I got pulled aside today by a coworker saying that she "needs to talk about a few things." For the past couple of weeks, she's been completely ignoring me, so I knew something was wrong. Apparently, I've said some things to her that have made her feel badly. I've hurt her. I've made her feel inferior. I've blamed her every time something has gone wrong. She had several specific converstations that she cited - some of them going back months. I only even remember one instance that she recalled (and in that instance, she made the mistake but I took credit for it in a public meeting). Never once do I ever remember thinking anything negative about her. I've honestly never intended to be rude or mean - but apparently I have been. I guess I'm just an insensitive bitch.
For some reason, this whole instance reminded me of something that happened about 15 years ago. I had a boyfriend that I was really digging. One day, he pulled my sister aside to confide in her that sometimes I said really mean things to him, and he wanted to know what she thought he should do. Her response to him was that I'm "just like that." Needless to say, that relationship didn't make it much further.
Up until that point, I don't remember ever being mean to him either - I actually really liked him and was crushed when he dumped me. (I'm pretty sure that screaming "get the hell out of my apartment you freakin' jerk" after the break-up was offensive - but before that point I wasn't even sure that the problem was). I know that I've never intended to hurt either one of these peoples' feelings. But now I'm worried that I've spent my life offending just about every single person around me - all without me ever knowing and/or intending it.
What do you think (especially those of you who know me in real life)? Have I ever been rude to you? You can post anonymously if you want, but please let me know.
11 comments:
You just opened a can of worms. Hope the fishing is good...
You have never been mean to ME. I can't speak for anyone else. You might come off as blunt but that isn't a bad thing - you say what you are thinking and I likey. She sounds a bit tenderhearted to me.
Well, now that you ask. I remember one time when we were in Moab with Alison, Lynita and Bang the Door. Just kidding. We did play a pretty sweet game of truth or dare.
Christie, I have never once been offended or thought you were rude to me. Ever. Of course, I come from tough-skinned stock and a mother who sticks her foot in her mouth on a minute-to-minute basis, so I've learned to let things roll of my back. And I believe in being blunt myself. So I may not be the best judge. But I've always thought you were considerate and sweet.
I don't know you very well, but you haven't offended me yet! :)
Christie, I've known you for several years. We worked in Young Women's together, we were neighbors, we hung out some, and now I keep up with you through blogging. You have never once been rude to me or done anything that came across as rude. For what it's worth! Your co-worker seems like somebody who maybe wants to be offended. It isn't hard to offend someone who wants it. In fact, it's quite easy, I do it all the time!
well, from one beeyotch to another: let it roll off your shoulders. i like someone who can tell it like it is, but some people can't handle it. she sounds like that type if she's been avoiding you for 2 weeks.
i tend to take things personally sometimes, but other times i realize that if i am willing to put it out there, i gotta be willing to have other's critique. NOT my favorite thing, cuz it still always hurts, but i'm getting better.
i dig your action, christie! let the haters hate!
I can't tell you how many people I've offended, without meaning to, in my lifetime. It's hard...when you seriously don't see things the same way they do, either....when they've been hurt by you. (did that make SENSE?? ha ha) It used to really make me question myself...and to be honest, I still do that. I figure I try my best...most of the time..ha ha, and hope people take me the right way. I don't think you are rude at all. I admire your intelligence, your confidence, and your outspoken personality...to tell you the truth. I have always liked people who tell it like it IS. :o) We're ALL different...and feel differently about SO many things....BUT we're all more alike than most of us realize. It's too bad more people don't see it that way. Maybe your coworker is a little jealous of you...truth be said. You're successful...and you juggle A LOT. Who wouldn't admire that?? Plus, I've heard Ben say several times how truly "cool" you are. That's from someone who knows you best. :o) Keep your chin up. It's better not to even worry about it. Trust me... I think I've developed an ULCER in the past few years. (seriously....) Sorry for the LONG COMMENT. HUGS
This reminds me a bit of my grouch post. I know Jeff says that deep inside I"m a very mean person (kind of a mean thing to say, don't you think?). I don't know you that well except thru blogs and I don't think you are mean. I don't know if this is correct to say, but you remind me a little of how I am...a little sarcastic at times and mostly to the point. I've never seen you be rude to anyone on blogs. I always think you comments and posts are well thought out. I don't know...I'm a meany so I guess I can't really tell on other people. It is funny though what other people will hang on to for months and months when you have already forgotten it.
Whatever, sounds like this person has some self esteem issues! I love how straight-forward, blunt, or as some idiots think, bithy you are! I wouldn't change you cuz that is one of the things I have always loved about you. Seriously there are some wimpy non-assertive people that might call you mean, but they're just jealous that you are so honest and are still loved by all! Tell that girl to grow some balls and not hold onto things for so long! Man that felt good!
Unless you count offering me extra food in the MTC, which depends on your intention and true knowledge of the taste of the food, I can't say you were ever mean to me.
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