I've been thinking about this post for awhile, but I just can't seem to find a way to word it. So, I'm just going to write. Here goes:
Lately, I've been feeling a sense of of foreboding - almost impending doom - about the state of things in my life. Maybe its the economy - I don't know. But when I think about the economy, or money in general I start to get serious anxiety and I don't know why. It isn't like me to worry. But even just this week, I read in the news that Ben's employer is planning to layoff 10% of its workforce, and I get the news at work that they're will likely be no raises this year (but at least layoffs are their last resort). Some days, I literally fight the urge to just run away from it all. I want to get out of suburban hell - to sell everything we have, and find some small home in a small town away from everything. Somewhere that we can have a little bit of land to grow a large garden and to find a life that may be simpler.
I have this romantic notion that somehow I'd enjoy life a little more if we could just stop worrying about mortgages and insurance; TV; stressful jobs; etc. To just focus on our family. To live in a small town, and have not much more than each other. That sounds nice to me. I've actually been reading a blog about a man who has done just that - he has quit his job, and selling everything so that he can just live his life. (I'd link it, but he just recently went private) I don't want to be that drastic, but in a way it sounds nice.
I must go through this every once in a while I suppose, because last year about this time I was applying for jobs in remote places like Kalispell Montana and Palmer Alaska. I even interviewed for a job in Moab - would that have been nice - but I turned down the second interview out of fear that I'd actually get it.
I actually started ripping up the sod in my dinky backyard so I could plant some fruit and veggie bushes in the spring. Perhaps I can bring a bit of simple to me.
11 comments:
I think we often go through times like this.. and it's a wonderful change to evaluate & take stock of your life... a time to get rid of clutter. Find ways to get back to the basics.
I wish your luck in your personal cleanse of all the worldly garbage & hope that you can find the beauty of the world & fill your life with it.
We are on the SAME wave length or something because I've had the same thoughts. I'd love to have a smaller mortgage, a bigger piece of land, neighbors further away, and rely on family and friends for entertainment and companionship. However, I don't have the courage to do it because deep down I know that I'm a city girl. In less than a week I'd be panicking because there isn't a 'real' mall nearby. (WHAT?! I don't even shop at the mall but I find comfort in the fact that there's one nearby.)
Good luck with the garden, let me know how it goes. I'm going to do the same thing, too! Even though we have NO YARD whatsoever. I'm making G build some gardener boxes for me so I can at least plant some tomatoes or something!
I love simplicity. Great post.
I go through the same thing every so often. I have even thought of moving to the tiny Kansas town my parents live in. And then I go out there and realize that the people in that community have a complex life in a different way. My parents live on a self-sufficient farm but if the weather doesn't cooperate or they have a blight or bugs or a fox gets their chickens... well you get the picture.
great post - thanks for keeping it real!
I kind of live the life you are describing and just this morning I was fantasizing about working in the business world and making my life a little more complicated! I love my life but once in a while I long for a change of pace. Perhaps that is what you do from time to time. The pace of my life is fairly slow with lots of time to focus on family and reflect. While I would have it no other way, it isn't always a great thing. Try and live with as few regrets as possible. If you feel you are not living the life you should change it.
I think about this all the time probably because I came from a more simple life than I lead right now. My goal was always to live in a small town and open up a bookstore, just small and then bake cinnamon rolls and scones, serve rich hot chocolate and coffee. Sounds dumb and will never happen because Jeff hates small towns, loves traffic and crowds and isn't all that into having a big backyard (which is also what I want).
Sometimes Ellie and I ask him if we can move to a farm. I'm not completely serious because I'm scared of horses and I don't like the smell of poop, but I'd like my kids growing up in a place where they can find their own adventures out in a field somewhere rather than watching reruns of sponge bob.
Great post. I feel the SAME way!! (I just sorta wrote about it too) I grew up in Kalispell, MT - so funny to see it on your blog! That is a great place but hard to get a job at (small town - that is why my family left in the first place).
I wonder if I went on a "spending fast" if I would feel better. Great writing here, Christie!
Ha! I grew up in tiny Libby, Montana, where Kalispell was the "big" town where we went to shop (89 miles away). Kalispell would be a good place to raise a family, if you could find work there. Wages aren't very high, but real estate is cheaper too, unless you count all the lakeside property that's been bought up by the celebrities...
I don't blame you for wanting things to be simpler. I feel the same way. I am SO glad we didn't buy one of the houses we were going to buy last year....so we aren't stressed about our mortgage right now. Things sure did go spiraling downward pretty quickly, huh?? The economy is pretty scary right now. I would move to a tiny little town and take things a lot simpler ANY DAY. :o)
I have all sorts of similar dreams and wishes. We do manage to live in a small town, and I have chickens and a garden and all...but I have to say that it still doesn't feel simple. Same mortgage stress, same money stress, and additional "I have to take care of all this other stuff" stress. But I feel like I just didn't do the simplifying "right." One day I'll figure it out....
Apparently this is a commom feeling lately. I have always romaniticized small town life and thought it would be so much nicer. But in reality I would probably go crazy.
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