Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Self-conscious

My husband is a funny man.  When I first met him, one thing about him that was attractive was that he was so confident - but not in a cocky way.  He was friendly to people, and very comfortable with who he was.  Somehow over the years, he has lost this.  Now he is a very self-conscious person. 
 
Take last night for example.  He was invited by a neighbor to go watch the NCAA championship game with some of the "guys" from the neighborhood.  Before he left, he asked me if I thought he looked good enough.  He was wearing a ratty tee-shirt and some bright blue running shorts - which honestly didn't look very good.  So I told him what I thought.  He decided that he needed to change, but most of his clothes were in the washer/dryer (I've given up on trying to meet his laundry needs, but that a story for another day).  He put on a pair of khaki shorts with a grey tee-shirt, and then asked me if I thought grey and khaki went together.  Again, my answer was "NO".  He didn't believe me - and insisted that grey and khaki were a perfectly fine combination.  So I Googled:  "do grey and khaki go together" to which we found - NO - grey and khaki do NOT go together.  So, he was forced to change again.
 
I've never seen him so concerned about his appearance.  I know he's uncomfortable because he's heavier than he's ever been.  And he really doesn't have a lot of clothes (mainly because its difficult to find stuff that fits him in regular stores, and he refuses to buy big and tall).  Sometimes I long to have a husband of a "normal" size.  I know that is unfair of me.  But I can't even wrap my arms around him.  And then there all the health issues.
 
He has tried.  We started the c25k plan together.  I'm on the last week, while he's basically given up.  I don't think he honestly completed one week of the program.  And he starts new diets all of the time.  Just last week he gave me the biggest guilt-trip about drinking soda (I'm now down to just one diet coke a day thankyouverymuch), but then when we stopped for gas yesterday, he asked me to run in and buy him a coke.  I guess he lasted a week.
 
I worry a lot about his health.  His dad and aunt are diabetic, and not healthy people.  And his family does have a propensity for poor metabolism (he has some overweight siblings as well) - so I know it is going to take hard work.  But I really want him to take charge of his health.

1 comment:

Kristina said...

It sounds like he may be depressed... gaining weight and just not being as "good" as you used to be can be a hard thing for men to deal with. The problem is it's something they have to do on their own.

You can help by making sure there isn't any junk food in the house, cooking meals that are healthy and low in fat, suggesting family outings that involve exercise. The other thing is... don't ever imply to him ever that you think he's less attractive. You might feel that way, but turn it around. If he said you're fat- how would you feel? It would completely destroy you, right? Don't say those things to him. Present healthy choices, tell him you're worried about his lack of exercise and his diet because of his family history and tell him that you'll help in anyway you can, but he has to tell you what he needs.

Good luck! This raising husbands thing can be tricky sometimes, hmm?