I know some of you probably read my blog title for today and cringed, and I can't say that I'd entirely blame you. She is after all 18 months old - today in fact. And up until this weekend I have breast fed her every single day of her life. I've been meaning to cut the strings for awhile now. It really bothers Ben that she's still a boobie baby, and honestly, I have been a bit embarrassed to admit it to others as well. She is a toddler - who only runs where she is going and can speak in full (albeit rudimentary) sentences. Really, she only has been nursing twice a day - once in the morning and once at night. But I figured that 18 months is long enough.
So, I decided to do it cold turkey. Since I'd be away from her a full 48 hours this weekend, I figured it was a good way to cut all ties. She didn't seem to miss it while I was gone. She slept just fine for my mom, and only even cried for me once apparently.
On Sunday when we picked her up, she was so clingy. I couldn't even leave her sight long enough to go to the bathroom. She wanted mommy. On the way home from G'ma's, Bryn fell asleep in the car. I took her to bed when we made it home, and she took a 4 hour nap. When she woke up, I took her to the living room, and while sitting on the couch she asked to nurse. She tugged at my shirt, and when I told her it was all gone, I almost cried. Bryn did cry. It hurt her feelings. It made me so sad, because I wanted nothing more than to let her nurse. But Ben got her a cup of milk from the fridge, and she got over it quickly. All day though, she was obsessed with my boobs. She kept feeling me up, and putting toys down the front of my shirt. I think she had her hand down there 100 times during the afternoon. Poor girl had a one-track mind.
I had Ben put her to sleep last night, and she went right out. In fact, he said that while reading her second book, she pushed him away and asked to go to sleep. Silly girl. She didn't miss me at all.
This morning Ben got her out of bed and ready for daycare. Our typical routine is for Ben to get her ready and then I nurse her. So, when Daddy brought her out, she wanted to come to me and nurse. She tugged at my shirt and looked up at me with her big, sweet eyes. I again told her it was all gone and got her a sippy of milk. This time there were no tears.
My poor boobs hurt. I would love to nurse her at least one more time just to make the pain go away. But I think that would just make the weaning process more difficult. I think its more traumatic for me than it is for her. I've been pregnant or breast-feeding (or both) since August 2003 - 4 full years without a day's break. I miss it. And right now, Bryn is so busy and active. I know I'm going to miss the 2 times a day that I would get her to cuddle and snuggle with mommy.
I think back to when I was pregnant with Gracelin, and not even sure I was going to try to breast feed her. I knew I'd be going back to work full-time, and I didn't think it was feasible to be a full-time working mommy who breast feeds her children. Looking back now, I have 2 beautiful girls who were 99% breast feed, and I'm so proud that I had the opportunity to nurse them both for so long. It was difficult at times - especially G who drank exclusively pumped breast milk for over 4 months. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.