Dear "anonymous"

In response to the blog entry I wrote last week about taking a day off, someone left the following comment:

You're always talking about wanting to be a stay at home mom, and how you want more time with your kids. But you sure jumped at the chance to send them off to daycare and stay home alone!

This comment bothered me so much, that I feel compelled to defend myself. First and foremost, I do love my children. And, given the choice I would want to be a stay at home mom. They are definitely the most important thing to me. I do feel guilty though that my kids have to go to daycare. In fact, when I'm not at work I'm with them about 99% of the time. They have never had a babysitter, other than the occasional time that Grandma watches them. But those times are not very often.

I also try and spend as quality one-on-one time with my kids as much as possible. I read to them every day. I also try to teach them something new every day. My girls love to color, so we also try to have creative time. We sing and dance while we make dinner and do chores so that they are having fun. I feed my kids healthy meals, and make sure they're getting physical activity on a daily basis. I actually think I'm a great mom, and my children are very kind, well-behaved (as much as a 1 and 3-year old can be), intelligent, and well-adjusted.

That being said, I am human. And right now, I am under an inordinate amount of stress. There's so much to do that I'm averaging 5 hours of sleep per night. I'm the primary bread-winner right now, which is a huge burden. I'm also the only one who does any cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. around the house. I am the primary care-giver. My husband does help out with the kids, but a good portion of their care also falls upon me. I do all of the budgeting and finances. I do all of the grocery shopping and meal planning. And I'm sure I could add about 20 other things to this list, but I think you get the point. There just isn't enough time in the day to get done all the things that I need to do.

I'm not trying to create a pity-party for myself, nor am I trying to say that I'm any busier or any better than the next person. What I am trying to say is that I am just about stretched as far as I can go, and some days the stress is almost more than I can handle.

I suppose I have been selfish lately though, because I do try to run or do some other form of physical exercise every day. I see this as "my time", and its something I cherish. Usually it means either working out on my lunch break from work, exercising after everyone else has gone to bed, or getting up at 4:15 am to fit it all in. The only real sacrifice has been my own sleep, although daddy has helped out occasionally when I've needed to fit a long run in.

But I'm exhausted - physically and emotionally. So, last week when I took my kids to daycare so I could have a "me" day, it really was something I needed. I needed to have some alone time, and not have to focus on the 1 million things that needed my attention. I needed to take a bath and a nap. I just needed a break from my life for a few hours. Is that too much to ask?

I don't feel guilty. Not one bit. This is the first time in my life that I have ever taken my kids to daycare to just go home and do something by myself. Before you judge me, please take the time to understand who I am. I do not work because I want to - I work because I have to. Maybe sometimes I act like I want to work (and honestly I do like my job so it isn't all bad). But I do not have the luxury of being married to a man who can support his family. In the 6 years that I've been married to him, he's held 9 different jobs. Sometimes I focus on the positive (like thinking that I choose to work) instead of wallowing in my own self-pity for the fact that I simply cannot be what I truly want to be - a stay at home mommy.

My interview questions

I enjoyed reading Tiburon's interview questions so much that I asked her to provide me a list of my own.  (I'd love to link to her blog, but since I email my posts from work, I can't ever get the link to work.  She's Shark Bait in my blog roll)  If anyone is interested in participating in their own interview, send me a request and I'll interview you. 

 

Some of these took lots of thought:

 

1. I know that you work - what EXACTLY do you do?

I work as a city planner for a local municipality.  To say EXACTLY what I do would take hours, but here's a brief rundown:

·       Represent the City at Planning Commission meetings - I prepare the reports, do the presentation, and answer questions.

·       Meet with the public and/or developers regarding development applications, zoning questions, new businesses, etc (ie.  If someone wants to do a subdivision, I help them through the process - start to finish)  I spend a lot of time on the phone.

·       License all the in-home businesses.

·       Make maps (love this part of my job)

·       Assign all the addresses to new subdivisions (and any associated changes)

·       Research and prepare drafts to amend the Code.

·       Work with the census to prepare updates to their maps, and provide new addresses.  This is a huge job, being that our city has tripled in size in the past 10 years.

·       Right now I am also on a regional planning group's technical advisory committee.

 

2. How did you get started running?

One thing I never was growing up, is athletic.  In fact, from about ages 10-13, I was the antithesis of athleticism:  fat and out of shape.  I had asthma and bad knees, and used that as an excuse.  I hated running more than anything else.  In gym class, I would take a doctor's note so that I didn't have to participate in the Presidential Fitness Test mile run. 

 

But then I grew up.  I found some medicine to control my asthma and I had surgery on both my knees.  Suddenly I realized that I liked physical activities.  I started backpacking, and learned to snow and waterski.  But, I was still afraid of running.

 

After I had Brynlee, I was tired of being overweight and out of shape.  One day at work I googled "beginner's running plan" and found the couch to 5k in 9 weeks plan on coolrunning dot com.  It is a simple walk/jog program that I started doing immediately.  I've stuck with it, and never looked back.  Someday after a good run, I feel like I could conquer anything.

 

3. What is your worst childhood memory?

Hmmm - this is a tough one.  I think I had a pretty great childhood.  Probably the worst thing I remember is actually related to question #2 - that dreaded Presidential Fitness Test.  They also tested our body fat with calipers, and I remember that I was the fattest girl in the 5^th grade.  In fact, I clearly remember how much I weighed that day - and it isn't much less than I weigh today.  I lost a lot of weight over that summer, and thankfully was skinny all though high school.

 

4. What is your most embarrassing moment?

I actually don't get too embarrassed (luckily too, because I'm pretty ungraceful in social situations).  Probably the worst thing I can remember also dates back to 5^th grade.  I was in a new school, after having just moved from Utah to Kentucky.  In the middle of class, I sneezed and farted at the same time (isn't that called a snart?).  At any rate, the entire class heard.  And I was new (and obviously the fattest kid).  Everyone laughed, and I wanted to crawl under my desk and die.

 

5. Did you go to college? Where? What is your degree in? (ok that is 3 questions - but they are related)

Yes,  I graduated from B*Y*U in 1998 with a degree in Planning and Resource Management (imagine that!  I actually work in the field I graduated in) and a minor in English.  My initial plan was to work for a year and then go to law school.  I had even taken the LSAT, and based upon my scores had scholarship offers.  But, in the mean time, I got an offer from the city where I'm still working, and I've been here ever since.  Eventually I would like to go back to school - either for a law degree or MPA.  Maybe someday . . .

 

This was fun.  Thanks Tib!

 

My favorite time of year

This morning when I woke up, the air was cold and crisp – the thermostat on the car said 42 degrees, and I had to dig out jackets for the girls to wear. There was a fine dusting of snow on the peaks of the mountains. My beautiful purple-robed honey locust tree is just starting to show the faintest hint of yellow. On the way to work, I saw a flock of geese headed south. There’s no denying it – summer is over – and I couldn’t be happier about it. I love the change of seasons, but most especially the change from summer to fall. I’m really not a warm weather person. I much prefer sweater and soup weather to shorts and snowcones. In fact, sometimes I think I have seasonal affective disorder in the summer, because nothing makes me more depressed than day upon day of clear, blue skies and hot, sunny weather (something we have an abundance of here – I know that I’m crazy). I actually get cheery when it’s gloomy and gray outside.

I think that my girls are catching on too. G right now is obsessed with the weather and seasons, and can hardly wait for the snow to fall (I think part of that is her excitement for a new, pink, fur-lined parka that I bought her at the end of last season). We really need to find a way this weekend to go for a drive in the mountains before the leaves are all gone, because once it really snows up there, the leaves will be gone for good.

There’s no way I could live somewhere that doesn’t have seasons. How boring would that be?

Taking a "mental health" day

I get great benefits at work - including more time off than most people.  I have 12 paid holidays, 12 paid sick days, and this year I get 19 vacation days (it goes up one day a year now).  I also can bank my overtime hours, and either use them as time off or cash-out (and get a big, fat check).  Oh - and did I mention that I work 4 10-hour days, so I get a 3-day weekend every week?  But no where in all this wonderful time, do I have a day off for my mental health.  And being that my life has been so stressful lately, I have really been needing such a day.  So, I did just that yesterday (disguised as a vacation day of course).

 

My intentions for the day were actually two-fold.  Obviously, my first goal was just to have a day to myself.  A day to do what I wanted - without a (wonderfully adorable) child tugging on my pant leg asking to be held.  A day without trying to please anyone.  A day to just be alone.  My second goal was to complete my last long run before the (rapidly approaching) marathon.  I knew that if I didn't get it in, it would be too close to the race to try again.

 

So, Ben took the girls to daycare, and I stayed home.  I had a leisurely breakfast and then donned my running gear.  The night before, I had plotted out my course on map my run dot com.  My plan was to run a 15 mile course up a near-by canyon and then back down.  It was cold when I started out at 7:30, and I was glad I'd chosen a long-sleeved shirt.  I didn't push it, especially since the first half of the run was all up hill.  When I needed to walk, I walked.  I took along some shot blocks too, and tried to space them out as best as possible.  At one point as I was running up the narrow canyon road, a deer ran out just a few feet in front of me.  I stopped running, so as not to scare him.  He stood in the road and watched me for awhile before bounding up the side of the mountain.  I actually reached my turn-around point much more quickly than I'd thought - and the rest was all downhill.  I ran almost the entire way.  At around mile 14, my knee started to bother me, so I alternated walking/running for the last mile and change.  I also decided to blow off the last 5 DM miles, so as not to make my knee feel worse.  (I think I made the right decision too, because I feel so much better today)

 

I am still really nervous for St George in 2 weeks, but I do at least feel like I'll be able to complete the marathon.  I'm sure that I'll hurt and be sore for 2 weeks.  But I'm confident that (baring some major catastrophe) I should be just fine.

 

Anyway . . . back to yesterday.  After my run, I came home and took an ice bath followed by a shower.  At this point, it was just after 11am, and I had the rest of the day to myself.  I ate some lunch, and then some more lunch (hey, running that much makes me really hungry - it was all healthy food at least).  I took a nap.  I surfed the net.  I watched Hostel (that I DVRed months ago).  I went grocery shopping.  I cooked dinner.  I even did some laundry.  It was so wonderful and relaxing to finally have a day to do what I wanted, when I wanted. 

 

Ahhhhh!  I think I'm going to be scheduling more of these "mental health" days!

My top 5

The other night, I went to dinner with some girlfriends. We got to talking about who we thought the hottest celebs were. And because I have nothing better to blog about at the moment, here's my top 5:


#5 - George Clooney. So sexy and sophisticated. I wouldn't be a good girl from Cincy if I didn't like him either


#4 - Heath Ledger - this sexy Aussie makes me weak in the knees. Yummy!

#3 - Matthew McConaughey - Ok, I know that he's kind of a jerk. But check out those abs!

#2 - Matt Damon. Besides being an utter hottie, he seems like such a real person.

#1 - Brad Pitt. I've been having fantasies about this man since Thelma and Louise. And now that he's such a devoted father, he's got to be #1 on my list!

He got a job!

I'm too excited to think of a more creative title. Here's the story:

On Friday, I was dutifully doing my visiting teaching (when Mormon women pair up and visit other women, bringing treats and an uplifting/inspirational message). We were at the home of one of my neighbors (a luxury of living in Utah - you go to church with your neighbors because 90% of them are LDS). I was asking her about the company she works for because Ben had applied there for a position and I wanted to know more about it. She told me a bit, and it sounded like a pretty crappy job. I was unimpressed. But then the girl that I VT with asked what Ben does. She said that her husband works for a company that is hiring several positions, and that Ben should give them a call.

That night when Ben got home from work, I told him about the prospect, and he called the husband about the job. They set up an interview for Monday morning at 9am.

Ben showed up to the interview this morning. He was there for about 2 hours, but they offered him the job on the spot as a credit analyst/underwriter. He starts in 2 weeks. His pay will be significantly less than what he was making before the lay-off - but its lots more than unemployment. Besides, the benefits are good and the company seems to have lots of potential for future growth. Its such a relief to actually have him with a job too.

Just another day at the office

This morning when G woke up, she asked me what today is - just like she does every day. I told her that it is Tuesday - daycare day - then she proceeded to melt into the floor in a puddle of sobs. She's never behaved this way before, so I was obviously concerned about what brought upon this overly dramatic reaction. I asked her why she didn't want to go to daycare.

Her resonse was priceless. Something like "I got a new teacher Miss A and then H didn't want to play with me 'cause she wanted to play with B instead and when I asked if they would play with me they just said 'na na na na na' and laughed and ran away and so I cried and then I got bit by a dragon on my finger but don't tell anyone because that is our secret"

I was heartbroken. As difficult as leaving my kids in daycare is for me, I've always found solace in the fact that they seemed to enjoy it there. This was the first I'd heard of them not wanting to go - but it did explain why yesterday when I picked the girls up, G had spent the day telling everyone that this was her last day at daycare.

I would have given anything to take the day off, and spend it spoiling my girls. In fact, not to long ago I would have done just that. But given the fact that I've taken 5 days off in the past 2 weeks due to sick children, and that I have a big presentation to prepare, I needed to be at work. Daddy had a job interview too, so he couldn't stay home all day either. The girls needed to go to daycare.

But I made a deal with G: I told her that if she would be a big girl and go to daycare with her sister, I would pick her up when the babies went upstairs at 8:00 am. I told her that Bryn would cry if G wasn't there to make her feel good, so she just needed to wait until Bryn went up to the baby room, and then she could come spend some time with me at my office.

I left the office at exactly 8:00 and was at daycare at 8:04. G was standing at the gate crying for me. I heard her asking why her mommy wasn't there yet. When she saw me, her face lightened up, and she stopped crying. I took her back to work with me, where she sat at the other side of my desk. She drew pictures while I made slides for a presentation. I have 2 waterbottles that I fill up at the cooler every day, and I took her to fill a bottle. One of my coworkers gave her some candy, and she was in heaven.

Here's the happy girl and her candy.
Showing me her red tongue (why do kids love to do this?)
After she was finished drawing, she had to redecorate my office. This is the "shrine" that she organized. I wish the camera picked up her pictures better. She's starting to draw pictures that actually resemble something, and she drew the cutest picture of daddy - complete with his spikey hair.

After about an hour and a half, she was ready to go back to daycare. She happily went in and sat down next to H was they were reading a story. She doesn't know it yet, but after naps, Daddy is coming to pick her up and take her to the park.

**Note in my picture the lovely decor of my office. Yes - I do have my own big office with a desk and a door that shuts. And I have my own big window that looks out to the street right at tire level to all the passing cars. And the carpet is orange. The walls are orange. The wood trim is orange (see the theme). It really is sick in here. But the door shuts.

My own fat march

Ok - I'm not the biggest TV watcher there is - especially cheesy reality shows. But I do DVR some of my favorites and watch them while I'm on the dreadmill (it really helps to pass the time). A few weeks ago, I'd made it through all my cache of shows (summer break I guess) so I was channel surfing. I came across Fat March - I'm not sure why the show caught my eye, but it did. The show is about 12 overweight people who have to walk from Boston to Washington DC - a distance of over 500 miles. Every one of these people was at least 100 pounds overweight at the beginning of the march. Talk about motivation for me while I was running. I immediately set the DVR to record all new episodes.

Last night was the season finale. On one of the last days of the march, they had to walk a marathon - 26.2 miles. Every one of them finished the entire distance, and the fastest woman did it in just over 7 hours. This is a woman who was at least 100 pounds overweight, and she walked a marathon in 7 hours.

What am I worried about?

I have 6 hours to complete the marathon, but I do plan on running a good majority of it. And it really is mostly downhill - see the lovely elevation map:

I'm going to be fine. It was comforting to hear that Rachel (Operation Rosebud) hadn't run more than 14.something prior to hers. I've still yet to run more than 13 miles. This past Saturday I tried to run 15, but I still felt really sick and lethargic. At one point I had to sprint to an appropriately placed restroom, as it was becomming difficult to run with my cheeks squeezed together. I only ended up doing 7 miles - but I did those 7 miles without stopping (unless I count the pit stop and my warm-up/warm-down) and I ran them fairly fast (for me) in just under an hour and a half. I'm not entirely sure, since I've stopped worrying about my time. Right now I just focus on mileage - no matter how long it takes.

I am getting anxious, but I think I'll be just fine. I have been working hard (although I make it sound like I've been a slacker) and I know I'll be proud of myself.

Hair cuts!

So, lately I've let my hair get a bit too long. I really haven't known what to do with it, so I've done nothing. Its gotten really long though - pretty much unmanagable. I think because my mom felt sorry for me (with the whole crappiness of our lives lately) that she suprised me by making an appointment for a hair cut - all expenses paid. On Saturday, I headed over for the appointment. I told the girl that I really didn't even care how she cut it - that I just needed to get some lenght off and to have an "updated" cut that was easy to style. Here's the before pictures (that are crappy because Ben didn't want to get off the couch and miss more of some stupid football game than he had to). See how long it was in the back.
Here's the front picutre - again, just about the more horrible picture of myself that there ever was.
Here's the front view of the after view. She didn't style it at all. I'm sure once I mess around with it and fix it a bit my hair will look so cute.
Here's the back view. She took so much hair off - I think about 9 inches. But I love it. My hair grows so quickly though - it will be long again before I know it.

Gracelin loved my new hair. She told me that I looked prettier than she ever thought I could - she didn't even think I was her mommy. She decided that she wanted to get her hair cut too. She's only ever had one hair cut in her entire life, and that was almost 18 months ago. Her hair was really long and in desperate need of cutting. But, since we're poor right now, and couldn't justify paying for a hair cut, we decided that we'd donate her hair. Great Clips will cut your hair for free if you donate to Locks of Love - but it takes a minimum donation of 10 inches to do that. Gracelin didn't care though - she loved the thought that her hair was going to help a little girl who didn't have any hair of her own.

So, off we went.

Here's the before pics:
And here's the after pics. I really wish I'd taken a camera to the salon, because G was oh-so cute. There was a man in there who was flirting with her, calling her a princess and such, and she was eating it all up. We decided to do a low-maintenance A-line cut, and it really suits her face shape. She's gorgous. After her cut, she had to call Aunt Jen, Grandma and Daddy to tell them she had a secret for them. She wanted to wait and tell them how cute she was, but couldn't help but blurt it out on the phone. She told Grandma that she looked like a 6-year-old!

The front view - so sophisticated!
Here's the back view. She loves how it feels, and keeps touching her hair.
This one is just for cuteness - aren't my girls precious!

I've been tagged - again

Rachel from Operation Rosebud has tagged me in the middle name game.

 

Here's the rules:

1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.

2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of their middle name. If you don't have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.

3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.

4. At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

 

So here's mine:

 

My middle name is Laura

 

L - is for that I love:  my family, my friends, my country

A - is for achievement:  I am an overachiever

U - is for uncomfortable:  I am quite uncomfortable in many social situations.  I tend to become insecure when I'm around lots of people.

R - is for reading:  I love reading, only I don't have much time right now to do it.

A - is for action:  I am the opposite of a "home body".  I love to be on the go all of the time.

 

Ok - now I suppose I have to tag 5 people for the 5 letters in my middle name.  Hmmmm.  I'm feeling the love for my Venus Sisters, so how about Tiburon and Chelsea.  And Kari, you're also tagged because you were the last person to email me.  Kriss, you were the last person to comment in my GB, so you're on the list.  And Kristina, you're also it for no apparent reason. 

 

Have fun girls!

momentary freak-out

So, I just looked at the calendar.  Today is September 6 - exactly one full month away from October 6 - which just so happens to be the day I am running the marathon.

 

Holy crap.

 

My did time fly this summer.  I've been a slacker too.  5 months ago, I sat down and carefully charted out a schedule of runs.  My schedule had 3-4 "short" runs per week, with a long run on the weekend.  I carefully stepped up each week as not to go over 10% distance from the week before.  I also planned to increase for 2 weeks, and then drop back for 1 (kind of a 2 steps forward, 1 step back approach).  My goals were to slowly build on the mileage and to avoid injury.  I spent hours on this chart, and for the first month of training I followed it like it was gospel.

 

And then I promptly forgot it.

 

Since then, I've been great about my short runs.  In fact, I'm averaging about 20 miles per week of running.  My body is in shape - I have lost weight and I'm looking so much better.  But the longest I've run is 13 miles.

 

I have run 13 miles several times, and can comfortably run that distance with no pain and no soreness the following day.  If I was running a half marathon, I'd be set.  Problem is, I'm running 26.2 miles, which by the way, is a hell of a long way.  Drive it in your car if you don't believe me.  Try just walking it.  I guarantee that the average person would have a difficult time even walking 26.2 miles - let alone running that far.  In the mountains.  In the heat.

 

I'm going to die - or embarrass myself.  Or both.  What was I thinking?

 

I'm just telling myself that there is no shame in walking.  I'll just do what I can.  This weekend I'll run 15, and then next weekend I'll do a 20.  After that, my last 2 weeks are taper, so running will be easy those last 2 weeks.  But hey: if I do finish it, I'll be a marathoner.  How cool would that be.

Can I just complain about my crappy life for a minute?

UGH! When it rains, it pours. For the longest time, I've been feeling like my life was going along fairly status quo. Pretty boring and uneventful. I guess everything was waiting to happen to us all at once.

This post is pretty negative - I'll have to warn everyone right up front. The last week of my life has pretty much sucked, but writing about it is cathartic. So I'm feeling compelled to write it all down for posterity. I just don't know where to begin. . .

maybe with my kids. The last entry I wrote was about my poor sick Bryn, who I assumed was suffering from a bad reaction to her vaccination. Well, that changed. After 2 straight weeks of diarrhea, vomiting and high fevers I finally took her to the doctor - who diagnosed her with cryptosporidiosis. From the CDC website:

Cryptosporidiosis is a diarrheal disease caused by microscopic parasites of the genus Cryptosporidium. Once an animal or person is infected, the parasite lives in the intestine and passes in the stool. The parasite is protected by an outer shell that allows it to survive outside the body for long periods of time and makes it very resistant to chlorine- based disinfectants. Both the disease and the parasite are commonly known as "crypto."
Cryptosporidium lives in the intestine of infected humans or animals. Millions of crypto germs can be released in a bowel movement from an infected human or animal. Consequently, Cryptosporidium is found in soil, food, water, or surfaces that have been contaminated with infected human or animal feces. If a person swallows the parasite they become infected.
The most common symptom of cryptosporidiosis is watery diarrhea. Other symptoms include:

• Dehydration
• Weight loss
• Stomach cramps or pain
• Fever
• Nausea
• Vomiting

Some people with crypto will have no symptoms at all. While the small intestine is the site most commonly affected , Cryptosporidium infections could possibly affect other areas of the digestive or the respiratory tract .

There's been such a huge crypto outbreak this year, that all public pools are closed to children under 5 until the end of the summer. I've been home with sick kids for almost 2 full weeks. Gracelin hasn't had it too bad - just the occasional run to the bathroom and a couple of puke sessions. Poor Bryn though has been miserable: multiple messy diapers a day, no appetite, lots of puke, and she's gotten so skinny. Bryn's been a bear too - she's become such a mommy's girl that not even daddy can't help her. She cries almost constantly and wakes multiple times in the night. Last night she cried for almost an hour before she fell asleep, and then was up about 3 times. She hasn't had diarrhea in 3 days, so I took her to daycare today. I HAVE to work (more on that in a minute). She cried and cried when I left her. I actually think I'm going to call in a few minutes and make sure that she is ok. It broke my heart to leave her because she obviously isn't feeling well still.

And of course I got sick too. I've had symptoms more akin to what G's experienced, so its been manageable. But the fever and aches have been enough to make me miserable.

In the midst of all this horrible sickness, Ben lost his job. He'd been working for a real estate investment company. Obviously its not a good time for real estate, and several employees (including Ben) were "let go" last week - with no warning and no severance. (I could type a whole post about how low and dirty I think that is, but I'll refrain) So, the poor guy has been networking his butt off, trying to find something. We're seriously considering having him stay at home with the girls, and do some type of job at nights. I've even found a job that pays almost $2000 a month more than I'm making now. I've got my resume ready, and Ben is going to drop it off for me. I know we'll be ok. After the whole shock and horror of it all, I've had a calm peace about things. But it sure does suck!

Then yesterday I got a call that my 6 year old nephew was in ICU. The poor kid and his brothers have been through so much lately. (I haven't felt right about posting their plight on the web, but its bad) Over the weekend, he had a bad asthma attack that couldn't be controlled at home. So he went to the ER. The medication opened his airways and created something called respiratory mis-match. He went into respiratory arrest and nearly died. If he hadn't already been at the hospital he probably would have died.

Oh - and my mom also dropped the bombshell that she an my dad are talking about getting divorced. My father-in-law has cancer. The grass in my front yard is dying. A huge rock hit my windshield and it needs to be replaced. Blah. Blah. Blah.

I do feel though that we're all going to be ok. The stress is draining me, and I'm exhausted. But I am confident that we'll be ok.

Thanks for letting me complain!