Friday, January 19, 2007

So much to say . . . so little time

I've been MIA for awhile. Work has fire walled all blog sites. So, not only can I NOT update my own blog, I cannot read anyone else's. It sucks. I really miss my blogging. And I really have a lot to update about our lives and my attempts at dieting. But, I have so little computer time at home. In fact, right now I'm just checking in while I wait for the paint to dry on a craft project I'm working on. Both girls are sleeping too. I should be napping with them as well. But, I always have so much to do (housework, other projects, blogging, etc) that sleep takes a back burner most days.

I promise to be better. I'm thinking there has to be a way for me to email posts to blogger. I'll have to figure that one out.


Megan said...

Hey Christie,
I got myself a blog, it is easier than other things. I don't check on venus sisterhood much anymore.
Couldn't you just e-mail yourself & then cut & paste it into blogger?

Kristina said...

You can email posts to your blog. If you go into your blog settings there should be an email tab. Click on it and there is a line "mail to blogger address." Fill in the blank spot and check "publish" and you should be good to go! HTH- Kristina

Elizabeth S said...

Hey Christi...

I wanted to sign a GB over at TLOL, but you don't have one. I hope that you don't mind if I sign here.

Sorry that things are so rough for you and DH right now. I feel for your situation, b/c DH and I have had some pretty rough times too. They may have been different, but when you're struggling in your marriage, it's just hard. Period.

As far as the laying in bed thing....probably, if you are honest with yourself, you'll see that it wasn't really that exact situation that upset you so badly. That was just the icing on the cake....enough to blow the top off of a whole list of things you've been feeling lately.

I do not think it is abnormal (sadly) for men to put themselves first sometimes. I am not saying that it is normal to do it all the time or that it is right. I get pissed too and do not allow my DH to be a lazy father. It is NOT an option. That being said....he has done things like, eat his own lunch first, while the girls need something. Go to the bathroom first, stay in bed too long while they need something.....not use lotion after a bath. Now....I know that those scenarios don't really compare to having G lay in pee. And, that would piss me off too.

I guess my point is that they do have a selfish bone that we do not have. It is nowhere in our body and if we try to find one, it never really works!

As for counseling. You need it and so does he. You need it together. Your DH sounds terribly depressed with himself and unless he has a mental disorder to go alone with it, it can probably be fixed rather easily. When people are depressed, it is just a form of anger, and it sounds like he is turning it onto you and the girls. That is not fair. Counseling is a must and it was something that I would have been willing to leave DH over, had he refused when I demanded it.

To me, a man who finds ANY reason not to go to counseling, is telling you that he is not going to give up control or show you his pain. He does not want things to change, b/c they may not be good, but at least they are comfortable. I would not tolerate that from my own DH and so.....we went. And it helped us greatly.

You both may be stuck in some kind of a boredom rut. I only say "you both" b/c sometimes in marriage (as you know) things get boring and stale and monotonious. I know that you battle the bulge....and don't just let yourself go....and somehow, there needs to be a way for you both to make changes as a family. With both of you working, gym time might be difficult, but it could be something like investing in another piece of cardio equiptment and doing your workout at night together.

I also think that sitting in front of a computer can be addicting and can ruin a relationship just as fast. Hell, half the time I wonder if I am addicted in some weird way. But it separates the two of you and does not allow for quality time and is a lazy activity. I compare it to the same kind of removal that a drug or drink might bring, but luckily, within a few days or weeks, it can usually be changed!!

Christi....I think that you do still love your DH greatly. Maybe not in a crazy, sexy sort of way right now, but that is normal. These are the ebbs and flows of marriage and there are many years in which we may even be out of love....but hanging in there. This is all normal and okay and actually quite liberating if you think of it. The years in which your focus is on parenting cause you to shift priorities and if you both understand that things a bit off, then you can both learn to be okay with it temporariliy.

I think the most important thing with that line of thinking above though, is that you are always communicating and that when the going does get rough, you work hard to save your marriage. You can both do it.

In my opinion, some men need broken down before counseling will work. I had to lash out at my own DH in a way in which neither of us will ever forget. I basically told him it was over. It took that, for him to open up to me and let me in and for him to know that it was okay for him to be vulnerable and not in control. Our issues were different, but the pain and frustration was the same.

I hope that I have been supportive and not overstepped any boundaries. I know you were just venting, but I wanted to share my thoughts with you. No matter what you choose to do, you'll be okay, but I really believe that you guys can fix this.....he just needs to know how serious you are.

Feel free to sign my GB privately if you want to talk more. I know I'm just an online buddy, but I'm here for you. Hang in there....You can delete this or make it private if you want to.

Megan said...

Christie, I check your blog almost daily & nothing. I love hearing stories of your cute girls!! So please share more!!