Wednesday, August 02, 2006

I'm married to a sensitive man

Occasionally I hear women complain about their husband's lack of sensitivity. Well - I have the opposite problem. My husband is THE most sensitive person in the world, and he completely expects me to be happy 100% of the time. It drives me crazy. He doesn't understand that it is TOTALLY NORMAL to have a sad day, bitchy day, etc. He wants everything even-keel around the house and it drives me insane. I feel like I have to tiptoe around him all of the time, lest he think I am unhappy in every way. I can't count the number of times he's complained to me that he doesn't feel like he makes me happy. I'm totally content with my life. I have a wonderful family, job, house, friends, etc. But I do have bad days. I'm really a pretty even-tempered person - I don't have a lot of highs or lows. Its funny because my MIL is a very emotionally charged person. My husband grew up around that - you'd think he'd be happy to have a woman who is generally calm all of the time. Maybe I need to start acting a bit more giddy.

It even affects our kids. He'll tell Gracelin to stop crying all of the time. I have to fix it by telling him (and subsequently her) that its ok for her to be sad or to cry sometimes. (I don't put up with whining though). He can't even stand for Bryn to cry. Last night we were both trying to get dinner on the table, and Bryn was getting fussy. He snapped at me to go get her. I tried to explain to him that its perfectly ok for a baby to cry for a few mintues, that I was busy and I'd get her when I was finished making G's dinner. He snapped back that he can't stand to have crying in the house. WTF? He's living in a house with 3 girls and none of us are allowed to CRY?

Someone better give this man a wakeup call. LOL

Maybe we need counselling. I've got some friends in my on-line mommy's group who are going through counselling and it seems like a good idea for us. We agrue a lot. We've even stopped having sex as often - and the funny thing is that its me being turned down too. What a role reversal we have in our marriage.

We do have major communication issues, and it usually results in a big, fat fight. We also fight over the computer all of the time. I like to come home from work and work on my Passion Parties business. My husband likes to come home and play Final Fantasy until the butt-crack of dawn. Finally he admitted to me yesterday that he feels left out when I'm on the computer, which is so silly. If I wasn't on then he would be.

We also have issues with our work-ethics. I'm perpetually busy. I'm not happy unless I've got 150 things going on. I rarely just sit and watch TV and/or relax. I like working and doing things. He likes to sit and do nothing. He gets mad at me a lot that I won't just sit and do nothing with him. I cannot think of anything I like less than just sitting. He thinks I'm a work-a-holic and I think he's lazy. I'm sure the perfect balance lies somewhere in the middle - that we're each too extreme.

Hmmm. I think I'm just rambling now.

I do love him. He's a good husband and father. He helps out with the house and kids more than my own dad ever did. The girls love him. I love him too, but I have to admit I've thought about leaving him on more than one occasion. Sometimes I miss the excitement of dating. (Maybe he and I should become swingers? LOL) Overall though, I am happy with him and I want to stay married, for more reasons then just the kids.

1 comment:

Kristina said...

It can be tough when you both have different energy levels and different ways of recharging.

Could you set aside one evening a week for each other and you take turns deciding what to do? Then he'll get a chance to relax watching a movie with you and you'll get a chance to do something with him that's a little more energetic so you both win.

There has to be a middle ground somewhere and in that middle ground you may find that thrill and excitement that you've been missing :). Good luck! TTYL-Kristina