Giving Thanks

Today was a good day. Grace has been sick, and woke up really early this morning. Despite having a fever all day, she was such a good girl. She helped me make some pies, and then we watched the Macy's parade - all while Bryn ran around like her crazy self. Daddy came home from football, and got the girls down for a nap while I ran (or tried to - I'm still sick myself).

After naps, we went to have dinner with my mom, sister, and brother-in-law. Although it was a small group, we still made the same amount of food: turkey, potatoes, stuffing, sweet potato caserole, corn pudding, green beans, and home-made rolls. Everything was delicious. Probably because no expense was spared for the sake of calories. We added up the sticks of butter used in dinner, and just thinking about it made my arteries clog. But it was good.

My kids are strange though - they don't like mashed potatoes. Seriously, what kid doesn't like mashed potatoes? In fact, they didn't like anything except the rolls and chocolate pies. They will each eat a cup of salsa when we serve it, but they won't eat turkey and potatoes.

After dinner, we helped my mom set up her 14 foot Christmas tree. G wanted to sing carols, so I played some songs on the piano while we all sang. G's favorite is We Wish You A Merry Christmas, and she asked to sing it over and over - I think because she knows all the words. Even Bryn loved the "chris-chris lights".

On the way home, G told me that she was thankful for Grandma and Aunt Jen (my sister), and that the best part of her day was the turkey she got to eat, even if she spit it all out. Ha ha. What a sweet and funny girl.

I refuse to not blog

Its after 11pm and I'm tired. I made pumpkin pie from scratch (a real pumpkin) tonight, which I planned to blog about. But I'm too tired now to post. I'll have to do a double post tomorrow. Ben stayed in G's room all night. I went in 3 different times, thinking he just fell asleep, but finally he told me to just leave him alone. He is mad at me about something, but I'm not sure what. He's given me the silent treatment all week, and the fact that he's avoiding me only makes me realize it must be serious. I just can't figure out what it is. Some days I just long for a partner who will communicate with me, instead of hiding out from his feelings and the possibility of a confrontation.

But I'm too tired for all of that tonight. I promose a better blog entry tomorrow.

Revised workout schedule

I've been so faithful with my workouts lately. I have such a great schedule: after the girls get to bed, I head to the basment to the treadmill. I turn the DVR on, and run. I feel like I'm multi-tasking by keeping up with all the good shows while getting my exercise. The problem is, my workouts are becoming more and more monotanous, and I'm finding them more difficult to get through. Instead of feeling like I'm getting in better shape, my legs feel like lead and I'm finding it more difficult to get run.

I'm wondering if maybe I'm not overtraining a bit. Maybe my body wasn't meant to run every day. So, I think I'm going to revise my schedule a bit. Here's what I'm going to try:

Monday - 60 minute run
Tues - weight train/cross train (swim, bike, walk)
Wed - 60 minute run
Thurs - swim
Friday - 60 minute run
Sat - long run
Sun - rest

Oh - and after Thursday, I'm back on a sugar fast. Wish me luck. I'd like to lose 20 more pounds, and be in shape to run a 1/2 marathon in April.

Aftermath

Well, I went. For those of you who know the geography of the area, the job is for the county located in the most northern part of the state. It took me just under 2 hours to get there, and I'd budgeted 3. I had time to stop at Subway and browse the bookstore (looking for that book G wants from Santa).

I was still a few minutes early to the interview, but I went in, just in case it was difficult to find. The office is a beautiful restored historic building, and the office was simple to find. The secretary handed me a list of questions, a yellow lined notepad and a pen, with the instructions that I had 30 minutes to complete the questionaire. There were only 5 questions, and fairly simple to answer, but I felt like I'd been given a pop-quiz and I was unprepared. Those 30 minutes flew by.

I was called into the interview, and immedately felt like a child. The interview panel was much more "mature" than I was. 3 of the members were mayors of towns I'd be working with, and I could almost read their thoughts: wondering if I wasn't interviewing for the secretary position instead. I felt very young. They asked me all the questions I'd prepared answers to beforehand, as well as some additional ones - which really threw me off guard. Other than having no budgetary experience, I felt very confident that I am qualified for the position. But I left the interview feeling as if no one in the room took me seriously. I'm pretty sure I'm not the person they were looking for. I caught a glimpse of the gentleman going in before me. He had grey hair and wrinkles - definitely the person they're looking for.

Oh well - at a minimum, it was good practice interviewing.

I came home and had my best run in weeks. I only did 2 miles, but I felt strong and good. And I ran at an incline.

Last minute jitters?

I've got a job interview tomorrow, and I'm trying to talk myself out of it. For some reason I just "feel" like I shouldn't go. It is about a 3 hour drive. I'll take the girls to daycare, run to the interview, and be home in time to pick them up again. Bryn is still sick - in fact she's got a fever right now. So maybe my hesitation is going so far away when my sweet girl is sick. There really isn't anyone else to watch her, and I do worry a bit if she needs to go home during the day.

I do think too that part of it is that the job is a stretch - I'm really not fully qualified. I applied anyway because it would be a great opportunity though. Maybe I just feel like I'm wasting my time.

Oh well - I'll still probably go

Just hear the sleigh bells jingle . . .

Can it really be the holidays already? Maybe its because the weather has been so unseasonably warm, but it hardly seems time for Thanksgiving. And then Christmas is right around the corner.

Tonight I went to a holiday sale with my mom and sister. It was crazy, all the holiday stuff. I guess I'm a bit of a bah-humbug, because I really don't like decorating for the holidays. It just seems like too much work. I do like shopping though, and I get my shopping done early every year. In fact, I'm already "technically" done. (one can never be "officially" done, just in case something comes along that must be bought)

I do think I've done a great job this year. We draw names in both families, and those gifts have long been purchased. I'm so excited for the karaoke machine we got for my sister and her hubby. And for the pair of Keene's that I saved up all summer to buy for Ben. But the gift I'm most excited for is the one Santa is bringing my girls: a giant box full of dress up items. I've been slowing adding stuff all year. There are princess dresses, shoes, tiaras, fairy wings, and so much more. The girls will be in heaven.

My mom told me tonight that G is expecting one more gift. She was reading a princess book with G'ma early tonight when we stopped by for dinner. She asked my mom if she could take the book home, and she'd bring it back on Christmas day because Santa was going to bring her one of her own. So I guess I need to start looking for a princess book. (see, I just said that I"m never done)

I take it back!

Ok- did I say that having a sick husband is the worst thing ever? I'm not sure that I actually said it out loud, or if I just though it. Regardless, I take it back. Being sick myself and having Bryn sick is waaaaayy worse. She's a whiney monster. Speak of the devil, she's crying. . . better go.

Now the post where everyone thinks I'm crazy

I think I may have MS. I have some weird things going on with me health-wise lately, that I have been ignoring. Today I sat at work trying to type, and realized that my fingers were numb - again. Add that to the fatigue, headaches, dizziness, blurry vision, passing out and diminished ability to run fast, so I decided to do a quick google search for some of my symptoms. Lo and behold, they all add up to MS. Now y'all should know me well enough to realize that I really don't think I have MS, but I do suppose there is the possiblity someting is wrong with me - other than being sleep-deprived and stressed. (although it makes more sense that the latter is the culprit) But I think I've convinced myself that I should see the doctor next week. Maybe on Tuesday, after my job interview of course.

I did take today off from working out, and celebrated by eating a huge Cafe Rio salad and part of a peanut butter cookie (yes, I am allergic to peanuts). I skipped my swim for many reasons; partially because I wasn't feeling up to it, partially because my arms are sore from lifting weights yesterday, but mainly because my hair looked really cute today and I didn't want to ruin it by getting it wet in the pool.

So tomorrow will be a nice, hard run. And then I'll feel silly for posting this hypochondriac nonsense.

Life isn't fair

Some woman have been blessed with great genes. Not me - I'm inclined to be fat. Despite my best efforts (and believe me, I do try) I think that I'm destined to be a big girl. Don't get me wrong - I'm not fat by any stretch. But I'll never be thin. And I contantly have to worry about my weight.

I do work out quite a bit. Since the marathon, my typical routine is to run 4 times a week, for a total of about 15 miles. Then, I try to either swim or walk 2 other days during the week, with one rest day. I've also been trying to get to the gym to lift weights twice a week. In fact today, I went for 30 minutes before I picked up the girls. My arm are killing me as I try to type.

I am in good shape. In fact, I refer to myself as "fat but fit". I do think I'm in better physical shape than my exterior would lead one to believe.

The problem is food. Its my nemesis. I love to eat. Luckily, I do love healthy foods (for the most part - I do have weaknesses). But even too many healthy foods is a bad thing. I think that I'm destined for a life of always feeling like I'm missing out on foods and always worried about skipping a workout. Life isn't fair.

Job interview

I had a job interview today. It was for a position that I applied for almost 3 months ago - right after Ben lost his job. My initial motivation in applying for the job was to find something that payed enough for Ben to be able to stay at home with the girls. I honestly went into the interview not expecting much. A developer friend told me last week that this was the worst City he works with. I actually contemplated cancelling the interview.

But I was pleasantly suprised. I really felt at east during the interview, and liked the panel of interviewers. It seemed like a great place to work. I found myself leaving the interview hoping that I would get an offer.

Then I got back to my current job. There has been lots of political turmoil lately, and today was an especially bad day. I've always been happy working there, but today I considered the fact that my position there may be short-lived. And it didn't seem so bad. I know the grass isn't always greener, but it did seem nice today.

Ben is still sick too. He has to go back to work tomorrow, because he's been taking time off without pay. His "job" right now sucks, and I don't think he'd be too disappointed to have to leave.

Time to eat some crow

Ben and I have both been sick for the past few days, and quite frankly he's been annoying me. He's been moping around the house for days, and its made me feel like he didn't understand that that I felt sick too. He called in sick to work today, and it had no sympathy. I really just thought that he was being a baby and I wanted to tell him to buck up.

By this afternoon, he asked me to take him to Instacare. Although I was sure he just had the same virus I've been suffering with, I obliged him. We got there at about 4:30, and he got called right back. I waited in the waiting room with the girls. After a few minutes, I heard one of the nurses yell that he needed help, because someone had passed out. I immediately knew that it was Ben. They had been trying to give him an IV because he was so dehydrated, and he passed out.

The doctor agreed that Ben was really sick. They did chest x-rays, blood work, and gave him 2 IVs. But, after 3 hours, they determined he must just have a virus and sent us home.

More tantrums

Satan descended upon our household today in the form of my sweet daughter. One minute Brynlee was just fine, but the next she decided that she didn't want her shower tonight. The only explanation I have is that she was overly tired and not feeling well. And I dared to try and wash the shampoo from her hair. She screamed, held her breath, turned purple, and then vomited. I took her out, wrapped her in a towel, and took her to the bed to get her dressed in her PJs. She continued to scream and then started throwing up again. She was lying on her back, and the puke shot straight up into the air. So that she didn't aspirate, I sat her up as she continued to scream. I expected her head to turn around - I swear she was possessed.

I cleaned her up and dressed her. Then I wrapped her in her favorite blanket and took her outside onto the porch. It was cold outside and raining fairly hard - and just the distraction she needed. Just as quickly as the tantrum came on, it was over. We rocked in her room, read stories and sang songs. She asked to go to sleep, and didn't even cry.

I am not sure what to do about her tantrums. She is so strong-willed, and some days is completely unreasonable.

Lazy day

I refuse to not post every day. But today, I really don't have a good idea of what to write about. We had a pretty uneventful day: gymnastics, followed by a trip to Costco. Then lunch and naps. After naps, Gracelin helped me make some homemade chipotle salsa. We grilled the peppers and tomatoes on the grill, and pulled weeds while it cooked. The recipe called for 6 small peppers, and I think the ones I used were too big, because the salsa was really spicy. We even added 6 more tomatoes, but it was still really hot. The girls didn't seem to mind though, and they gobbled it up. It was too spicy for my sister and brother-in-law, but each girl ate about a cup of the stuff with tasty organic blue corn chips. Even now as I type, my fingers are still burning. But they loved it.

Dinner was spanish rice, enchiladas and lots of salsa. Then we had baths, and played hide and seek. We read stories, sang songs, and now the girls are fast asleep while we watch the Jazz game. It was a good day.

Five for Friday

I'm going to steal Me and My Guys great idea. In the spirit of November, every Friday I will post 5 things that I am grateful for:

1. I am grateful for the nice weather we've been having. Today was such a beautiful day. We spent almost 3 hours at the park, and didn't even need coats.

2. I am grateful for my kids. My kids are amazing. I am so blessed to be a mommy to two (almost) perfect little sweeties. I do need to be nicer to them though. Today Gracelin told me that when she grows up, she's going to be a nice mommy. That made me feel badly.

3. I am grateful for my job. I am blessed to have a good job with good benefits, so that I can support my family.

4. I am grateful for my health. This week, my coworker's husband had emergency surgery because they found out he had cancer. They removed 15 tumors from his abdomen. I am so blessed to be healthy, and able to keep up with my kids.

5. I am grateful to be American. Sometimes I get so sad when I think of the conditions that most of the world is living in. I am so grateful to have my freedoms.

Passing out, swimming and job interviews (not all at the same time thankfully)

I passed out this morning. Nothing like that has ever happened to me - it was the strangest thing. I woke up with my alarm, but was so tired that I decided to hit "snooze" for 10 more minutes. G must have heard the alarm though, because she came into my room a couple of minutes later, asking for toast. So, I got out of bed to go help her. I felt fine until I reached the doorway - and that is when things started to spin. I got dizzy and my knees buckled. I fell to the floor, and layed there about a minute until I could stand back up. I felt fine afterwards though.

I'm hoping it was just a fluke. I have felt really tired lately, and I've got a naggy headache. I probably should make an appointment to see the doctor, but I can't find the time until next week. I did have one of the EMTs give me a quick assessment. My BP was 100/60, and everything seemed fine.

I also was able to swim on my lunch break today. I hadn't been in a few months. In the spring, I was swimming faithfully on Tuesdays and Thursdays. But then summer hit, and swimming lessons were being held at the same time I was used to going to open swim. I got out of the habit. It felt so great to swim today - I remembered how much I love the pool. I swam 1/2 mile in a little over 20 minutes. I'm not super fast, but I'm pretty good. I've always felt that I'm a better swimmer than a runner. Maybe I should try a tri!

I also got a call back from another resume I sent, and scheduled an interveiw for next Tuesday with a City we will call WJ. Coincidentally, right after I scheduled the appointment, I was talking with a developer friend. He was praising our office for our efficiency and friendliness, and made a comment that we're so much better than the other cities he works with - especially WJ. How ironic! He went on to tell me all about the troubles he has seen with WJ, and how he thinks they're one of the worst he deals with. I laughed, and told him that I am interviewing there next week. He did offer to give me a recommendation, but I told him to wait until I interview and see what I think.

The job is exactly what I am doing now, only it pays about $20 grand more than I make in my current position. It would be a significant pay increase. But not worth it if the job sucks. Where I am now is such a great environment. While I don't make big bucks, I have great benefits and a relatively low-stress work place. Daycare is 6 blocks away, and I get Fridays off.

Hmmmm. Lots to consider. I am probably counting my chickens a bit too soon though. I haven't even interviewed yet.

Much better day

Well, the running helped my mood last night, and I had a much better day today. Of course, the fact that I have another job interview scheduled helps a bunch. Especially since this job is only 10 miles from my house.

I do think I may be getting sick tonight, so I'm off to shower and sleep. Sorry for the lame post.

Rotten, no-good, very bad day

I am in such a bad mood today. I'm not sure why. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Bryn was up no less than 10 times last night, and that finally at 4am G woke up from her sister's cries and never went back to sleep. Or it could have been the fact that today is election day, and some of the canidates have stooped to new heights of slander and lies. It may even have had something to do with the fact that I had problem after problem at work.

I did have some good things happen today. I actually got a call back on one of the jobs I applied for, and I have an interview scheduled. I also got really good news from my brother who has been dealing with a bad situation, that something good has finally happened to him. But somehow those good things were overshadowed by my foul mood.

Then I picked the girls up at daycare. Bryn has another diaper rash. G lost her new bracelet that she made at our beading party over the weekend. And she'd peed her pants (for the first time in months). Her wet clothes were nowhere to be found. Great. The last thing I need is to find wet clothes in a bag somewhere 2 weeks from now.

We decided to go out to dinner, since I had no desire to try and create something edible. We went to Wingers, a local place that is so terrible. Every time we go there, we vow not to go back. Yet somehow we find ourselves there again and again. And tonight, our experience was no different than usual. I wanted to complain to the manager, and Ben didn't. So we left without saying anything.

I think I should just call this day a wash and go to bed, so that I could at least salvage a good night of sleep out of it all. But first I think I'll hit the dreadmill. A little exercise always lifts my spirits.

More complaining about daycare

Yesterday I was on my laptop, casually looking at houses for sale in a particular area where I’ve found a job posting. Gracelin came over to sit on my lap and to see what I was looking at. She sat with me and watched the slideshow for a house for sale, that just so happened to have a very cute, pink girls’ bedroom. She commented to me that she’d like to live there, and then she added, “I want to move far away to somewhere that I don’t have to go to daycare anymore”.

So often G doesn't want to go. She will beg me in the mornings to be able to stay at home with me, or to come to work. It is so hard for me to convince her to go, when I really don't want to have to take her there.

Its been a rough few days with daycare for all of us. On Thursday when I picked up the girls, it was really bad. I got G first, and her shoes and coat were no where to be found. She and I searched the center for a good 5 minutes before one of the high school girls who are there in the afternoon commented that she may have left her stuff out on the playground. I had G wait inside while I ran outside. And there was her coat and shoes on the playground, her socks no where to be found (did I mention that it was freezing cold outside?)

Then, we headed upstairs to the baby room to pick up Brynlee. She was standing at the gate looking very sad. As soon as she saw me, she started to cry. She told me “owie bum. Change me”. I picked her up and could immediately tell that she was poopie. I took her over to the changing table, and took off her diaper - only to notice that she had the most horrible diaper rash. She screamed as I changed her – it hurt so badly that she was physically shaking from the pain as I wiped her. It broke my heart to have to hurt her like that, but I had to clean her up. It was awful.

I left that place really upset that my kids aren’t being taken care of better. Is it too much to ask that they have their coats and shoes on outside? Its November, and really cold. And I hate to think how long poor Bryn was sitting in that dirty diaper. Obviously she is able to communicate that she wants a diaper change. I feel that it is negligence that her diaper rash was that bad.

I feel as if I’m literally at the breaking point. Something has got to change, but no matter how much sleep I lose at night, I cannot figure out what we’re going to do. Short of me getting a higher paying job out of state so that daddy can stay at home with the girls. I have applied for a couple of jobs so far, and plan to apply for one more that I found yesterday. All of the jobs really are a stretch for me though, and I'll be suprised if I actually get an interview. It would be sad to leave our extended family and friends. But I really feel that its for the good of our kids.

I cooked dinner!

Something noteworthy happened today: I made dinner! I know for most people, that is nothing extraordinary. But for me it is. I actually like to cook, and I think I'm pretty good at it. There just never seems to be time. During the week, I don't get home until after 6pm, so dinner is whatever we can warm up quickly. On the weekends, we typically eat out or at family's.

But today, we had no where to go for Sunday dinner, so I got the chance to actually cook. I made enchiladas with extra chilis and green sauce, black beans, and homemade tortilla chips dipped in fresh chipotle salsa with extra cilantro. It was delicious. Bryn with her love of spice was in heaven, and out-ate me. Even G ate quite a bit.

Chasing tail

I woke up bright and early this morning to participate in the above listed race. I met my mom and sister at a local historic farm/county park for the race, which was a benefit for an animal rescue group. It was a gorgeous fall morning, and quite chilly. I wasn't expecting it to be so cold, and I was not dressed appropriately. I am sorry too that I forgot my camera, because it truly was scenic. The race was mostly on wooded trails around the farm, and one of the rivers from a near-by canyon runs right through the course. Most of the trees were in the height of their autumn colors, and it was so beautiful.

Unfortunately I wasn't feeling very well. The cold air made it difficult to breathe, and I never felt like I caught my breath. I think I took my asthma inhaler 4 times during the race, and it never made a difference. And I had this strange stitch in my side. Needless to say, I ran the slowest 5k ever - over 5 minutes slower than my PR. It was pretty frustrating - I just freakin' ran a marathon, and this morning I stuggled to finish a 5k. I'm going to chalk it up to asthma problems and figure that everyone has a bad day.

Anyway - here's some pics of my crazy kids. Daddy is at the football game today, and they're bouncing off of the walls, which you can't tell by the pictures at all (note sarcasm).





Oh - and I found out some good news this morning: my brother and his kids are moving out here from Cincinnati the weekend of Thanksgiving! Whoo hoo.

Jewelry party

I almost didn't get my post in today, and its only the 2nd of the month. Whew!

It's been such a busy day. I spent most of it cleaning my house and running to the store. I had a party to get ready for and a baby shower gift to buy. I also had 2 little girls running around madly undoing all the cleaning up I was getting done. Finally they had nap time, and I was able to work while they slept. After they woke up, we had snacks outside and then went to the park, so as to keep the house clean. Then, we had time to run to a baby shower and make it home just in time. The party began at 7pm, and we made it home with only minutes to spare. Thank goodness for a daddy who was very helpful tonight.

Although I'd had over 10 people RSVP, only 6 showed up. But those who came had lots of fun. We were able to make our own beaded jewelry. She had lots of bins with loose beads that we could string into necklaces, bracelets and ear rings.
Gracelin had so much fun - she was very intent and did an excellent job. I actually had her help me make a bracelet that I finished. The part she did was better.
Here's the final bracelet that she made (she didn't want to show her face, because by this time it was 2 hours past her bedtime, and she was exhausted).
Here is Avery (Tiburon from Shark Bait's daughter). She had a fun time beading, and an even more fun time eating treats.
Part of the group hard at work making their jewelry.

Ok - so not the most exciting post, but I did it! I've got to get to bed - I'm running a 5k in the morning and I need my sleep.

National blog posting month

In honor of National Blog Posting Month (http://nablopomo.ning.com/) I hereby declare that I will post something every day. I don't promise every entry to be wonderfully thought out. But I will post something!

Wanna join me?

Halloweenies

G's scary face
Me and G
G and G'ma
cookies
Cinderella

Scary pumpkins (thanks Pumpkin Masters)

Did someone say "mooo"?
Love those blue eyes
Cutie