One of my favorite quotes (and I don't even know where it came from) is:
Happiness is a way of travel, not a destination
Its so easy to get mired down in longing for better things and feeling self-pity - especially lately. I've had a nagging uneasiness that I just can't figure out - which is actually strange for me. Typically I'm a "flat line of emotion" - there's not a lot of ups or downs to my emotions. Its not that I'm living my life in constant despair, but I heave recently felt that I'm missing out on something. Last night I was trying to get caught up on the 100+ blogs that reader tells me I still need to catch up on, and I read Pioneer Woman's recent post where she asked her readers to comment on how they saw their life 20 years ago, and where they are now. Most of the comments related stories of wide-eyed hopes and then serious disappointments. (I'd add a link, but I'm emailing from work and I don't know how this way - if you want to read for yourself, just click the PW link in my sidebar) It was actually quite sad to read, but as I read, it hit me (like a ton of proverbial bricks): my life isn't that bad.
20 years ago, I was 13 years old. I don't actually remember specifically what my thoughts for the future were, but I do know that I always wanted to be a mother. As I got older, I know that I wanted to be able to stay at home with my kids. I saw myself as a cute, skinny mom, living in a nice home, with plenty of money so we never had to worry (yes, I was delusional). I never envisioned myself as the primary breadwinner with the constant worry of money. And maybe that is why I have felt unhappy about things recently - things are definitely not the perfection that I dreamed of as a young girl. But reading some of the comments from PW - stories of illness, divorce, and serious heartache - I realized that I have it pretty good. I have a good job, a comfortable home, a husband who loves me, and the most amazing children ever. Yes I'm busy - but it is because I have a great job and family to occupy my time. And I may be slightly chubbier than I'd like, but I have food to eat.
I want to live more simply - to focus on the abundance that I have. Because I am blessed.