Everything I need to know I learned from motivational posters

We all have something that someone else wants

Make no little plans
Sharting isn't cool

Always flush

Spiders are really scary

Don't ever make eye contact

Blogging is a great way to show our individuality

Not every answer is found in Google

That milk campaign is all bunk

Mullets are sexy

Everyone is beautiful in their own way

Blurker amnesty day

This post has been totally ripped-off from Tib:

I hereby proclaim that September 22nd, 2008 shall be Blurker Amnesty Day. You are probably saying to yourself - "Self, what is Blurker Amnesty Day?" Well this is the day that all blurkers can (and hopefully will) comment and make their presence known without penalty. You may even be saying to yourself - "Self, what is a blurker?" To answer you again, oh inquisitive one - a blurker is a blog lurker. Someone who reads a blog but never posts any comments. So my unobtrusive friend - I am calling you out. In exchange for your comment, you have my solemn promise that I will not stalk you or request a comment from you in the future. Amnesty. In case you are saying to yourself - "Self, how do I comment on a blog?" Well, I can answer that as well. Simply click on the area that says X # of people had something to say. You will see a comment box pop up. If you are signed into blogger then you can type your comment and click submit. If you don't have a google account then type your comment and make sure to include your name and perhaps your location (so I know who you are) and select anonymous. Then click submit. It is just that easy! I am not upset that I have blurkers - it doesn't creep me out in the least. I am curious who you are - I crave the human interaction - I can only squeeze so much engaging chatter out of the little ones. Trust me I squeeze them all too much. I am just interested in who is out there. Reading. And not commenting. And to my fellow bloggers, feel free to declare amnesty for your blurkers on this special day as well. Of course you can borrow the logo. Consider it a gift. And I would love to hear if you brought some blurkers out of hiding!

Ode to the office

I totally ripped this off from Mindi, but it was so funny that I had to share. I've loved South Park for years, but only recently (as in last season) have I jumped on the Office bandwagon. I'm not a big TV watcher anyway, but most i am most especially not a fan of sit-coms. But last year when we got our DVR, my hubby would record every episode of the Office. Finally, I relented and watched one. I've been a fan ever since. I never expected that one show could be so funny - but it really, truly is. Laugh out loud funny.

So, you know that my DVR is already set for next Thursday's premier.

I think working in an office setting helps me relate to the really awkward situations that Michael Scott puts his employees in. One of my very favorite Office episodes, was the one where they had "diversity training". It reminded me of a similarly uncomfortable episode of my own.

As most of my readers know by now, I work for the local government of a small town - and with small towns typically comes a "small-town" attitude. Over 90% of the town's population is white and Mormon - there isn't much diversity here. The entire workforce of the City at that time was white, except for one African-American police officer (who shall be called Officer Jones, to protect the "diversified"). It was very fitting when our diversity training was done by a man who had grown up here his entire life. During the part of his lecture where he was telling us not to judge people who were "different" then we were, he decided to use a personal example. He told us of how when he first met Officer Jones, he never would have guessed the man was religious by looking at him. But, as it turned out, Officer Jones was not only a religious man, he had even been a church missionary!

The room was silent, and you could cut the irony with a dull knife. No one knew how to respond to the unintentionally racially biased story. It was a classic Micheal Scott-ish moment.

My husband too, has had more than one "Office" experience at his former place of employment (former as of yesterday - wooo hooo). One day last month I was talking to him on the phone while he was at work, and in the background I hear a bell ring, and then a loud cheer accompanied by clapping.

"What was that?" I asked him. "Are you at a ball game or something?"

"No," he sheepishly answered. "Its the new motivational idea at work. Every time someone closes a deal, they have to run to the center of the room, ring a bell, and then we all cheer."

I laughed for days. Can't you just see Andy and Dwight running to ring a bell, while Jim and Pam sarcastically cheer and clap?

Apparently, business has been slow at Ben's former place of employment, and they were struggling to get morale up. The economy had slowed their work by so much, that they were trying to find anything to keep employees busy. It is a pretty "old school" company, where the men are still required to wear shirts and ties. One day last month, work was so slow, that employees were asked to do basic janitorial work. Guys were scrubbing the toilets in their ties. Some of them were asked to clean the pond in the middle of the atrium of the building. Guys were sucking pond scum, with hip-waders over their business suits.

I think we could write a whole episode just based upon his experiences.

Would you eat here?

You're wandering down a crowded street in downtown Taipai, feeling a bit hungry, and looking for a place to eat. Suddenly this place catches your eye:
Hmmmm - the Modern Toilet. Sounds interesting, and you're really hungry so you decide to go inside.
But where to sit? Should you choose the regular old toilet seat, or should you try a urinal? Decisions, decisions.
Let's sit here - it looks fairly sanitary.
Oh good - here's lunch. Looks delicious sitting in a tiny toilet bowl.

Yummy!
This is delicious.
Now for dessert. And what else, but a big pile of poop. You can hardly wait to try it.
But first, you may want to make sure it really is poo.
Oh - that's good.

To the makers of Bratz

Dear Bratz toy makers:

I always promised myself that I would never buy your heinous toys for my children. I do not agree with promoting bratty girls, and I feel your toys do just that. Besides, your dolls are just plain ugly - and just a little bit creepy. But, in a moment of weakness, I relented and purchased two of your dolls for my children. We had a 4 hour plane flight ahead of us, and I was looking for "new toys" to bribe them into quietness. It is a mistake I will regret for the rest of my life.

First of all, I take issue with the fact that their feet are removable. Do you not have children yourselves? Do you not realize that it takes approximately one nanosecond for one of the feet to become lost? Apparently you have not had the privilege of helping a hysterical 4 year old find the FOOT of her doll in the midst of a crowded airport.

Besides being annoying, its just plain creepy:

Its like a serial killer with a foot-fetish has visited the toy box.
Poor dolls.

My second complaint, is with how ugly your dolls are. The only thing that keeps them from being bimbos is their small breasts. Their make-up is awful, and, quite frankly, they resemble prostitutes. Look at that make-up:

No one, other than a 'ho wears lip liner like that (no one since 1995 anyway).

I regret to inform you, dear toymaker, that I will no longer be a customer of yours. I much prefer Barbie, who despite her immense popularity, has managed to maintain a sense of class and dignity.

Sincerely,

Marathon Mom

Don't send in the clowns

(edited to add a less scary clown - didn't want to sway the vote)

Ben and I have an ongoing debate: he loves clowns (wishes he could be one) and I hate them. I think they're scarier than all get-out. Who knows what psycho is hiding behind the white paint. He's always told me that I'm paranoid - I'm the only person in the world that doesn't like clowns. Then today, I read this article on Yahoo frontpage:

Bad news for Coco and Blinko -- children don't like clowns and even older kids are scared of them.

The news that will no doubt have clowns shedding tears was revealed in a poll of youngsters by researchers from the University of Sheffield who were examining how to improve the decor of hospital children's wards.
The study, reported in the Nursing Standard magazine, found all the 250 patients aged between four and 16 they quizzed disliked the use of clowns, with even the older ones finding them scary.

"As adults we make assumptions about what works for children," said Penny Curtis, a senior lecturer in research at the university.

"We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable."

Its good to know I'm not alone. As it turns out there's even a clinical term for people just like me: Coulrophobia. So, what do you think about clowns - funny or scary?

A bad omen?

(this post is a bit old, and for some reason I never posted it)
I am such nerd. I love perfect numbers, and so when my car was close to hitting this milestone, I carried my camera in my car for about a week hoping to snap a picture. I was worried the big event would happen while Ben was at the wheel, and it would go by unnoticed as he doesn't grasp the significance. But no, lucky me, I got to witness this momentous event. I pulled to the side of the road (I didn't want to be a traffic hazard you know) and snapped a pitcure. I am a bit sad that its blurry, but it was dark outside.

One may wonder where I was heading, and whether or not 66666 would be a bad omen. Well - I was on my way to Instacare with Gracelin. True to form, she started feeling sick on Friday afternoon, and after a sleepless night dealing with a fever of 103, I decided she probably needed to see the doctor. So, I ran her to Instacare (luckily its really close). I was relieved when the doctor told me she had strep and an ear infection (her tubes have fallen out for a second time - ugh!!), and I made a comment to the (female) doctor that I was grateful she had something easy to treat, and not a virus.

I am sure that every parent reading this will understand me. I mean, who wouldn't rather have a simple infection where I can give my child some antibiotics and she'll be better quickly. Isn't that much better than a "virus" where who knows when they'll be feeling better, and who know what you can do to make them feel better. If my child is going to be sick, I'll take something I can cure with medicine any day.

But, apparently I'm a stupid idoit (or so that doctor would like to make me think). Following my off-handed comment, she proceeded to give me a 5 minute lecutre on the dangers of strep - throat absess, scarlet fever, blah blah blah. I stopped listening pretty quickly. I'm an intelligent person - I know there are rare complilcations to strep, but usually when they go untreated.

Still, I'll take it over a mystery "virus" any day.

In the doghouse now

This is Burton. Burton is a dog - a cocker spaniel in fact (just in case you couldn't tell). Right now he is living at my house. Let me tell you why:

Burton belongs to my brother, who is having a difficult time right now. He's had to move into a place where he cannot have a pet, and he couldn't bare to lose his best friend in the midst of the rest of his crappy life. So, being the benevolent sister that I am, I agreed to "doggie sit" for an extended amount of time. I'm not sure why either, because I'm SOO OO not a dog person.

Don't get me wrong - I love all things cute and furry (and they seem to love me too). But dogs are so noisy, and smelly, and they take lots of time and patience. And they chew everything (at least in my experience). I'm much more a cat person, but that is beside the point.

Really, Burton is a good doggie. He's obedient for the most part, and is housetrained. He's calm and patient with the girls, and he lets them maul him all day. I'm just not a dog person (have I mentioned that already?) For some reason, Burton has become extremely attached to me - like he won't venture more than 3 feet from my side. Its actually very cute and extremely annoying at the same time. He even watches me pee - I can't go anywhere without the poor guy. I already have 2 girls who are pretty much attached to my hip - I don't need a 3rd wheel (or 4th?). Regardless, my patience is growing thin.

Add that to the fact that this dog likes to chew. He's only 8 months old, so still in the puppy stage. But its becomming very annoying. Last night, I hopped into the shower after my run. Of course he sat on the floor of the bathroom to wait - or so I thought. Really, he was just biding his time until the glass fogged up enough that I couldn't see him any longer so that he could rummage through trash. By the time I got out of the shower, he'd chewed up and spit out several used tissues. I spent the next 20 minutes cleaning up regurgitated tissue. So not fun.

My poor kitty doesn't like him much either. They fight like - well, they fight like cats and dogs. Burton wants to be her friend, but kitty wants nothing to do with him. He chases her, she growls and hisses, and then he runs away crying. It would be comical if I didn't feel badly for my poor kitty. I think she's feeling displaced and neglected.

He also wakes me up in the night. I haven't had a full night of sleep since he came to visit. Apparently he can hold his pee all day while I'm at work, but in the night he has to go every 3-4 hours. Nice. Add that to the fact that Bryn still wakes at least once every night, and he has to accompany me into her room. She thinks his doggie tags are jingle bells, and she'd rather play then sleep at that point.

I'm so tired - and so not a dog person.

He is cute though, and the girls love him:





I'm just not a dog person . . .

New look

What do you think of my new look? Does it mess anyone up (link wise) if I change my name?

Monday, Monday

I've got 11 minutes until I go home for the day. Today has been SUCH a Monday. Ah. I remember the days of December being a slow and quiet time around the office. Even with the slow down of the real estate market things are still crazy around the office.

And I'm so tired today (thanks to a houseguest, who deserves a whole post of their own). I tried to combat the tiredness today by drinking a ginormous diet coke - so then I spent the afternoon feeling tired and jittery (how did I live on gallons of that stuff only a few months ago?) Then I gorged on holiday treats to the tune of probably 1000 calories. I'm skipping dinner tonight and running about 5 miles. Maybe that will help?

Anyway . . .

Thanks to Julia, I now have a blog to stalk that is SO me!

Can anyone belive that this whole disjointed post took me 11 minutes? And now its time to go home.