sometimes earrings or mascara will do the trick. But, I was especially down-in-the-dumps, so I needed an entire outfit to cheer me up. What I came home with were a super cute pair of stretch cords (low rise of course) with a powder blue jacket made from the same stretch material, and a pair of new clogs. I wore my new outfit to work the next day, and got tons of compliments. In fact, one coworker asked me where I got the jacket, and asked if I cared if she went and bought the same one. This just extended the shopping euphoria for another day!

Monday, October 11, 2004

My poor sick baby

Our weekend started out innocent enough. DH and I had plans for a weekend away. We made plans at a condo up in the mountains to just relax, play games, golf, and just enjoy one another. On our way, we stopped to have dinner with some family. The adults were in the kitchen getting ready to eat, when my poor 6-year-old nephew who was outside sweeping the deck for Grandma (it was even his idea – he wanted the broom that looks like Harry Potter) started to scream. We looked out the window and he literally had 50 hornets swarming him. They didn’t know it, but underneath one of the benches was a huge nest – he must have hit it with the broom. Grandma ran outside and grabbed him. The hornets were inside his clothes – they had even crawled inside his socks and down into his shoes. He ended up with 14 stings. His parents gave him some Benedryl and he seemed ok, but by morning every sting had gotten infected, and he ended up in the hospital. Needless to say, it was a scary experience.

DH and I did eventually make it to our condo that evening, and we had a wonderful night. We woke up to a beautiful fall day. We took a drive, went to breakfast, and then went golfing. DH golfed while Gracie and I rode along in the cart. Then, we went back to the condo. Gracelin was playing on the floor while I made lunch. She was cooing to herself and playing with her feet. She started to get fussy, so I went over and picked her up. She was burning up, so I gave her some Tylenol. The medicine didn’t help and she continued to get fussier and hotter. DH and I decided to go home early. We loaded up the car and headed for home. Gracelin continued to get sicker. By the time we were 45 minutes from home, we decided to take her to Insta-care. So, we pulled over and took her in – they promptly sent us to the kids care clinic at the hospital. The doctor there got us right in. Poor Gracie had a fever of 103 after the Tylenol and she started throwing up. The doctor was worried she had meningitis, so she sent us for tests. The first test was an x-ray, and poor Gracie hated that. Then she had to have blood work, and her veins kept collapsing. It took 15 minutes to find a vein, and the poor girl was crying the entire time. The only thing they could find wrong with her was an ear infection, but since it is the 4th ear infection she has had in 6 weeks, they figured she needed aggressive antibiotics. So, she got 2 shots that day, and we had to take her back for another one yesterday. Today, I am following up with her regular DR, but the hospital suggested he give her a 3rd shot today. Poor girl.

I am sure that tubes are imminent. The doctor was talking about tubes after her last ear infection. She finished up the antibiotics for that one on Friday, and by Saturday afternoon she was sick again. My theory is that this has all been the same infection, and that it is somehow resistant to the antibiotics. But, she has had infections in both ears, so maybe that can’t be the case. At any rate, something has to be done. I try to suction out her nose because she is stuffy all of the time. I wonder if there is something else that I could be doing? Or maybe the DCP could be doing. Don’t think me a bad mommy, but I took her to day care today because I had to work. I am leaving early to take her to the doctor, and I have checked up on her and she seems to be feeling better.

I wish I could stay home with her. Sometimes I feel like she gets sick from the other kids at daycare, and if she could be home with me she wouldn’t get sick. On those days, I sometimes resent DH because he doesn’t make enough money (although I know it isn’t fair). I do love my DH though and he is a wonderful person!

Gracelin does continue to be such a joy and a blessing. She has found her voice and her feet. It is so amazing to watch her grab her feet and bring them up to her mouth. And she loves to yell – lately she tried different sounds, pitches, and volumes. What a baby genius I have! LOL

Tomorrow is my 30th birthday! YIKES! I am SO old!

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Do you believe in ghosts?

I think that my office is haunted! About 7 years ago, one of the City's employees died here, while working late one evening. He fell down the stairs and had a heart attack. I believe (and so do most of my coworkers) that he haunts the place. What made me think about it today, is that I am sitting here watching the Diet Cherry Coke can on my desk. The can is lying on its side, and it is slowing rolling back and forth. It gave me the chills to see it.

There are actually lots of strange occurrances here. Lots of times I have seen file and desk drawers open slowly all by themselves. I have been here late at night and heard what sounded like something banging and crashing in the stairwell (like someone falling down the stairs perhaps?). The weirdest was one night a couple of years ago. I had gone to the eye doctor and he had dialated my eyes. I was afraid to drive home because I couldn't see very well, so I came back to work for a couple of hours before driving home. It was dark in the office and I was sitting at my desk at the computer. I heard someone talking in one of the other offices down the hall. I looked at my phone, and saw a coworker's extension lit up, meaning he was on the phone. I decided to walk down there and say hi since I really didn't feel much like working. But, when I got there, no one was in the office and the phone was sitting in the cradle. It was very unnerving, because had he left his office, I would have seen him go out the door. I was alone, yet I clearly heard someone talking and plainly saw his extension lit up. This was the same office where the man that died in the building worked when he was alive. I totaly freaked! I got my keys and left the building - immediately!

I suppose I have always believed in ghosts. Both my uncle's house and my grandparent's houses are haunted, and I have grown up having spooky experiences. My uncle owns a 200+ year old row house, where he lives alone. Let me also preface this by saying that my uncle is an educated man that ownes a successful real estate business. He has owned his home for almost 15 years, and the previous owner was a woman named Edna. She had been born in the house sometime in the 1890s, and she lived there her entire life - she even died in the house in the late 1980s. Edna never married, and lived alone for decades. After she died, her house stood vacant for around 10 years, until my uncle bought the house and moved in. He immediately began renovations. Apparently, Edna did not like a man changing things around in her house. My uncle would come home to find things differently than when he left. At first it was subtle differences, like the heat being turned up or things having been put in different places than where he left them. But then, he started noticing more obvious things - furniture being moved and dishes being washed. One Christmas Eve, he was busily wrapping presents before going off to the family party. He realized he was running late, and left the house without cleaning up his mess, but when he got home, everything was cleaned up. Obviously Edna expects a clean house. At first he was pretty scared by everything, but eventually he has learned to live with her. Maybe they even keep eachother company.

I have lots of stories about my grandparent's house as well, but those will have to wait for another day when I have more time.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Who needs mom when I can feed myself? Posted by Hello

Our beautiful Gracelin Jayne - almost 5 months old Posted by Hello

Why is chubby cute for a baby?

My baby is so wonderfully chubby. She has the cutest, most kissable rolls. These rolls are everywhere, including her neck, arms, and knees. Amazingly, since having her, I have similar rolls. Unfortunately, mine aren't quite so kissable (in fact, they are downright UNkissable!) What's a mom to do? I have lots of excuses for why my baby is 5 months old, and I am still 25 pounds above where I should be. Let me list a few:

1. I am a working mom. After getting myself and baby up at 5am for me to be at work by 7am, then coming home at 6pm, then cooking dinner, feeding DH and baby, cleaning up, bathing baby, packing the bag for day care the next day, making bottles, etc (I could go on) I am too tired to exercise.

2. I am a nursing mom. Believe it or not, I have acutally attempted to cut calories in the hopes of shedding poundage. However, I have noticed a direct relationship between the amount of calories consumed and the ounces of milk that I am able to pump (I am sure there is a mathematical formula for this). Besides that, I am so freakin' hungry all of the time! No joke. I think this may have something to do with prolactin . . .

3. I have terrible genes. Not to blame my parents or anything, but this is completely their fault.

4. I am almost 30 (next week) and my metabolism is shot all to hell (no further explanation required)

5. I am lazy and lack any willpower. In all honesty, this is the reason that I am still fat. 'nuff said.

I do have goals that I hope to one day attain. Currently I am 5'8" and weigh 165. My BMI is 25.1, which classifies me as overweight (but thankfully, not obese). My goal weight is 140 - a distant 25 pounds away. Yesterday I dug through my closet, trying to find something to wear amidst my size 6s and 8s. Needless to say, it is depressing.

One day, I may be the skinny little hottie I once was. But for now, I will have to settle for being "fluffy"

My first post

Wow - here I am with my very own blog. I supposed I should introduce myself (just in case someone else actually reads this). My name is Christie and I have a wonderful DH who I have been married to for 3 years. We also have a baby girl, Gracelin Jayne who recently turned 5 months old. She was born on April 30, 2004. DH and I tried to get pregnant for 2 years. After being diagnosed with unexplained infertility, we conceived two weeks before I was scheduled for exploratory laproscopic surgery. My pregnancy was awful. I suffered from hyperemesis the entire time, and even had to go to the ER for IV fluids and anti-nausea meds. At about 20 weeks, I started swelling and having BP issues. These troubles escallated to the point where I was so swollen my shoes wouldn't fit and my BP was sky-high. I was going in for daily non-stress tests at L&D. I was finally induced at 36 weeks pregnant because there was protein in my urine.

Gracelin Jayne was born 4 weeks early at 6 pounds 2 ounces and 19 inches long after 17 hours of labor. She had a full head of blonde hair that stuck up all over her head. Unfortunately my illnesses and her early birth day affected her health, and she spent her first few days in the NICU. When she did come home, it was with oxygen, an apnea monitor, and bili lights. Our home looked much like the NICU, but our girl was home.

Gracie is such a joy. She rarely cries and smiles constantly. I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old, and she started sleeping tbrough the night the first day I went back. What an angel!

I work as a city planner and DH is a corporate credit underwriter. I hope some day to be able to stay home, but for now Gracelin is in an in-home day care. She loves the interaction and socialization with the other children. On more than one occasion, people have commented to me on how social she is. People also tell me all the time that she is really calm and laid-back.

I hope to keep this blog fairly current to track the changes and growth of our little family (yes - I did say growth! Dh and I are already considering TTC #2! Did I also mention that I turn 30 this year? My biological clock is ticking!)