What I'm thankful for

I remember Thanksgiving last year so clearly. In the midst of morning sickness, my one goal was to eat dinner without puking. While I didn't eat much, I was able to keep it down. After dinner I was relaxing in a recliner at my parents' house, and I felt the baby move for the first time. It was really more of a quick flutter, but it was amazing. And it confirmed my gratitude for the new little one inside of me.

A year has passed, and so much has changed. I have been through pregnancy, birth, and the first 7 months of my child's life. But much remains the same - what I am truly grateful for remains the same.

My little girl is amazing. I love her more every day. Some days, I can barely put her down. I just want to gobble up her sweetness. She is sitting now, and just learning to feed herself (baby food that more resembles Meow Mix than human food). Her happiness seems to radiate - rarely is she without a smile.

My husband is wonderful too. He tries so hard to make me happy, and he loves me and Gracie so much. I don't think I could be anymore blessed.

Only hours after 

Look how happy I am after my tubes! 

Post-op update

Today was the day that Gracelin got her tubes. After 5 previous ear infections, and one suspected one (which the doctor confirmed today) I was more than a bit anxious to get them in. Not that I want any pain or discomfort for her, but I feel that one day of pain is better than the weeks of sickness she has been enduring.

Quite honestly, I was most worried about the fact she couldn't eat after midnight. She usually wakes up in the morning quite hungry, and I didn't know what I would do if she woke up wanting to nurse. I went in and did a "dream feed" around 11pm so that she hopefully wouldn't be so hungry, and then I put her back to sleep in her car seat. It worked great! She was still asleep when it was time to leave. By the time we had gotten to the hospital, a 20 minute drive, she was awake - but she was very content. We went inside, checked in, and sat down to wait. It took them about 30 minutes to call us back, and she was an absolute angel. The other parents in the waiting room were commenting to us on how happy she seemed (they all had fussy babies).

Finally they called her back. The nurse came in and took her vitals, then the anisthesiaologist (sp?) came in to describe what he was going to do. Luckily he would just use gas, but he warned us to expect a crying baby when she came out of it. Then the doctor came in and told us what she was going to do. She said the acutal procedure would only take about 4 minutes. She would also do a hearing test before and after. Then they took our smiling baby (who looked so cute in her minature hospital gown) and sent us to wait in the recovery room.

We had only been there about 15 minutes, when I distinctly heard my baby crying over all the other babies. They brought her to me, and she was crying harder than I had ever heard. I tried to nurse her, but she wasn't really interested. She would latch for a few seconds, but then come off and scream again. They gave the antibiotic ear drops and explained to us how to "wick" away the drainage (some very feminine male nurse named Bruce showed us how to properly twist a tissue into a wick). Then the doctor came in and told us that everything went well. She did have an ear infection and she did fail her hearing test. But, she was able to get rid of the infection, and after the tubes went in, Gracelin passed her hearing test.

Gracelin was still hysterical. It broke my heart to have her cry like that and not be able to comfort her. I don't know how parents of colicy babies do it. We decided to just take her home. She cried almost the entire 20 minutes back home. Finally, just as we were pulling into the neighborhood, she fell asleep. She slept for quite awhile, and woke up with a smile on her face. She has been generally happy the rest of the day, although I could tell she was a bit uncomfortable. We have kept her on a steady dose of Tylenol. I can also tell that she is hearing things differently, and already I have noticed a difference in her babbling.

We did have a slight issue getting her to sleep tonight, but I think that has stemmed from me being a bit lax about her night routine for the past few weeks. Tongith I just put her into bed - cold turkey. And it took about 30 minutes longer for her to fall asleep. She did well though - she really is a great baby!

She finally showed

My dear old Aunt Flo that is. Today is cycle day 56 (or #1 I suppose) and 20+ days past ovulation. It is about time the old had showed. I am feeling crappy too - lots of cramps.

But, I am pretty excited. My hubby doesn't have to work tonight, and I don't have any obligations either. He has been working a second job, trying to redeem himself for racking up a $2,000 balance on his credit card without telling me (lets just say I was less than happy considering we had decided that we wouldn't use credit cards). He works at the movie theatre downtown, called the Gateway. He doesn't mind it too much. He can see all the free movies that he wants, and they have screenings the day before the movie is released to the general public. He can take me and Gracelin too! Besides, he gets to see lots of celebrities. Last weekend, he saw Avril Lavine, Elizabeth Smart, lots of Utah Jazz Players, and MATT DAMON (can you tell I'm jealous about that one?)

Ok - I think I have digressed. I was trying to talk about how I am excited to actually see my DH awake and spend some time together. And, wouldn't you know that Aunt Flo is here, so he won't be getting any lovin'. Poor guy!

Update on me

Oh - and I haven't mentioned again my illusive friend Aunt Flo. It has now been 52 days since I have last seen her. I have had 3 negative pregnancy test. I keep feeling like she is coming - bloated, crampy, and way bitchy! What's up?

I am a bad, bad blogger

Haven't updated in quite awhile. And, last time I tried, my post didn't show up for some reason. Didn't bother to go back and fix it.

I probably should update on our little Gracie Jayne. She is sitting up constantly now. Lying on the back is boring and "old-school". She also LOVES food (other than rice cereal and peas). Her favs are the orange veggies, namely sweet potatoes and carrots. The one drawback: orange poo. Yesterday she was all dressed for church in the cutest outfit with white tights and bloomers. She was sitting on the floor happily playing when suddenly we had a massive poo-splosion. She litterally had orange poo from head to toe. We had to bring in reinforcements and draw a bath to get her cleaned up. I think her back may still be stained a bit orange (and we aren't even going to mention her cute bloomers) She had eaten an entire jar of pears the day before, which I think may be the culprit. For now, we are going to focus on foods that stay in the intestine a bit longer!

No wonder I'm so tired

Who am I?

I am:

a daughter
a sister
a friend
a wife
a mother
a nurturer
a chef
a housekeeper
a poet
a lover
a musician
a child of God
an intellectual
a city planner
a chauffeur
an organizer
a teacher
a student
a lover of nature
a photographer . . .
and so much more

Just the first few things that came to my head

Am I a bad mommy or what?

Gracelin has always been such a good sleeper - until recently. She caught a cold 2 weeks ago, and I started putting her in her car seat to sleep, because she breathed better propped up. Well, the cold is over, but she still wants to sleep in her car seat. She has been crying upstairs for the past 45 minutes. I know I should go up and save her, but what would that solve? Maybe I should just go and put her in her car seat. But, that wouldn't help much, would it?

To chart or not to chart - that is the question

When I was trying to get pregnant, I charted religiously for 2 years. I suppose it helped me to feel like I had some control over my "unexplained infertility". I took my temps every morning at 6am - no matter what. I checked my cervical position and cervical mucous, no matter how disgusting it seemed. I faithfully did the baby dance at least every other day for two solid years. I tried various positions that were supposed to plant the sperm more directly into my retroverted uterus. I even spent lots of money on Clomid and PreSeed. (and even more on EPTs)

Then, one day when I was sure that my dear old Aunt Flo was knocking on the door, I got my postitive test. And after the most awful pregnancy I could have imagined, my baby was born 4 weeks early.

Now, here I sit, contemplating trying to conceive yet again. For the life of me, I cannot seem to chart. I noticed a nice amount of fertile cervical mucous (with is way TMI) the other day, so I know that I ovulated, but other than that, I can't bring myself to do it. Maybe it is because I am scared of being pregnant again - and who could blame me? It isn't as if I am looking forward to puking every single day for another 8 months, while still gaining over 60 pounds and blowing up like a tick and having to be put on bedrest but still getting pre-eclampsia and having to be induced then not getting to see my baby for 36 hours because she is in the NICU and I'm not allowed out of bed (I know - run-on sentence, but it's past my bedtime).

But, then again, maybe I am already pregnant. My dear old Aunt Flo hasn't made an appearance since the middle of September. Here it is November already, and I have had lots of unprotected sex (I can't bring myself to use any form of contraception, but that is a story for another day)

Time changes

I don't know what it is, but it takes me forever to change the clocks for daylight savings time. My bedroom clock is the worst, because it is always 20 minutes fast (something about making me feel like I am sleeping longer). But now, I have to adjust it to only being 40 minutes fast. It is very confusing. It is a wonder I'm not late more often.