What I'm thankful for

I remember Thanksgiving last year so clearly. In the midst of morning sickness, my one goal was to eat dinner without puking. While I didn't eat much, I was able to keep it down. After dinner I was relaxing in a recliner at my parents' house, and I felt the baby move for the first time. It was really more of a quick flutter, but it was amazing. And it confirmed my gratitude for the new little one inside of me.

A year has passed, and so much has changed. I have been through pregnancy, birth, and the first 7 months of my child's life. But much remains the same - what I am truly grateful for remains the same.

My little girl is amazing. I love her more every day. Some days, I can barely put her down. I just want to gobble up her sweetness. She is sitting now, and just learning to feed herself (baby food that more resembles Meow Mix than human food). Her happiness seems to radiate - rarely is she without a smile.

My husband is wonderful too. He tries so hard to make me happy, and he loves me and Gracie so much. I don't think I could be anymore blessed.

Only hours after 

Look how happy I am after my tubes! 

Post-op update

Today was the day that Gracelin got her tubes. After 5 previous ear infections, and one suspected one (which the doctor confirmed today) I was more than a bit anxious to get them in. Not that I want any pain or discomfort for her, but I feel that one day of pain is better than the weeks of sickness she has been enduring.

Quite honestly, I was most worried about the fact she couldn't eat after midnight. She usually wakes up in the morning quite hungry, and I didn't know what I would do if she woke up wanting to nurse. I went in and did a "dream feed" around 11pm so that she hopefully wouldn't be so hungry, and then I put her back to sleep in her car seat. It worked great! She was still asleep when it was time to leave. By the time we had gotten to the hospital, a 20 minute drive, she was awake - but she was very content. We went inside, checked in, and sat down to wait. It took them about 30 minutes to call us back, and she was an absolute angel. The other parents in the waiting room were commenting to us on how happy she seemed (they all had fussy babies).

Finally they called her back. The nurse came in and took her vitals, then the anisthesiaologist (sp?) came in to describe what he was going to do. Luckily he would just use gas, but he warned us to expect a crying baby when she came out of it. Then the doctor came in and told us what she was going to do. She said the acutal procedure would only take about 4 minutes. She would also do a hearing test before and after. Then they took our smiling baby (who looked so cute in her minature hospital gown) and sent us to wait in the recovery room.

We had only been there about 15 minutes, when I distinctly heard my baby crying over all the other babies. They brought her to me, and she was crying harder than I had ever heard. I tried to nurse her, but she wasn't really interested. She would latch for a few seconds, but then come off and scream again. They gave the antibiotic ear drops and explained to us how to "wick" away the drainage (some very feminine male nurse named Bruce showed us how to properly twist a tissue into a wick). Then the doctor came in and told us that everything went well. She did have an ear infection and she did fail her hearing test. But, she was able to get rid of the infection, and after the tubes went in, Gracelin passed her hearing test.

Gracelin was still hysterical. It broke my heart to have her cry like that and not be able to comfort her. I don't know how parents of colicy babies do it. We decided to just take her home. She cried almost the entire 20 minutes back home. Finally, just as we were pulling into the neighborhood, she fell asleep. She slept for quite awhile, and woke up with a smile on her face. She has been generally happy the rest of the day, although I could tell she was a bit uncomfortable. We have kept her on a steady dose of Tylenol. I can also tell that she is hearing things differently, and already I have noticed a difference in her babbling.

We did have a slight issue getting her to sleep tonight, but I think that has stemmed from me being a bit lax about her night routine for the past few weeks. Tongith I just put her into bed - cold turkey. And it took about 30 minutes longer for her to fall asleep. She did well though - she really is a great baby!

She finally showed

My dear old Aunt Flo that is. Today is cycle day 56 (or #1 I suppose) and 20+ days past ovulation. It is about time the old had showed. I am feeling crappy too - lots of cramps.

But, I am pretty excited. My hubby doesn't have to work tonight, and I don't have any obligations either. He has been working a second job, trying to redeem himself for racking up a $2,000 balance on his credit card without telling me (lets just say I was less than happy considering we had decided that we wouldn't use credit cards). He works at the movie theatre downtown, called the Gateway. He doesn't mind it too much. He can see all the free movies that he wants, and they have screenings the day before the movie is released to the general public. He can take me and Gracelin too! Besides, he gets to see lots of celebrities. Last weekend, he saw Avril Lavine, Elizabeth Smart, lots of Utah Jazz Players, and MATT DAMON (can you tell I'm jealous about that one?)

Ok - I think I have digressed. I was trying to talk about how I am excited to actually see my DH awake and spend some time together. And, wouldn't you know that Aunt Flo is here, so he won't be getting any lovin'. Poor guy!

Update on me

Oh - and I haven't mentioned again my illusive friend Aunt Flo. It has now been 52 days since I have last seen her. I have had 3 negative pregnancy test. I keep feeling like she is coming - bloated, crampy, and way bitchy! What's up?

I am a bad, bad blogger

Haven't updated in quite awhile. And, last time I tried, my post didn't show up for some reason. Didn't bother to go back and fix it.

I probably should update on our little Gracie Jayne. She is sitting up constantly now. Lying on the back is boring and "old-school". She also LOVES food (other than rice cereal and peas). Her favs are the orange veggies, namely sweet potatoes and carrots. The one drawback: orange poo. Yesterday she was all dressed for church in the cutest outfit with white tights and bloomers. She was sitting on the floor happily playing when suddenly we had a massive poo-splosion. She litterally had orange poo from head to toe. We had to bring in reinforcements and draw a bath to get her cleaned up. I think her back may still be stained a bit orange (and we aren't even going to mention her cute bloomers) She had eaten an entire jar of pears the day before, which I think may be the culprit. For now, we are going to focus on foods that stay in the intestine a bit longer!

No wonder I'm so tired

Who am I?

I am:

a daughter
a sister
a friend
a wife
a mother
a nurturer
a chef
a housekeeper
a poet
a lover
a musician
a child of God
an intellectual
a city planner
a chauffeur
an organizer
a teacher
a student
a lover of nature
a photographer . . .
and so much more

Just the first few things that came to my head

Am I a bad mommy or what?

Gracelin has always been such a good sleeper - until recently. She caught a cold 2 weeks ago, and I started putting her in her car seat to sleep, because she breathed better propped up. Well, the cold is over, but she still wants to sleep in her car seat. She has been crying upstairs for the past 45 minutes. I know I should go up and save her, but what would that solve? Maybe I should just go and put her in her car seat. But, that wouldn't help much, would it?

To chart or not to chart - that is the question

When I was trying to get pregnant, I charted religiously for 2 years. I suppose it helped me to feel like I had some control over my "unexplained infertility". I took my temps every morning at 6am - no matter what. I checked my cervical position and cervical mucous, no matter how disgusting it seemed. I faithfully did the baby dance at least every other day for two solid years. I tried various positions that were supposed to plant the sperm more directly into my retroverted uterus. I even spent lots of money on Clomid and PreSeed. (and even more on EPTs)

Then, one day when I was sure that my dear old Aunt Flo was knocking on the door, I got my postitive test. And after the most awful pregnancy I could have imagined, my baby was born 4 weeks early.

Now, here I sit, contemplating trying to conceive yet again. For the life of me, I cannot seem to chart. I noticed a nice amount of fertile cervical mucous (with is way TMI) the other day, so I know that I ovulated, but other than that, I can't bring myself to do it. Maybe it is because I am scared of being pregnant again - and who could blame me? It isn't as if I am looking forward to puking every single day for another 8 months, while still gaining over 60 pounds and blowing up like a tick and having to be put on bedrest but still getting pre-eclampsia and having to be induced then not getting to see my baby for 36 hours because she is in the NICU and I'm not allowed out of bed (I know - run-on sentence, but it's past my bedtime).

But, then again, maybe I am already pregnant. My dear old Aunt Flo hasn't made an appearance since the middle of September. Here it is November already, and I have had lots of unprotected sex (I can't bring myself to use any form of contraception, but that is a story for another day)

Time changes

I don't know what it is, but it takes me forever to change the clocks for daylight savings time. My bedroom clock is the worst, because it is always 20 minutes fast (something about making me feel like I am sleeping longer). But now, I have to adjust it to only being 40 minutes fast. It is very confusing. It is a wonder I'm not late more often.

The cat's meow

I have a problem. I like animals. Now, I know you must be thinking to yourself “why is this a problem?” Well, normally it wouldn’t be. But, I happen to live next to the world’s most neglectful pet owners, who, on top of neglecting their pets, own way too many of them. And, I think the word is out that if they (the pets) need something, all they have to do is come to my house and “ask” for it, because I am too big a softy to turn them away.

One of my particular favorites we shall call Orange Kitty, because he is an orange cat and I don’t know his real name. He is so cute, and I have fed him on several occasions (on one I actually cooked him chicken which pissed of my hubby). Sometimes he will sit on my porch and cry, so loud I can hear him from wherever I happen to be inside the house. I have taken to ignoring his cries. One day, I was putting something away in the hall closet when the doorbell rang. Since I was next to the front door, I answered it fairly quickly, excepting to see a person. But there sat Orange Kitty. He meowed at me, and I swear he was smiling. He must have jumped against the door and gotten the doorbell. Did he ring it on purpose?

On another occasion, I was fast asleep in my bed, as it was well after midnight. My husband came in and woke me up, saying “Christie, there is a rabbit at the front door.” I rolled over, mumbling something. But then I realized what he said, and went downstairs to investigate. He had been watching TV when he heard a knock at the door. Being suspicious because of the late hour, he cautiously opened the front door, only to find a cute bunny sitting on the stoop. We took the bunny in, and put him inside the laundry basket in the basement with some lettuce. The next day I took him home.

Most recently, the spawn of Orange Kitty (ie. A litter of cute kittens about 8 weeks old) have invaded me. They see my car, and literally come running with their little “mew, mew, mewing”. I have to feed them at their own house to get them to leave mine alone. I don’t want them to associate the food with my house so I take it over to my neighbor’s garage, and feed them my own cat’s food inside the garage. I have to make them leave though. I am worried I will run over them with my car.

6 month breast feeding milestone

Gracelin will be 6 months old on Saturday, and I am still breast feeding her. She gets nursed in the morning and before bed, and then full-time on the weekends. When I am not with her, I pump every 3 hours (or as close to that as possible) to keep up my supply. Then, at day care she gets bottles of expressed breast milk. I can't believe I have kept it up this long, and I am still going strong!
When I first had her, I was didn't even like breast feeding, but I kept it up because she was a preemie and I knew it was good for her. Obviously she had some formula in the beginning to supplement and then again when she developed breastfeeding jaundice. But other than that, she has only had mommy's milk to drink. As she has gotten older, nursing and pumping has gotten easier and it has become part of the routine.
Now I love breast feeding. It is my special time with her. I think she feels the same. She will look at me and smile right as my milk lets down, so she gets sprayed. And she always wraps her fingers around my thumb, or strokes my breast.
I am really thinking that I will try for a year (or at least until she gets teeth).

What is it about being a mommy that makes me worry?

I used to be so laid back. But, since Gracelin has come into my life, I worry about everything. On Monday, she only slept for 2 hours at day care. So, I was convinced there was something wrong. She must have another ear infection or something I thought. But, she didn't have a fever and Tuesday she was just fine. Obviously I was just overreacting. On Wednesday, however, she was barely awake for 2 hours. She was even asleep when I took her home, and she stayed asleep all night. She wouldn't even wake up for her bath. And she was still sound asleep when I took her to day care. She never woke up for me one time. I was convinced there must be something wrong. Crazy thoughts kept going through my head: maybe she really does have meningitis. Maybe she ingested some poison at day care and she is slowly dying a terrible death. And my hubby didn't understand. His explanation was that she must be growing, that he slept a lot when he was growing as a baby. Obviously he didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Well - she is just fine today. She is playing happily at day care, and she is now awake. Maybe she was having a growth spurt.

I guess I need to be more relaxed.

Gloomy weather

I know I am weird, but the gloomier the weather, the cheery I get. I know that most people get depressed and sad in the rainy and cold weather. But, I acutally get depressed on long, hot, sunny days. I love it in October when the days start to get shorter. I love when it is dark by 6pm, and the nights are cold and crisp. Today is cool and rainy, and I couldn't be happier.

Maybe what it all boils down to is the fact that I love winter clothes. I also love winter activities. And autumn. And snow. And Halloween.

Baby food is GOOOD (said with an Adam Sandler voice)

Ok - so I've been giving Gracelin solid food for about 3 weeks now. Friday night we decided to try oatmeal mixed with bananas. But, before I could give it to her, my hubby told me I had to try it. He said that I couldn't give my baby food I hadn't tried myself (this tactic also worked to get me to taste my own expressed breast milk). So, I took a big spoonful of the cereal (or should we call it mush?). It was horribly disgusting. So gross that there are no words to describe its foulness. But, I gave it to Gracie anyway. She didn't seem to mind - in fact, she loved the stuff and cried for more when it was gone. Unfortunately, we were out to dinner and I didn't have anymore to give her.

I always try to feed her when we have our dinner, so she can learn about dinnertime. Since we eat out several nights a week, I have to take her food with us. I have gotten some strange looks from other restaurant patrons - especially since I let her try to feed herself if she wants. But, I figure it is more important for her to learn.

My little girl loves to eat, and I fear she isn't going to be too little for long.

I am a frog for Halloween!

Gracelin and her great-grandma 

Look how messy I am! 

Gracelin has to eat naked because she makes such a mess