I have a problem. I like animals. Now, I know you must be thinking to yourself “why is this a problem?” Well, normally it wouldn’t be. But, I happen to live next to the world’s most neglectful pet owners, who, on top of neglecting their pets, own way too many of them. And, I think the word is out that if they (the pets) need something, all they have to do is come to my house and “ask” for it, because I am too big a softy to turn them away.
One of my particular favorites we shall call Orange Kitty, because he is an orange cat and I don’t know his real name. He is so cute, and I have fed him on several occasions (on one I actually cooked him chicken which pissed of my hubby). Sometimes he will sit on my porch and cry, so loud I can hear him from wherever I happen to be inside the house. I have taken to ignoring his cries. One day, I was putting something away in the hall closet when the doorbell rang. Since I was next to the front door, I answered it fairly quickly, excepting to see a person. But there sat Orange Kitty. He meowed at me, and I swear he was smiling. He must have jumped against the door and gotten the doorbell. Did he ring it on purpose?
On another occasion, I was fast asleep in my bed, as it was well after midnight. My husband came in and woke me up, saying “Christie, there is a rabbit at the front door.” I rolled over, mumbling something. But then I realized what he said, and went downstairs to investigate. He had been watching TV when he heard a knock at the door. Being suspicious because of the late hour, he cautiously opened the front door, only to find a cute bunny sitting on the stoop. We took the bunny in, and put him inside the laundry basket in the basement with some lettuce. The next day I took him home.
Most recently, the spawn of Orange Kitty (ie. A litter of cute kittens about 8 weeks old) have invaded me. They see my car, and literally come running with their little “mew, mew, mewing”. I have to feed them at their own house to get them to leave mine alone. I don’t want them to associate the food with my house so I take it over to my neighbor’s garage, and feed them my own cat’s food inside the garage. I have to make them leave though. I am worried I will run over them with my car.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
6 month breast feeding milestone
Gracelin will be 6 months old on Saturday, and I am still breast feeding her. She gets nursed in the morning and before bed, and then full-time on the weekends. When I am not with her, I pump every 3 hours (or as close to that as possible) to keep up my supply. Then, at day care she gets bottles of expressed breast milk. I can't believe I have kept it up this long, and I am still going strong!
When I first had her, I was didn't even like breast feeding, but I kept it up because she was a preemie and I knew it was good for her. Obviously she had some formula in the beginning to supplement and then again when she developed breastfeeding jaundice. But other than that, she has only had mommy's milk to drink. As she has gotten older, nursing and pumping has gotten easier and it has become part of the routine.
Now I love breast feeding. It is my special time with her. I think she feels the same. She will look at me and smile right as my milk lets down, so she gets sprayed. And she always wraps her fingers around my thumb, or strokes my breast.
I am really thinking that I will try for a year (or at least until she gets teeth).
When I first had her, I was didn't even like breast feeding, but I kept it up because she was a preemie and I knew it was good for her. Obviously she had some formula in the beginning to supplement and then again when she developed breastfeeding jaundice. But other than that, she has only had mommy's milk to drink. As she has gotten older, nursing and pumping has gotten easier and it has become part of the routine.
Now I love breast feeding. It is my special time with her. I think she feels the same. She will look at me and smile right as my milk lets down, so she gets sprayed. And she always wraps her fingers around my thumb, or strokes my breast.
I am really thinking that I will try for a year (or at least until she gets teeth).
Thursday, October 21, 2004
What is it about being a mommy that makes me worry?
I used to be so laid back. But, since Gracelin has come into my life, I worry about everything. On Monday, she only slept for 2 hours at day care. So, I was convinced there was something wrong. She must have another ear infection or something I thought. But, she didn't have a fever and Tuesday she was just fine. Obviously I was just overreacting. On Wednesday, however, she was barely awake for 2 hours. She was even asleep when I took her home, and she stayed asleep all night. She wouldn't even wake up for her bath. And she was still sound asleep when I took her to day care. She never woke up for me one time. I was convinced there must be something wrong. Crazy thoughts kept going through my head: maybe she really does have meningitis. Maybe she ingested some poison at day care and she is slowly dying a terrible death. And my hubby didn't understand. His explanation was that she must be growing, that he slept a lot when he was growing as a baby. Obviously he didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
Well - she is just fine today. She is playing happily at day care, and she is now awake. Maybe she was having a growth spurt.
I guess I need to be more relaxed.
Well - she is just fine today. She is playing happily at day care, and she is now awake. Maybe she was having a growth spurt.
I guess I need to be more relaxed.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Gloomy weather
I know I am weird, but the gloomier the weather, the cheery I get. I know that most people get depressed and sad in the rainy and cold weather. But, I acutally get depressed on long, hot, sunny days. I love it in October when the days start to get shorter. I love when it is dark by 6pm, and the nights are cold and crisp. Today is cool and rainy, and I couldn't be happier.
Maybe what it all boils down to is the fact that I love winter clothes. I also love winter activities. And autumn. And snow. And Halloween.
Maybe what it all boils down to is the fact that I love winter clothes. I also love winter activities. And autumn. And snow. And Halloween.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Baby food is GOOOD (said with an Adam Sandler voice)
Ok - so I've been giving Gracelin solid food for about 3 weeks now. Friday night we decided to try oatmeal mixed with bananas. But, before I could give it to her, my hubby told me I had to try it. He said that I couldn't give my baby food I hadn't tried myself (this tactic also worked to get me to taste my own expressed breast milk). So, I took a big spoonful of the cereal (or should we call it mush?). It was horribly disgusting. So gross that there are no words to describe its foulness. But, I gave it to Gracie anyway. She didn't seem to mind - in fact, she loved the stuff and cried for more when it was gone. Unfortunately, we were out to dinner and I didn't have anymore to give her.
I always try to feed her when we have our dinner, so she can learn about dinnertime. Since we eat out several nights a week, I have to take her food with us. I have gotten some strange looks from other restaurant patrons - especially since I let her try to feed herself if she wants. But, I figure it is more important for her to learn.
My little girl loves to eat, and I fear she isn't going to be too little for long.
I always try to feed her when we have our dinner, so she can learn about dinnertime. Since we eat out several nights a week, I have to take her food with us. I have gotten some strange looks from other restaurant patrons - especially since I let her try to feed herself if she wants. But, I figure it is more important for her to learn.
My little girl loves to eat, and I fear she isn't going to be too little for long.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Why is shopping such therapy
Without going into a lot of detail (I usually try to stay positive) my week has basically sucked. Tuesday was my 30th birthday, so shouldn't there have been some good things? Well . . . there was one bright spot. For my birthday, DH let me take some money to go shopping with. So, I went to buy ME some new clothes, and suddenly the world was a brighter place.
I like to buy clothing from the Junior's department. I'm not sure why. I always need a size bigger than I think to accommodate my "mom body". But, somehow I feel young and hip when I buy teenage clothes. I love low-rise pants and tiny tee shirts with some silly graphic. But, I digress, I am supposed to be talking about shopping therapy.
And, shopping is therapy for me. My hubby has me all figured out, just as I have him figured out. When he gets onery, all I need to do is "give him some action" and his world is a brighter place. When I get crabby, he knows all I need is a trip to the mall, and I am a new woman.
It really doesn't even need to be anything significant, sometimes earrings or mascara will do the trick. But, I was especially down-in-the-dumps, so I needed an entire outfit to cheer me up. What I came home with were a super cute pair of stretch cords (low rise of course) with a powder blue jacket made from the same stretch material, and a pair of new clogs. I wore my new outfit to work the next day, and got tons of compliments. In fact, one coworker asked me where I got the jacket, and asked if I cared if she went and bought the same one. This just extended the shopping euphoria for another day!
I like to buy clothing from the Junior's department. I'm not sure why. I always need a size bigger than I think to accommodate my "mom body". But, somehow I feel young and hip when I buy teenage clothes. I love low-rise pants and tiny tee shirts with some silly graphic. But, I digress, I am supposed to be talking about shopping therapy.
And, shopping is therapy for me. My hubby has me all figured out, just as I have him figured out. When he gets onery, all I need to do is "give him some action" and his world is a brighter place. When I get crabby, he knows all I need is a trip to the mall, and I am a new woman.
It really doesn't even need to be anything significant, sometimes earrings or mascara will do the trick. But, I was especially down-in-the-dumps, so I needed an entire outfit to cheer me up. What I came home with were a super cute pair of stretch cords (low rise of course) with a powder blue jacket made from the same stretch material, and a pair of new clogs. I wore my new outfit to work the next day, and got tons of compliments. In fact, one coworker asked me where I got the jacket, and asked if I cared if she went and bought the same one. This just extended the shopping euphoria for another day!
Monday, October 11, 2004
My poor sick baby
Our weekend started out innocent enough. DH and I had plans for a weekend away. We made plans at a condo up in the mountains to just relax, play games, golf, and just enjoy one another. On our way, we stopped to have dinner with some family. The adults were in the kitchen getting ready to eat, when my poor 6-year-old nephew who was outside sweeping the deck for Grandma (it was even his idea – he wanted the broom that looks like Harry Potter) started to scream. We looked out the window and he literally had 50 hornets swarming him. They didn’t know it, but underneath one of the benches was a huge nest – he must have hit it with the broom. Grandma ran outside and grabbed him. The hornets were inside his clothes – they had even crawled inside his socks and down into his shoes. He ended up with 14 stings. His parents gave him some Benedryl and he seemed ok, but by morning every sting had gotten infected, and he ended up in the hospital. Needless to say, it was a scary experience.
DH and I did eventually make it to our condo that evening, and we had a wonderful night. We woke up to a beautiful fall day. We took a drive, went to breakfast, and then went golfing. DH golfed while Gracie and I rode along in the cart. Then, we went back to the condo. Gracelin was playing on the floor while I made lunch. She was cooing to herself and playing with her feet. She started to get fussy, so I went over and picked her up. She was burning up, so I gave her some Tylenol. The medicine didn’t help and she continued to get fussier and hotter. DH and I decided to go home early. We loaded up the car and headed for home. Gracelin continued to get sicker. By the time we were 45 minutes from home, we decided to take her to Insta-care. So, we pulled over and took her in – they promptly sent us to the kids care clinic at the hospital. The doctor there got us right in. Poor Gracie had a fever of 103 after the Tylenol and she started throwing up. The doctor was worried she had meningitis, so she sent us for tests. The first test was an x-ray, and poor Gracie hated that. Then she had to have blood work, and her veins kept collapsing. It took 15 minutes to find a vein, and the poor girl was crying the entire time. The only thing they could find wrong with her was an ear infection, but since it is the 4th ear infection she has had in 6 weeks, they figured she needed aggressive antibiotics. So, she got 2 shots that day, and we had to take her back for another one yesterday. Today, I am following up with her regular DR, but the hospital suggested he give her a 3rd shot today. Poor girl.
I am sure that tubes are imminent. The doctor was talking about tubes after her last ear infection. She finished up the antibiotics for that one on Friday, and by Saturday afternoon she was sick again. My theory is that this has all been the same infection, and that it is somehow resistant to the antibiotics. But, she has had infections in both ears, so maybe that can’t be the case. At any rate, something has to be done. I try to suction out her nose because she is stuffy all of the time. I wonder if there is something else that I could be doing? Or maybe the DCP could be doing. Don’t think me a bad mommy, but I took her to day care today because I had to work. I am leaving early to take her to the doctor, and I have checked up on her and she seems to be feeling better.
I wish I could stay home with her. Sometimes I feel like she gets sick from the other kids at daycare, and if she could be home with me she wouldn’t get sick. On those days, I sometimes resent DH because he doesn’t make enough money (although I know it isn’t fair). I do love my DH though and he is a wonderful person!
Gracelin does continue to be such a joy and a blessing. She has found her voice and her feet. It is so amazing to watch her grab her feet and bring them up to her mouth. And she loves to yell – lately she tried different sounds, pitches, and volumes. What a baby genius I have! LOL
Tomorrow is my 30th birthday! YIKES! I am SO old!
DH and I did eventually make it to our condo that evening, and we had a wonderful night. We woke up to a beautiful fall day. We took a drive, went to breakfast, and then went golfing. DH golfed while Gracie and I rode along in the cart. Then, we went back to the condo. Gracelin was playing on the floor while I made lunch. She was cooing to herself and playing with her feet. She started to get fussy, so I went over and picked her up. She was burning up, so I gave her some Tylenol. The medicine didn’t help and she continued to get fussier and hotter. DH and I decided to go home early. We loaded up the car and headed for home. Gracelin continued to get sicker. By the time we were 45 minutes from home, we decided to take her to Insta-care. So, we pulled over and took her in – they promptly sent us to the kids care clinic at the hospital. The doctor there got us right in. Poor Gracie had a fever of 103 after the Tylenol and she started throwing up. The doctor was worried she had meningitis, so she sent us for tests. The first test was an x-ray, and poor Gracie hated that. Then she had to have blood work, and her veins kept collapsing. It took 15 minutes to find a vein, and the poor girl was crying the entire time. The only thing they could find wrong with her was an ear infection, but since it is the 4th ear infection she has had in 6 weeks, they figured she needed aggressive antibiotics. So, she got 2 shots that day, and we had to take her back for another one yesterday. Today, I am following up with her regular DR, but the hospital suggested he give her a 3rd shot today. Poor girl.
I am sure that tubes are imminent. The doctor was talking about tubes after her last ear infection. She finished up the antibiotics for that one on Friday, and by Saturday afternoon she was sick again. My theory is that this has all been the same infection, and that it is somehow resistant to the antibiotics. But, she has had infections in both ears, so maybe that can’t be the case. At any rate, something has to be done. I try to suction out her nose because she is stuffy all of the time. I wonder if there is something else that I could be doing? Or maybe the DCP could be doing. Don’t think me a bad mommy, but I took her to day care today because I had to work. I am leaving early to take her to the doctor, and I have checked up on her and she seems to be feeling better.
I wish I could stay home with her. Sometimes I feel like she gets sick from the other kids at daycare, and if she could be home with me she wouldn’t get sick. On those days, I sometimes resent DH because he doesn’t make enough money (although I know it isn’t fair). I do love my DH though and he is a wonderful person!
Gracelin does continue to be such a joy and a blessing. She has found her voice and her feet. It is so amazing to watch her grab her feet and bring them up to her mouth. And she loves to yell – lately she tried different sounds, pitches, and volumes. What a baby genius I have! LOL
Tomorrow is my 30th birthday! YIKES! I am SO old!
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Do you believe in ghosts?
I think that my office is haunted! About 7 years ago, one of the City's employees died here, while working late one evening. He fell down the stairs and had a heart attack. I believe (and so do most of my coworkers) that he haunts the place. What made me think about it today, is that I am sitting here watching the Diet Cherry Coke can on my desk. The can is lying on its side, and it is slowing rolling back and forth. It gave me the chills to see it.
There are actually lots of strange occurrances here. Lots of times I have seen file and desk drawers open slowly all by themselves. I have been here late at night and heard what sounded like something banging and crashing in the stairwell (like someone falling down the stairs perhaps?). The weirdest was one night a couple of years ago. I had gone to the eye doctor and he had dialated my eyes. I was afraid to drive home because I couldn't see very well, so I came back to work for a couple of hours before driving home. It was dark in the office and I was sitting at my desk at the computer. I heard someone talking in one of the other offices down the hall. I looked at my phone, and saw a coworker's extension lit up, meaning he was on the phone. I decided to walk down there and say hi since I really didn't feel much like working. But, when I got there, no one was in the office and the phone was sitting in the cradle. It was very unnerving, because had he left his office, I would have seen him go out the door. I was alone, yet I clearly heard someone talking and plainly saw his extension lit up. This was the same office where the man that died in the building worked when he was alive. I totaly freaked! I got my keys and left the building - immediately!
I suppose I have always believed in ghosts. Both my uncle's house and my grandparent's houses are haunted, and I have grown up having spooky experiences. My uncle owns a 200+ year old row house, where he lives alone. Let me also preface this by saying that my uncle is an educated man that ownes a successful real estate business. He has owned his home for almost 15 years, and the previous owner was a woman named Edna. She had been born in the house sometime in the 1890s, and she lived there her entire life - she even died in the house in the late 1980s. Edna never married, and lived alone for decades. After she died, her house stood vacant for around 10 years, until my uncle bought the house and moved in. He immediately began renovations. Apparently, Edna did not like a man changing things around in her house. My uncle would come home to find things differently than when he left. At first it was subtle differences, like the heat being turned up or things having been put in different places than where he left them. But then, he started noticing more obvious things - furniture being moved and dishes being washed. One Christmas Eve, he was busily wrapping presents before going off to the family party. He realized he was running late, and left the house without cleaning up his mess, but when he got home, everything was cleaned up. Obviously Edna expects a clean house. At first he was pretty scared by everything, but eventually he has learned to live with her. Maybe they even keep eachother company.
I have lots of stories about my grandparent's house as well, but those will have to wait for another day when I have more time.
There are actually lots of strange occurrances here. Lots of times I have seen file and desk drawers open slowly all by themselves. I have been here late at night and heard what sounded like something banging and crashing in the stairwell (like someone falling down the stairs perhaps?). The weirdest was one night a couple of years ago. I had gone to the eye doctor and he had dialated my eyes. I was afraid to drive home because I couldn't see very well, so I came back to work for a couple of hours before driving home. It was dark in the office and I was sitting at my desk at the computer. I heard someone talking in one of the other offices down the hall. I looked at my phone, and saw a coworker's extension lit up, meaning he was on the phone. I decided to walk down there and say hi since I really didn't feel much like working. But, when I got there, no one was in the office and the phone was sitting in the cradle. It was very unnerving, because had he left his office, I would have seen him go out the door. I was alone, yet I clearly heard someone talking and plainly saw his extension lit up. This was the same office where the man that died in the building worked when he was alive. I totaly freaked! I got my keys and left the building - immediately!
I suppose I have always believed in ghosts. Both my uncle's house and my grandparent's houses are haunted, and I have grown up having spooky experiences. My uncle owns a 200+ year old row house, where he lives alone. Let me also preface this by saying that my uncle is an educated man that ownes a successful real estate business. He has owned his home for almost 15 years, and the previous owner was a woman named Edna. She had been born in the house sometime in the 1890s, and she lived there her entire life - she even died in the house in the late 1980s. Edna never married, and lived alone for decades. After she died, her house stood vacant for around 10 years, until my uncle bought the house and moved in. He immediately began renovations. Apparently, Edna did not like a man changing things around in her house. My uncle would come home to find things differently than when he left. At first it was subtle differences, like the heat being turned up or things having been put in different places than where he left them. But then, he started noticing more obvious things - furniture being moved and dishes being washed. One Christmas Eve, he was busily wrapping presents before going off to the family party. He realized he was running late, and left the house without cleaning up his mess, but when he got home, everything was cleaned up. Obviously Edna expects a clean house. At first he was pretty scared by everything, but eventually he has learned to live with her. Maybe they even keep eachother company.
I have lots of stories about my grandparent's house as well, but those will have to wait for another day when I have more time.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Why is chubby cute for a baby?
My baby is so wonderfully chubby. She has the cutest, most kissable rolls. These rolls are everywhere, including her neck, arms, and knees. Amazingly, since having her, I have similar rolls. Unfortunately, mine aren't quite so kissable (in fact, they are downright UNkissable!) What's a mom to do? I have lots of excuses for why my baby is 5 months old, and I am still 25 pounds above where I should be. Let me list a few:
1. I am a working mom. After getting myself and baby up at 5am for me to be at work by 7am, then coming home at 6pm, then cooking dinner, feeding DH and baby, cleaning up, bathing baby, packing the bag for day care the next day, making bottles, etc (I could go on) I am too tired to exercise.
2. I am a nursing mom. Believe it or not, I have acutally attempted to cut calories in the hopes of shedding poundage. However, I have noticed a direct relationship between the amount of calories consumed and the ounces of milk that I am able to pump (I am sure there is a mathematical formula for this). Besides that, I am so freakin' hungry all of the time! No joke. I think this may have something to do with prolactin . . .
3. I have terrible genes. Not to blame my parents or anything, but this is completely their fault.
4. I am almost 30 (next week) and my metabolism is shot all to hell (no further explanation required)
5. I am lazy and lack any willpower. In all honesty, this is the reason that I am still fat. 'nuff said.
I do have goals that I hope to one day attain. Currently I am 5'8" and weigh 165. My BMI is 25.1, which classifies me as overweight (but thankfully, not obese). My goal weight is 140 - a distant 25 pounds away. Yesterday I dug through my closet, trying to find something to wear amidst my size 6s and 8s. Needless to say, it is depressing.
One day, I may be the skinny little hottie I once was. But for now, I will have to settle for being "fluffy"
1. I am a working mom. After getting myself and baby up at 5am for me to be at work by 7am, then coming home at 6pm, then cooking dinner, feeding DH and baby, cleaning up, bathing baby, packing the bag for day care the next day, making bottles, etc (I could go on) I am too tired to exercise.
2. I am a nursing mom. Believe it or not, I have acutally attempted to cut calories in the hopes of shedding poundage. However, I have noticed a direct relationship between the amount of calories consumed and the ounces of milk that I am able to pump (I am sure there is a mathematical formula for this). Besides that, I am so freakin' hungry all of the time! No joke. I think this may have something to do with prolactin . . .
3. I have terrible genes. Not to blame my parents or anything, but this is completely their fault.
4. I am almost 30 (next week) and my metabolism is shot all to hell (no further explanation required)
5. I am lazy and lack any willpower. In all honesty, this is the reason that I am still fat. 'nuff said.
I do have goals that I hope to one day attain. Currently I am 5'8" and weigh 165. My BMI is 25.1, which classifies me as overweight (but thankfully, not obese). My goal weight is 140 - a distant 25 pounds away. Yesterday I dug through my closet, trying to find something to wear amidst my size 6s and 8s. Needless to say, it is depressing.
One day, I may be the skinny little hottie I once was. But for now, I will have to settle for being "fluffy"
My first post
Wow - here I am with my very own blog. I supposed I should introduce myself (just in case someone else actually reads this). My name is Christie and I have a wonderful DH who I have been married to for 3 years. We also have a baby girl, Gracelin Jayne who recently turned 5 months old. She was born on April 30, 2004. DH and I tried to get pregnant for 2 years. After being diagnosed with unexplained infertility, we conceived two weeks before I was scheduled for exploratory laproscopic surgery. My pregnancy was awful. I suffered from hyperemesis the entire time, and even had to go to the ER for IV fluids and anti-nausea meds. At about 20 weeks, I started swelling and having BP issues. These troubles escallated to the point where I was so swollen my shoes wouldn't fit and my BP was sky-high. I was going in for daily non-stress tests at L&D. I was finally induced at 36 weeks pregnant because there was protein in my urine.
Gracelin Jayne was born 4 weeks early at 6 pounds 2 ounces and 19 inches long after 17 hours of labor. She had a full head of blonde hair that stuck up all over her head. Unfortunately my illnesses and her early birth day affected her health, and she spent her first few days in the NICU. When she did come home, it was with oxygen, an apnea monitor, and bili lights. Our home looked much like the NICU, but our girl was home.
Gracie is such a joy. She rarely cries and smiles constantly. I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old, and she started sleeping tbrough the night the first day I went back. What an angel!
I work as a city planner and DH is a corporate credit underwriter. I hope some day to be able to stay home, but for now Gracelin is in an in-home day care. She loves the interaction and socialization with the other children. On more than one occasion, people have commented to me on how social she is. People also tell me all the time that she is really calm and laid-back.
I hope to keep this blog fairly current to track the changes and growth of our little family (yes - I did say growth! Dh and I are already considering TTC #2! Did I also mention that I turn 30 this year? My biological clock is ticking!)
Gracelin Jayne was born 4 weeks early at 6 pounds 2 ounces and 19 inches long after 17 hours of labor. She had a full head of blonde hair that stuck up all over her head. Unfortunately my illnesses and her early birth day affected her health, and she spent her first few days in the NICU. When she did come home, it was with oxygen, an apnea monitor, and bili lights. Our home looked much like the NICU, but our girl was home.
Gracie is such a joy. She rarely cries and smiles constantly. I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old, and she started sleeping tbrough the night the first day I went back. What an angel!
I work as a city planner and DH is a corporate credit underwriter. I hope some day to be able to stay home, but for now Gracelin is in an in-home day care. She loves the interaction and socialization with the other children. On more than one occasion, people have commented to me on how social she is. People also tell me all the time that she is really calm and laid-back.
I hope to keep this blog fairly current to track the changes and growth of our little family (yes - I did say growth! Dh and I are already considering TTC #2! Did I also mention that I turn 30 this year? My biological clock is ticking!)
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